cookiemusic

I'm on day 12. It's not been the easiest but I am getting there and I feel so much more alive than I have in years but this weekend I face a friends wedding and then another friends birthday. It will be my second weekend sober & I confess that I've been hiding away a little. So any helpful tips and tricks much welcome and much needed.

Twinings

I feel ya cookie, I have a wedding next week and my 30th coming up.

All I can say is last time I sobered up I went to a wedding pretty early on and I just kept going out for air. Let everyone known in advance I wasn't drinking, if you want to tell them why you can, if not make something up!

I'm considering getting the app on my phone then can read it whilst everyones guzzling down and talking rubbish!

FeelingGreat

Hi Cookie, congratulations on the 12 days. FWIW I found that the events I prepared for in advance were easier to handle than the unexpected situations where cravings hit. My suggestion to you is to get a soft drink in your hand asap and don't go let yourself get hungry. Prepare to leave a little earlier than you would normally, also prepare for waking up the next morning feeling like a million dollars.

IOAA2

In my early days in AA I needed to go to a function and it was very strongly suggested for me to take along someone in the program. It worked out like a charm. BE WELL

freshstart57

See Acheleus' thread on the same topic.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4204999

Krodos

There are many things you can say if someone asks "Why aren't you drinking"

"I'm on a diet", "Trying to eat/drink more healthy", "taking some medication right now and I can't", etc, etc. Certainly don;t have to say "I can't drink because I am an alcoholic"

I know for myself, having a non-alcoholic drink in my hand at all times helped, as well as rewarding myself with extra food and/or desserts at whatever event.

Good luck!

ReadyAtLast

could you maybe go to the wedding and skip thereception or leave early -have an escape route.

birthday-it depends what sort offunction it is. I'd skip a bar crawl/pub/club evening so early on. Maybe offer to take your friend for lunch one day instead

It's hard in the early days but it does get easier

doggonecarl

Two weeks into my sobriety, I couldn't go near alcohol and feel safe. The temptation would be too great. So I usually suggest that folks don't go to alcohol-fueled events.

Of late, there have been a number of posts like yours, one in particular I recall because the person was adamant about going. So he went.

He drank.

The choice is yours. Sobriety, or trying to make all your social obligations. Whatever you do, be safe.

Anna

Honestly, I wouldn't have gone. I couldn't have gone to social activities like that and not drank. I tried it once and didn't drink that night, but raced out in the morning to get some wine. That's just what worked for me.

wakko

Do a search for the word wedding and see how it is work out for others.

ScottFromWI

If you feel you can't go without sacrificing your sobriety, don't go. Only you can make the call.

If you do decide to go, think ahead of time how you will deal with the drinking. Make sure you have an "out" so you can leave if it becomes overwhelming.

It would also be perfectly acceptable to just attend the wedding itself and skip the reception.

Same thing with the birthday - it would be perfectly acceptable to let your friend know you can't make it and plan a separate outing or something personal with them to celebrate.

Lastly, remember that only alcoholics really care about whether someone is drinking or not. The vast majority of people couldn't care less if you are drinking a soda vs. a beer.

Nuudawn

On my 3rd day of sobriety I had to attend a drinking work function. I used the "med's ruse" as my reason for abstaining. It wasn't easy. I ate a lot and left early. One thing that was helpful was watching a woman I had previously drank with get completely smashed and make a fool of herself. From all reports she ended up in a puddle of self pity and tears by the end of the evening which had everyone talking bout her "drinking problem" in the days after. I had been only working at this place less than a year. I couldn't help feeling like "there but by the grace of God go I". Had I not made the choice days prior to sober up...well, I would be being talked about to. When I observed her at the party...I couldn't help but see myself. It wasn't even 7 p.m. and she was already "in the bag"..she was loud, overly affectionate and inappropriate with some of our younger staff, she didn't care about the food ..just kept sucking back the wine. I had not before realized just how conspicuous my behaviour was to all around me. Anyways...I digress.

If you do not feel spiritually fit enough...do not go. Listen to your gut on this. If you can feel the addiction having a bit of a dance of delight at the party prospect...well, I hope you make the decision to preserve your sobriety above all else.

If you do go, give yourself permission to have a "lousy" time if that's the way it ends up. I did that early on when anticipating an event that was rattling my sobriety. My addiction was playing and manipulating my mental pictures. My resolve was sobriety and if that meant simply putting in an appearance and going through the process in all its sober glory...well, that's what it was. I had to tell my immature little addiction...it was not about me having a "good time". I had plenty of horrible times drinking.

Whatever you do, I do hope you make the decision for sobriety.

EndGameNYC

True about the seemingly recent rash of comments about "I have to go" or my friend will lock me in the cellar and begin torturing me as a prelude to my slow and painful death...that is, if my friend is not first struck by lightning, or the wedding isn't destroyed by a tornado or other act of God by virtue of my not attending.

I won't tell the OP not to go, if only because that's never stopped anyone from going since I've been here. But yes, it seems over the past few months people comment about an upcoming wedding, vacation, barbecue, whatever...and then they either disappear from the site or come back hating themselves for making a scene, getting arrested, or further destroying their friends'/families' good will.

Attending all these events in early sobriety without a plan seems to guarantee that the person will not survive them in a sober manner.

EndGameNYC

Good stuff, as usual.

Love this:

jdooner

I went to an event I thought I had to and I realized quickly I was going to drink unless I left. I did not enjoy it and I left and it was more awkward with my friends and clients.

In hindsight it was perhaps one of the most important moments bc it made it clear - crystal that I was changing and the old me had died. Being around alcohol is fine for me - being around alcohol in a setting that has tons of triggers is setting yourself up for failure in my opinion.

Do you have a sponsor or people who know your alcoholic and that you can call if things go sideways? If not, I recommend as a safety net prior to attending.

Try reading Living Sober - has some good tips.

foolsgold66

Is this your first experience getting sober? If so, my advice is to not attend. If you've managed long periods of sobriety before, then its likely more doable. Either way, as others have advised, have mitigation and escape plans ready.

Dee74

I turned down invites like that for several months.

I'm glad I did - I think it's one of the reasons why I stayed sober - I needed to put some distance between who I used to be and who I wanted to become.

I had to put my recovery first - above everything.
there'll be other parties etc, cookiemusic

D

cookiemusic

I thought I wpould update this with my progress as I am incredibly proud of myself.
My mantra for the wedding was courtesy of Nuudawn "
If you do go, give yourself permission to have a "lousy" time if that's the way it ends up" and that took the pressure off. I did laugh. I did watch as others around me drank, a lot, and at times I did have a lousy time. My ex boss sat next to me at the wedding and just kept on and on and on about me not drinking to the point where I felt so exasperated & exhausted by his constant issue with it that I just old him and he totally backed off... and the look on his face of suprise & shock was priceless and it did make me chuckle later.
The birthday was easier and no-one seemed to care as it was a close group of friends who know that I no longer drink alcohol & I enjoyed the food a great deal more.
So - hell yeah. I did it. Thank you all so so much.

Kaneda8888

Brilliant cookie ! Great to hear !

SkyeSea

That's brilliant Cookie I hadn't realised the post was a few days old when I started reading it and was SO thrilled to see the outcome