the other side of the street.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
the other side of the street.
Alanon is helping a great deal, but I have these horrible, horrible feelings of guilt about some of the things I did while I was an active drunk. Destroyed relationships, wasted time doing nothing, exacerbated my depression......I could go on.
I know I'll work through it, but being on the other side has given me some startling revelations about how bad I was, especially in my relationship with my ex husband.
Just had to get that out there. The guilt and shame has really overtaken me in the past week or so. Just another thing to add to the list of thoughts swirling in my brain. I'm actually making a list to take to my therapy session on Friday.
I know I'll work through it, but being on the other side has given me some startling revelations about how bad I was, especially in my relationship with my ex husband.
Just had to get that out there. The guilt and shame has really overtaken me in the past week or so. Just another thing to add to the list of thoughts swirling in my brain. I'm actually making a list to take to my therapy session on Friday.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: RhodeIsland
Posts: 175
Originally Posted by readerbaby71 
Alanon is helping a great deal, but I have these horrible, horrible feelings of guilt about some of the things I did while I was an active drunk. Destroyed relationships, wasted time doing nothing, exacerbated my depression......I could go on.
I know I'll work through it, but being on the other side has given me some startling revelations about how bad I was, especially in my relationship with my ex husband.
Just had to get that out there. The guilt and shame has really overtaken me in the past week or so. Just another thing to add to the list of thoughts swirling in my brain. I'm actually making a list to take to my therapy session on Friday.
I know I'll work through it, but being on the other side has given me some startling revelations about how bad I was, especially in my relationship with my ex husband.
Just had to get that out there. The guilt and shame has really overtaken me in the past week or so. Just another thing to add to the list of thoughts swirling in my brain. I'm actually making a list to take to my therapy session on Friday.
We can't change or excuse our behavior, but we can apologize and make amends.
I am amazed at the courage alcoholics have when facing the music and remaining sober - I cannot imagine the guilt. It takes incredible strength. I hope feelings improve.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
There's only one way to go --up. Doesn't matter if you're the drunk or the one dealing with the drunk. We all make mistakes.
Whenever I'm feeling badly about myself I realize my back is in the corner this way. You can do better than the past, and there's no other option unless you want to sink further into your own muck.
Later, when you feel stronger, you can also try to mend areas that you feel you messed up on.
What other choice is there that won't be catastrophic but to go up? None.
Whenever I'm feeling badly about myself I realize my back is in the corner this way. You can do better than the past, and there's no other option unless you want to sink further into your own muck.
Later, when you feel stronger, you can also try to mend areas that you feel you messed up on.
What other choice is there that won't be catastrophic but to go up? None.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
RB, do you have a copy of the AA Big Book? In the chapter "Into Action", it says "We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it." Maybe reading thru that section would be helpful for you?
It is my impression that the recommendation is not to waste your time and energy w/regrets and guilt about the past but instead to commit to living every day as well as you possibly can while not forgetting how you got to where you are. I have heard, when you get to the amends part of the process, that living this way is called a "living amend."
Use the knowledge and strength you now have to do something good for somebody else--a much better use than in feeling sorrow, shame or guilt, right?
It is my impression that the recommendation is not to waste your time and energy w/regrets and guilt about the past but instead to commit to living every day as well as you possibly can while not forgetting how you got to where you are. I have heard, when you get to the amends part of the process, that living this way is called a "living amend."
Use the knowledge and strength you now have to do something good for somebody else--a much better use than in feeling sorrow, shame or guilt, right?
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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readerbaby71----I have heard others say that coming to this awareness, in sobriety, is excrutiatingly painful. They say that, at times, the guilt and shame that they feel is overwhelming.
This is my thought---I think that you may have to actually "mourn" your past actions in order to process through this. And, mourning is not exactly fun, but it can release you from these horrible feelings. go ahead and cry--cry for days, if necessary. Release your pain to your higher power--or--the Universe.
Forgive yourself. It will be o.k.
dandylion
This is my thought---I think that you may have to actually "mourn" your past actions in order to process through this. And, mourning is not exactly fun, but it can release you from these horrible feelings. go ahead and cry--cry for days, if necessary. Release your pain to your higher power--or--the Universe.
Forgive yourself. It will be o.k.
dandylion
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
"The only way out is through." I don't know who said that, but it's the truth. You'll get out of those feelings one day, and think of the amazing person they are helping you to become. It is ok to acknowledge our mistakes and the hurt we've caused...it's healing to try to repair the damage, and it is imperative to forgive ourselves afterwards.
It's true for everyone - although recovering from alcoholism seems to bring it all to light at once - I wouldn't wish that on anyone! Congrats on your sobriety BTW! Stay strong!
It's true for everyone - although recovering from alcoholism seems to bring it all to light at once - I wouldn't wish that on anyone! Congrats on your sobriety BTW! Stay strong!
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