Unsure
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: renfrew, ontario
Posts: 21
Unsure
After spending months attending AA mtgs, and 5 months in a recovery program, I have discovered there is alot of gossiping, and preaching that goes on in AA. People telling others how to live, what to do, what not to do and so on. They don't seem to take into account that everyone is different. I was told not to work, spend all of my time with only AA members, make AA my number one priority and my family my second. I agree with making my sobriety my number one priority, but for me that includes my family. I have 4 kids and a husband who are all very supporting, I am not about to turn my back on them. I am told that they will not understand and not to discuss anything with them. I have witnessed a lot of gossiping in AA, alot of people talking behind others backs. To me AA seems a lot like grade school. Not everyone is like that, I have encountered a lot of old timers who are fantastic, but the majority of the newer people seem to have a different way to go about the program. Alot of people I met in recovery all made moves to different cities, walked away from all of their responisbilities and had their doctors define them as "disabled"so they could live off the government. Yes, being an alcoholic is a sickness and yes we need help, but I don't think to that degree! Live life on lifes terms, I hear people say. Only they seem to be changing the terms to suit their needs.
All in all I have had a very negative experience with AA, and I am hoping this Sober Recovery is going to be a little more positive. I want my sobriety for sure, but I do not want to be treated like I am a unreasonable child who cannot handle responsiblility. The one thing I was given in treatment was the tools to live life right, not to run away from life and use my alcoholisim as an excuse.
All in all I have had a very negative experience with AA, and I am hoping this Sober Recovery is going to be a little more positive. I want my sobriety for sure, but I do not want to be treated like I am a unreasonable child who cannot handle responsiblility. The one thing I was given in treatment was the tools to live life right, not to run away from life and use my alcoholisim as an excuse.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I think you'll find a lot of support and understanding here kyara, welcome. You'll also find that we don't condone or condemn any particular recovery method as each person has a personal plan that works for them.
Read lots and let us know how we can help.
Read lots and let us know how we can help.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
There are many of us here who do not use AA as a recovery method, though many of our members are happy with the program. But, if it doesn't work for you, then try to find something that does. We are here to support you.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Kyara, I'm so glad you joined us. I came here out of curiosity years ago & never left. I'm not sure what I'd do without my daily dose of inspiration and understanding! Hope you find it helpful. 
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
Hi Kyara,
Sorry you had such a negative experience in AA, though that definitely hasn't been my personal experience.
But it's probably unwise to try to do this without some type of program or plan.
SR is a great start! Maybe check out the secular connections forum for alternative program ideas.
Good luck.
Sorry you had such a negative experience in AA, though that definitely hasn't been my personal experience.
But it's probably unwise to try to do this without some type of program or plan.
SR is a great start! Maybe check out the secular connections forum for alternative program ideas.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 166
kyara welcome I do not know about AA and if it works or not. I think it has good results for some, but welcome here as I have choose here as a good starting point. I have only find positive people in helping me and being supportive.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 145
Yeah, you find that pretty much anywhere you go in life. I wouldn't worry too much about it. If you feel you got what you wanted out of AA move on from it. My last place of employment was like that. A large office building with around 700 people in it. You could tell right away who was going to survive the social structure of the place the moment they walked in. It doesn't bother me so much anymore, just the way life is I suppose. It's natural.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Too bad bout your AA experience. Each AA group is very different. Some mirror the issues people had when they were drinking. Ego, taking others' inventory, etc. After all, we're a bunch of drunks!
On the other hand, the fellowship has helped me save my life. When I attend meetings, I go with a singleness of purpose, to stay sober. I do not engage in the crap, but I quietly use it as a guide to what I must avoid in my own life. I hope that perhaps you can find meetings where sobriety and support are present. Where step 12 is the guiding principle.
Best to you,
Warren
On the other hand, the fellowship has helped me save my life. When I attend meetings, I go with a singleness of purpose, to stay sober. I do not engage in the crap, but I quietly use it as a guide to what I must avoid in my own life. I hope that perhaps you can find meetings where sobriety and support are present. Where step 12 is the guiding principle.
Best to you,
Warren
to SR
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Welcome! I read and post here AND go to AA. My experience of AA is positive, but it does seem that AA groups are almost as varied as the members in each group are. It is a pretty broad sort of church.
if it is a practical option you might try another group.
if it is a practical option you might try another group.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Welcome.
Seems like whenever you get more than two people together, there are times it's like "high school drama" ALL over again.
I've run into the same thing in jobs, churches, volunteer groups, and yup, even here. Best thing we can do is back up and focus on what matters, on the goal, and let others do what they gotta do.
I have found I am most useful when I share my experience rather than my opinions, and I have found I get the most out of others sharing their experience rather than their opinions. "just the facts...just the facts" lol
These forums have been a very important part of my recovery and have a lot to offer. Glad you are here bringing your recovery experience to us.
Seems like whenever you get more than two people together, there are times it's like "high school drama" ALL over again.
I've run into the same thing in jobs, churches, volunteer groups, and yup, even here. Best thing we can do is back up and focus on what matters, on the goal, and let others do what they gotta do.
I have found I am most useful when I share my experience rather than my opinions, and I have found I get the most out of others sharing their experience rather than their opinions. "just the facts...just the facts" lol
These forums have been a very important part of my recovery and have a lot to offer. Glad you are here bringing your recovery experience to us.
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