jdooner

I have returned home after a 2 week business trip. My kids with the help of my wife threw a welcome home party. My wife tried to break my sobriety by choosing a dish that called for wine. She was upset I protested and despite what many believe, I researched cooking with wine and learned that in this case 85% of the alcohol remained. So I chose an alternative recipe without any alcohol. I have resentment towards her and believe she is trying to manipulate me to get her old drinking buddy back.

I bought my first guitar today and have lessons planned for next week. I am look forward to learning how to play.

I am taking the dogs for a mtn bike tomorrow AM - they were so happy to see me one peed himself when my driver dropped me off.

I cannot wait until my meeting tomorrow night. I am so excited to share and let my group know of my travels and learnings. I am meeting with my sponsor to go over my step work before the general meeting.

Anyhow, that is my update.

MythOfSisyphus

I think you need to have a serious heart-to-heart with your wife. She probably doesn't understand what you're going through (unless she's a drunk, too). She has to be made to know that you won't risk your sobriety for any reason.

You have to be selfish now to be selfless later.

ReadyAtLast

Hi jdooner, I agree talk with your wife. Sit her down and seriously tell her how much this means to you. If you can go through thetrip you've just been through andnot drink you must be pretty darn serious about it. I agree about food-much of thealcohol isn't cooked off, I also avoid dishes with alcohol in now as don't like the smell,association and dont' want the trigger.

If your wife has a problem with you quitting it is HER problem not yours. Concentrate on you. Please don't have resentments as they easily cause us to go back to drinking. Forgive your wife her insensitivity and accept she probably doesn't understand.In time she'll come round.

ImperfectlyMe

I know first hand the manipulation involved when one wants to drink in early sobriety. I am fortunate enough to have a hubs that hasn't drank in 13 years.

In the beginning I would use my Jedi mind tricks to try an manipulate him or convince him that returning to my wine was best for all of us. I used the, " I really wasn't that bad", dont you miss the old me who was always laughing", "don't I deserve to escape from all that I do for the family"'.

I tried it all. And actually broke him down at a beach party this summer. He said if you want to drink then have a glass or two of wine. When I thought about it I knew there'd be no way I could just have a glass if wine I wanted a bottle. That night I had my aha moment. I finally figured it out for myself that no I can't drink.

Your doing so well and achieved so much growth on your trip. While you think those triggers were the hardest, it just might be being home that proves to be the most difficult.
You can't keep your wife from drinking but you can certainly stay firm but loving in the fact that its nit going to be tolerated or ignored. This will give her some accountability. Which for me was the number one thing that kept me sober early on.

You have to be a team. She's many days behind you in this so you can't expect her to be where you are mentally. Read your old posts to remind yourself what she's likely going through. Keep working hard! Good luck with the guitar

Welcome home

Uninvited

I'm glad to hear you are doing so well! I know there is great debate over the whole should alcoholics eat food with alcohol in it, but I think you should give your wife the benefit of the doubt on this one. There are probably more effective ways to get you drinking again than slipping a little in your food. I know a good beef stroganoff with a little cooking sherry in it never set me off on a binge. Best of luck.

crosscountry3

Good for you.............

Toomutch

I agree with some of the others. Sit down and talk to your wife and tell her that the alcohol in the wine does not burn off completely. Not mentioned, but let her know you cannot use mouthwash with alcohol in it etc... These things could be a trigger for you.

Good for you staying sober on your trip! Have a happy sober day.

digdug

jdooner - I think you have your math a little off. The 85% retained is only when you add in alcohol to a sauce or boiling liquid at the last minute and then pull it off the heat.

Most cooking with alcohol is when you deglaze a pan and build a sauce, which requires simmering for at least 15-30 minutes. That retains only like 35%. And in almost all recipes, we're only talking like 2-4 ounces of wine. The likelihood of you getting intoxicated from eating food that has some wine in it is basically 0. I eat food with wine all the time, just not made by me because I don't trust myself with a bottle in my hand. 1/4 cup in the recipe, the rest of the bottle down my throat.

But that's not really the point. It made you feel uncomfortable. Talk to her about it. There are good alcohol substitutes out there for cooking. Stock, champagne and red wine vinegar, citrus juice, etc. It is not an unreasonable request in the slightest to eat alcohol free food.

Keep up the good work! Keep working your steps! And practice the hell out of that guitar

Anna

Good for you for making the decision to stop drinking.

I hope that your wife can support you through this, but if not, you can still get through it and live a sober life.

jdooner

Thanks all - the issue is not about the booze in the food. I have no desire to drink, in fact you would have to put a gun to my head to make me drink. That said, if I knew that I just broke what I started I may feel differently. If made me uncomfortable and whether subconscious or not, I felt it was a bit of sabotage. I have since discussed it and we are slowly learning to deal with each other. This just highlights the long road ahead.

Have my first meeting tonight since my trip and can't wait.