Toomutch

Wow!!! I have made my boyfriend sound like a complete monster it seems. I have to admit he surprised me yesterday but to be completely honest I understand. Before I got extremely drunk 9 days ago he had told me the night before how depressed he was feeling over his step son that will no longer have anything to do with him, I held him and supported him and he woke up the next morning still depressed. So what do I do? Get completely wasted that very night, hitting him, yelling terrible things at him and yet he woke up the next morning saying that he was there for me. All his depression had to be put on the back burner because of my disease.

During my few month relapse I changed for the worse and he stood by me. I guess he got to thinking yesterday and felt like he needed to give me an ultimatum. Once again I can hardly blame him.

I was reading over all of our texts over the last month or so and it shamed me. My texts were awful and he was always saying sorry for things that he shouldn't have been.

I think yesterday he thought about things and had enough. Our dinner was very productive. Him wanting me to get a job and me being in agreement has made me happier today then I have been in a long time. It is exciting to think I can be out working and not just constantly waiting for him to come home from work each night. I will be contributing. And the fact that he said the fighting needs to stop was absolutely necessary, because we do.

I am not taking all the blame, but I have been dreadful for the last few months and he's stood by me while I tell him everyday how much I hate myself and how worthless I am. Who in Gods name would want to live like that.

I feel blessed today to still have this man by my side, telling me he loves me, both of us telling each other how proud we are of one another for what we have accomplished today.

This man is not a controlling monster, if anything I have been trying to control him, my personality became evil once I started drinking again.

I am done drinking. Not only does it hurt me, but it hurts those around me.

Please those of you who are drinking today or thinking of drinking DONT DO IT. You're not only killing yourself you may also be damaging relationships beyond repair and on your way to losing everything. Alcohol is pure evil.

Raider

Thank you for posting your story. It took courage to do that.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Toomuch.

I am sorry you are going through all this now.. And it didn't sound to me that you made a monster of your boyfriend... Relationships - never easy...

What concerned me in your previous post that you said "I can hardly blame him because I wasn't myself. I lost my easy going, silly, loving and fun personality".

Yes, it's better when we are easy going, and fun, and silly.. But being not easy going, and sometimes gloomy, and all other shades of mood is part of our personality as well. And it is human, and it makes us "multidimensional".

I believe it's a good idea to find a job. But IMHO, along with it, it won't hurt to find a way to accept yourself, and to believe that with or without job, you are still and unique and compete person.

"You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with'.



Good that you are not drinking over it. Congrats on your sobriety time!

And, you know, hating yourself goes nowhere...It won't fix what's done, won't turn time back...

Give yourself a piece of love. If it's hard - say yourself that you surely deserve it for staying sober now.

Take care and best wishes to you.

Anna

Suzette, it sounds like the two of you are finding your way.

AlefVavResh

Okay. I'll stop ragging on him. . . fwiw, many people here have been in abusive relationships and our hackles go up when we hear things like "walking on eggshells" and references to controlling behavior. But, admittedly, we've only heard one side of the story. . . . You're not drinking during this roller coaster, so keep doing whatever you're doing

least