GoingAlone2

And so the drinking continues... During the day we are fine because that's when he has his business face on & is like the guy I married, for the most part. At night, he retreats to the basement & drinks. He's pretty much realized that I'm not going to give him any attention when he's drinking, so we just have our separate night lives. He sits in the basement drinking & I watch TV in our room & he occasionally wanders up. No better, no worse, we are just roommates I guess. Then, this morning I wake up & go into the hall bathroom & guess what is lying on the counter within reach of the kids? His pistol. He carries a pistol for work, but usually he keeps it out of their reach. I guess in his drunken stupor last night he took it off to take a shower & forgot about it. This isn't the first time I have found it in a place they could find it. We have a 11/2 & 5 yr old. What if... I know he is going to say that I'm overreacting & get mad that I'm even making an issue of it. I don't know if this is him being drunk or just irresponsible. Am I overreacting?

dandylion

In my opinion--ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!

dandylion

allysen

The fact that I gasped when I read your post tells me that you probably are not overreacting! It doesn't matter if it was drunk or irresponsible behaviour - there's NO excuse for it.

isitme

Not an overreaction... I to jolted when I read it was left there. I have an almost 5 year old boy and he GRABS EVERYTHING! That's very scary.

CarryOn

Not overreacting at all!

If he says you are overreacting, it is only to protect his DOA.

I've heard a few too many stories lately (not on SR) of people whose A's inappropriate/abnormal behavior & actions have become so common place and their own lies & denial about it are so strong (in order to protect the DOA), that the people around them can't decipher if it is normal behavior or not. This is not normal.

Wisconsin

NOT overreacting! All firearms in our house are ALWAYS in a locked gun safe, which is stashed in the back of a closet, and the key is hidden where none of them would ever, EVER find it. All guns are stored unloaded, and ammunition is in a separate, locked safe on a totally different floor of the house. This was NON NEGOTIABLE for me when my AH and I first started dating, and remains so to this day.

Edited to Add: I have chosen to stay with my AH during a 3+ year long relapse, through a lot of really horrible crap. And while I am finally getting ready to leave, I am one million percent confident that had I ever gone into the bathroom and seen a gun laying there, I would have packed up my kids (ages 3, 10 and 13) and been out the door in a heartbeat. That's my opinion, nothing more, nothing less.

meback

Definitely not over reacting! Whether its due to his drunkness or him being irresponsible, its not right. Its dangerous.

GoingAlone2

I've talked to him about it when I found it lying on the kitchen counter or the time he left it between the seats of the car with the kids in the car. This isn't the first time I've confronted him about this. I know it's going to be the "I'm sorry. yada yada yada", but it's just him doing damage control & nothing is going to change. I don't know what to do. He isn't mean or violent, but his negligence is dangerous to the kids. I know my parents would let us stay with them, but I'm so embarrassed to do that. I need my own space, but I'm 100% reliant on him for income. I've also read that me leaving the house with the kids can be considered abandonment & hurt me if we divorce. Anyone been through this? What step next?

Wisconsin

The legal implications of leaving the house differ from state to state, but most judges I know would hear about the loaded guns laying around, and not care one bit that you left. Next step might be to call an attorney and have a free, one-hour consultation about possible strategies, what to expect, etc. It doesn't mean you're leaving...just that you want some answers, and some idea of what to expect if you do leave.

fourmaggie

you have to ask is alarming to me...

are you going to AL ANON?

RhodeIsland

If he's law enforcement/government most judges make exceptions for the kings men. They're the very best of us, you know.

She should tread carefully and find out the best course of action with someone who has experience in divorce law. I agree.

Wisconsin

My experience, which is only that--my limited experience--is that this also varies from place to place. It is also not uncommon for the union (if he is in a union) to push a "problematic" officer to settle divorces/custody disputes quickly and quietly. All reasons why it's a good idea to talk with a lawyer. There are just so many variables at issue here, and only a qualified lawyer in your area can really walk you through what you need to know.

firebolt

You aren't overreacting at all! He might as well have piled up a gas can, lighter, switchblade, rat poison, and the car keys and left it on the living room floor with a big red bow and a piece of chocolate on top.

You have every right to be mad as hell - kid access to guns is bad bad bad.

Maybe you can install an industrial strength magnet above the entry door jam. That way if he hasn't checked his weapon to his car trunk or the garage before coming into the house (since he can't deal with it responsibly in the home) it will pick him up by his britches and he'll be stuck hanging there.

Take care - sorry you are dealing with that!!

Fandy

silly question...

WHY is he wearing a gun around the house in the evening? wouldn't it be logical to take it off when he gets home and immediately lock it up in the gun safe wherever? before he starts to drink?

Recovering2

Luckily, you found the gun before your 5yo, or the potential was there for a vastly different and tragic end to the misplaced gun. You are NOT over reacting. If you have brought this up to your AH before, and he continues to show disregard for the safety of your children, then you have to protect the kids. Don't b embarrassed for protecting your kids.

I would also suggest you get a consultation with a lawyer, find out what steps you can take to protect your kids.

readerbaby71

You are not overreacting in any way, shape or form. Your children's safety is in jeopardy here. It would probably be a good idea to speak to an attorney. I'm so sorry this is happening.

Cyranoak

Many children kill themselves with their dads' guns. I had a student who accidentally shot his brother in the chest and killed him instantly. I hope to never read about your children.

You are not overreacting. IMHO you are underreacting. This is not an area in which to compromise. It is a matter of life and death.

My two cents.

Take care,

Cyranoak

Raider

I would be afraid if anyone found this out, and knew that it had happened before, and YOU were aware of it, that you would also be arrested for child endangerment. And this is the least of your worries, had a tragic accident happened.

I'm so sorry.

NWGRITS

It bothers me that you even had to come here and ask the question in the first place. What if one of your children had gotten hurt or killed? Seriously. You dodged a huge bullet here (literally and figuratively). I don't care what the reason is, leaving a gun where children can reach it is unacceptable. Period.

neferkamichael

GoingAlone2, you better overreact, that's just to careless and dangerous.