Really scared about tomorrow
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
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Really scared about tomorrow
I wanted to share this in the meeting I went to tonight but the topic was "fun in sobriety" so it wasn't the right time. So I thought I'd put it out here.
I have been having bad nerve pain in my leg and hip for the last two months. Physical therapy hasn't helped so I'm going to see an orthopedist tomorrow. I have to get an xray and an MRI too.
He is located in the hospital where almost died. I'm getting panicky just thinking about going back there. All of the memories keep flooding back. The coma, the ventilator and breathing tube, the IVs/needles, the swarms of doctors, my family constantly crying. The look of utter terror and disappointment on their faces as they watched me almost die.
I hate flashbacks.
Just looking for some support. I'm just praying I don't have nightmares again tonight.
I have been having bad nerve pain in my leg and hip for the last two months. Physical therapy hasn't helped so I'm going to see an orthopedist tomorrow. I have to get an xray and an MRI too.
He is located in the hospital where almost died. I'm getting panicky just thinking about going back there. All of the memories keep flooding back. The coma, the ventilator and breathing tube, the IVs/needles, the swarms of doctors, my family constantly crying. The look of utter terror and disappointment on their faces as they watched me almost die.
I hate flashbacks.
Just looking for some support. I'm just praying I don't have nightmares again tonight.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,009
But you didnt die, you LIVED !
Doesn't that prove you have a strong fighting spirit ?
Isn't that the memory you should keep ?
You are also battling against your alcoholism.
Again, showing that you have a strong fighting spirit !
You may not be able to predict what will happen with your tests but you have that proven spirit to overcome whatever is thrown in your way !
Remember that and I wish you only the best for tomorrow !
Doesn't that prove you have a strong fighting spirit ?
Isn't that the memory you should keep ?
You are also battling against your alcoholism.
Again, showing that you have a strong fighting spirit !
You may not be able to predict what will happen with your tests but you have that proven spirit to overcome whatever is thrown in your way !
Remember that and I wish you only the best for tomorrow !
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
wow, dig, that's huge. I haven't had an experience like that, but I had something happen in my life too that causes the occasional flashback. They aren't pretty, are they?
Is there a way to spin this as a positive? you DIDN'T die. You can walk into that place, face that horrible experience, whole and SOBER. Rooting for you, hope you get some sleep knowing you are kicking your disease in the rear and it can't beat you.
Is there a way to spin this as a positive? you DIDN'T die. You can walk into that place, face that horrible experience, whole and SOBER. Rooting for you, hope you get some sleep knowing you are kicking your disease in the rear and it can't beat you.
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Join Date: May 2013
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Thanks, Kaneda!
I know rationally that it should be no big deal. There isn't anything seriously wrong with me. It's just my stupid leg.
But PTSD throws all that rational stuff out the window.
But in a way, I am grateful that I will never be able to forget that horror. People tell me that the hardest thing about getting more sober time is that we forget how bad it was. I don't think I'll have that problem.
I know rationally that it should be no big deal. There isn't anything seriously wrong with me. It's just my stupid leg.
But PTSD throws all that rational stuff out the window.
But in a way, I am grateful that I will never be able to forget that horror. People tell me that the hardest thing about getting more sober time is that we forget how bad it was. I don't think I'll have that problem.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: nomad
Posts: 253
Hey digdug,
This hospital is where you got your 2nd chance at life.think of it that way.i know going back to the place you almost die in isnt the place you want to go. This is a place that helped you. Calm your self down friend and breath. Do you have any one to go with u?
This hospital is where you got your 2nd chance at life.think of it that way.i know going back to the place you almost die in isnt the place you want to go. This is a place that helped you. Calm your self down friend and breath. Do you have any one to go with u?
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Nope. I'm on my own. I have to leave work early and I'm going to miss my lawyers AA meeting.
But yes, I am so grateful for my second chance at life. I thank my higher power every night.
I even wrote thank you notes to the doctors and nurses that saved me.
But just something about stepping into that hospital again. I already have panic attack disorder. I hope they have a gurney by the door
But yes, I am so grateful for my second chance at life. I thank my higher power every night.
I even wrote thank you notes to the doctors and nurses that saved me.
But just something about stepping into that hospital again. I already have panic attack disorder. I hope they have a gurney by the door
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
The good news is that you are not in that situation this time around. You can walk in there knowing that you will walk out. I understand the fear and anxiety. Breathe deep and walk in there to get the job done. Finding out what is wrong with your leg is imperative. We are here for you.
We are here for you.
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Meh. Don't really care about the leg. It's not that bad. I'm only going because it hurts to work out and my mom thinks I'm going to die if I don't stay in shape.
She thinks I'm going to die if I do just about anything. Can't blame her though. I had her worried sick.
It's hard to see how much our addictions really hurt our loved ones until the harm is already done. It's why I read the friends and family sections every day. I need to know that if I use again, I will be hurting people again.
She thinks I'm going to die if I do just about anything. Can't blame her though. I had her worried sick.
It's hard to see how much our addictions really hurt our loved ones until the harm is already done. It's why I read the friends and family sections every day. I need to know that if I use again, I will be hurting people again.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Originally Posted by digdug 
Meh. Don't really care about the leg. It's not that bad. I'm only going because it hurts to work out and my mom thinks I'm going to die if I don't stay in shape.
She thinks I'm going to die if I do just about anything. Can't blame her though. I had her worried sick.
It's hard to see how much our addictions really hurt our loved ones until the harm is already done. It's why I read the friends and family sections every day. I need to know that if I use again, I will be hurting people again.
She thinks I'm going to die if I do just about anything. Can't blame her though. I had her worried sick.
It's hard to see how much our addictions really hurt our loved ones until the harm is already done. It's why I read the friends and family sections every day. I need to know that if I use again, I will be hurting people again.
Yes, addiction can hurt everyone. I am glad that you are in the friends and family forum.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 98
Hi DigDug. I love that game, digdug My heart goes out to you. You are a survivor. That must have been a terrifying experience. 
I know it's in the same hospital, but hospitals can be really big places. Maybe it's in an entirely different part, and it won't be so bad. I understand anxiety and panic though. You know it's irrational but you still feel it. Is there anything that comforts you--maybe a favorite (non-alcoholic of course) drink, like some warm tea or coffee, that you could take with that would comfort you? Maybe bring a book that makes you smile, or some calming music along. Anything to distract from the panic feelings about where you are. <3
My heart goes out to you. You are a survivor. That must have been a terrifying experience. 
I know it's in the same hospital, but hospitals can be really big places. Maybe it's in an entirely different part, and it won't be so bad. I understand anxiety and panic though. You know it's irrational but you still feel it. Is there anything that comforts you--maybe a favorite (non-alcoholic of course) drink, like some warm tea or coffee, that you could take with that would comfort you? Maybe bring a book that makes you smile, or some calming music along. Anything to distract from the panic feelings about where you are. <3
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Thanks, Kristy.
I honestly have no idea where office is. The only time I've ever been admitted to that hospital is through the ER and/or on a stretcher.
Yes, I've been to that hospital other times, including two different lung collapses and MRSA.
How my body still even remotely functions is a mystery for the ages.
I will bring my new SR app and stay in touch with all of you!
I honestly have no idea where office is. The only time I've ever been admitted to that hospital is through the ER and/or on a stretcher.
Yes, I've been to that hospital other times, including two different lung collapses and MRSA.
How my body still even remotely functions is a mystery for the ages.
I will bring my new SR app and stay in touch with all of you!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Call your doctor before you leave, and tell him about your concerns. He doesn't need to know all the gory details. Telling him in advance may also help to calm some of your fears.
Returning to the scene of a past trauma, either fearing or expecting the worst, can be self-fulfilling. If your doctor and other health professionals know in advance that you feel shaky about the visit, they'll likely be happy to do whatever is necessary to make you comfortable. And you'll likely be less anxious about asking for help once you get there.
Returning to the scene of a past trauma, either fearing or expecting the worst, can be self-fulfilling. If your doctor and other health professionals know in advance that you feel shaky about the visit, they'll likely be happy to do whatever is necessary to make you comfortable. And you'll likely be less anxious about asking for help once you get there.
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At the hospital now waiting to get my X-rays. It's in the same building and floor as the ICU, but my anxiety level is only at medium. I'm just telling myself I'm just here to take care of business, not for an extended stay.
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Good for you dig dug, just keep reminding yourself that you are there to take care of business, and that you are there of your own will and power. Breathe. It won't last forever, and by this afternoon it will be behind you and you will be able to look back and see that you did something very courageous. My thoughts are with you, hang in there!
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I'm sitting here, eating my hoagie in tears.
My hips are dead. There is no more blood flow. They have already collapsed. I'm already in the final stage. It's from the alcohol.
I am 31 and will need a double hip replacement. I don't have to get it now. Just when the pain gets unbearable.
I hate that I did this to myself. That I ravaged my body with poison. I have no one or thing to blame right now.
The doctor tried to be upbeat. How I'm not going to die or anything. We talked about the surgery.
I called my sponsor and he talked me down. Told me we have to deal with our consequences. It's part of a sober lifestyle.
I called my mom and quickly told her. She didn't have time to really talk. I'm sure she's as crushed as me. Having to watch me die and then go through rehab. And now this.
I'm going to a meeting soon and then another. I will not drink today.
But I can't stop crying.
My hips are dead. There is no more blood flow. They have already collapsed. I'm already in the final stage. It's from the alcohol.
I am 31 and will need a double hip replacement. I don't have to get it now. Just when the pain gets unbearable.
I hate that I did this to myself. That I ravaged my body with poison. I have no one or thing to blame right now.
The doctor tried to be upbeat. How I'm not going to die or anything. We talked about the surgery.
I called my sponsor and he talked me down. Told me we have to deal with our consequences. It's part of a sober lifestyle.
I called my mom and quickly told her. She didn't have time to really talk. I'm sure she's as crushed as me. Having to watch me die and then go through rehab. And now this.
I'm going to a meeting soon and then another. I will not drink today.
But I can't stop crying.
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