Kingtarquin

I went to watch football Sunday. I watched and had 3 beers and 3 shots then forced myself to go home. I was so disappointed in myself as where I had not had a drink in 5 months. Not only do I physically feel ill, I emotionally am disappointed in my self. I don't enjoy drinking anymore however I do enjoy the fact I am more personable and people seem to enjoy me more when I have a drink. I know all of this sounds ridiculous but that's how I feel. I have a hard time getting along with people when I'm sober. I know I am only one out of a million people that probably feel the same way. I just want to be fun and social again.

lorelei

Hi king,
to SR,
Lots of us will recognise ourselves in what you say, drink to be more sociable, more exciting, interesting, more chatty....but look how its made you feel, is the social lift really worth feeling like this, ill bet not, I know its hard relearning social skills when we are shy etc but it can be done, and people see the real you that way. Thats something you can address in time.

You certainly haven't failed, 5 month's is a fantastic achievement, and no slip takes away your sober time, you need to mentally note how bad you feel so it moves you to keep going next time...but dont beat yourself up, whats done is done, so...day 1?

L x

Sparkos

What was your thought process leading up to even contemplating that first beer? Had you been thinking about it for a while?
Never mind what happened after you took that first sip. I'ts too late by then.
You've stopped for 5 months, that's fantastic.
Don't feel too disappointed, but do try and learn from it.
When you're feeling better, try to remember what you were thinking before you took that first sip and try to arm yourself to deny that thought should it come up again.
I found that sharing and reading posts in SR really does help with the affirmation that "I will never drink again and I will never change my mind"

Dee74

Hi and welcome kingtarquin

It took me a long time to learn to accept that the real me was not gregarious - I was actually kinda shy - it also took me a long time to learn to be sociable with people sober.

I had to drop some drinking buddies and make some new sober friends too.

All those changes took time.

I'm not sure it helpful to look at things as a failure...maybe it's better to think of it as a lesson learned that will help keep you in good stead this time

Have you got a plan for this time? a plan to maybe work a little more at being comfortable sober?

D

benice

First, congrats on your 5 months! Sorry to hear about your slip, but that does not wipe out your success. Get back up and on the journey. Clearly you are not alone in your thinking. I think most of us would prefer social drinking, but "normies" don't have to force themselves to go home and then wake up to such aftermath. Maybe someone else can tell us how to be social and fun again...I have not mastered that part of the plan. But it did help me to make a list of all the reasons I DO want to not drink...and that helps for now. This place is a great place for you now...peace...

hayley86

Welcome Kingtarquin, 5 months sober is a great achievement. With regards to being personable and struggling to get along with people when you are sober that is something i have learned to do in recovery. I also used to feel shy and i thought drinking gave me confidence and made me more sociable. It definitely didn't. Now i am sober i feel more confident and i have a lot more fun too. It just takes time. Glad you are here. Wishing you well.

Kingtarquin

What sort of plan? I am new to all of this. I just know I am a better person sober but don't consider myself an extreme alcoholic yet. I want to not be annoyed by other people. And it seems to give way when I drink. People become more tolerable when I imbibe. With that being said I too become more tolerable to my peers when I drink. At least that's what they tell me. I know look for new friends right? Well living on a small island doesn't make that avenue so easy to travel. Plus I work with some of these people. Are there certain social training skills I can work on?

Kingtarquin

My thought process was damn I really enjoy a good beer so why don't I have one. I enjoy beer. It wasn't like I couldn't stop. I did stop and went home. I just feel guilty and not so well.

Kingtarquin

Any ideas on some social skill training 101?

benice

This is a progressive situation, so if you do not consider yourself an extreme alcoholic yet, then congrats for nipping it in the bud. Many of us saw the signs way before we became extreme.

I think Dee asked if you had a plan to help with being more comfortable sober. Maybe that means watching the situations you put yourself in.

I'm glad you keep posting. You've gotta really want this to be able to fight the AV...which sounds like its roaring right about now. Keep up the fight...

Kingtarquin

Benice, what is an AV?

benice

I'm sure others here can help with that...but in short is your Alcoholic Voice. The thoughts that convince you everything is fine...you deserve to drink just like anyone...go ahead....you did great, lets celebrate...etc.

Hopefully others will explain it better. There is much posted about it on SR.

Kingtarquin

I didn't know there were plans for becoming comfortable. I know I seem ill prepared with answers, however I am, that is why I am here. I want to find some light that may help me realize and try to become more soberly genuine and friendly in social situation. It may be too much to ask, for knowing learning these traits are more valuable than being told these traits, so I suppose I understand where the constant struggle analogy gets its origin.

Kingtarquin

Wow, AV! I have heard those voices.

cbsmith

"people seem to enjoy me more when I have a drink"

This was my biggest fear in stopping drinking, but then I really tried to shine a light on this sentence. "Is it true?" Well, it SEEMS like it's true. It SEEMS like other people are enjoying themselves more because I am drinking. "Can you absolutely know that it's true?" I guess I could ask people. So I did. And I was kind of shocked and embarrassed by the responses I got back. Meaning NOT ONE PERSON said they preferred it when I was drunk. Not one. A couple people were glad I gave them the opportunity to say how much they DISLIKED me and my behavior. But by far the most common response was "enh, honestly I don't even really notice." meaning, whether you're drinking or not has little to no effect on MY enjoyment of the experience.

Mind-altering substances are exactly that. The first thing that is altered is our capability to experience empathy, good or bad. and empathy is what makes us human beings, and not dogs.

I love dogs, but I don't want to be one.

Congrats on 5 months. I promise you are impressing a lot more people than you think by the way you're acting sober.

Brian

Toffee1

You have done so well nobody can take those 5months away and I am sure your liver thanks you!! I don't think many people notice whether you drink or not you would prob be very surprised .most people just go about their own lives with or without beer and really don't care about other peoples drinking.i was out over weekend and friends just carried on as usual and all said what a good night it had been . My non drinking did not effect their enjoyment one way or another. We don't need to be the life and soul of a party all the time.

digdug

Congrats on giving it another go.

So many of us have used alcohol as a social lubricant. We feel we need it because we are no fun to others without it.

But the truth is that we are who we are, alcohol or not.

Because we've relied on alcohol for so long in these social situations, being sober feels off, weird, and maybe boring.

But with practice, you can be just as social sober. Probably more so, due to the fact that you can actually "hear" the people you're hanging out with.

Kingtarquin

What about taking meds for anxiety prescribed by a doctor? Won't that interfere with sobriety

digdug

It depends on the person, meds, and your doctor.

But in general, benzos (Valium, Xanax, Ativan, klonopin, etc.) are not suggested in early sobriety because they can be addicting themselves and work on the same brain pathways as alcohol, possibly leading to relapse.

There are other non-narcotic anxiety meds. Talk to your doctor and be honest about your alcohol problem.

gatorgirl67

Welcome King!!

There is lots help here to assist you in your sobriety!! I use what I have learned here everyday....that AV info is invaluable!!