PinotNOmore

So went almost two weeks without drinking. It was great. Swore to myself I wouldn't drink this weekend as we had family coming to town. Saturday I made it through our whole bbq but for some stupid reason justified drinking after everyone left. Well it caused problems with my husband and I felt so sick yesterday I thought I needed to keep drinking to feel better. What a disaster! Now I'm miserable. Foggy, stomach ache, total mess and I have no one to blame but myself. Plus, we still have family here to entertain and I'm worried I made a fool of myself. I'm on the verge of giving up, but what does giving up mean? It's pretty much give up and die when it comes to this. I've never thought I was a "serious" alcoholic but Im beginning to think I'm avoiding admitting the obvious. I think this is a way bigger issue then I have been willing to admit. I'm just at a loss. Really have no idea what to do next. Alcohol really should be illegal. It's just or more destructive then any other drug out there. I just want to feel normal again. I give up. Ugh!

ReadyAtLast

Welcome back Pinot

Giving up is when you give up quitting.There's always hope when you're trying to quit.

I struggled many times before I finally quit. Can you identify what is happening at say 2 weeks etc that is making you go back to drinking.

Maybe look at doing somethign extra this time

MTD

Don't give up. Life is so wonderful when you live it sober. I too didn't know if I could give up drinking but I felt so horrible about myself I knew that if I didn't quit I was going to go insane. I have bee sober almost two months and I still avoid gatherings with alcohol being served. I don't know if I will ever be able to be around it again but I don't really care how long it takes. You have to do anything it takes to get and stay sober the benefits are so worth it and the self loathing will go away. Hoping you find your way.

SoberChristy

Whatever you do, DO NOT GIVE UP. You never know what opportunities and changes are in store for you around the corner. I don't think labels like "alcoholic" matter. If not drinking makes you feel better, don't drink. I know you probably feel alone in this, but you're not. We are here for you!

Mizzuno

You can not give up. This is not an option. Get back on the horse Pinot and start riding into sobriety.

NJKitty

Welcome to SR. You will find lots of support and advise here. Two weeks is a great start and its a good sign that after one slip up, you are right back here.

I too had a tendency to make it through an event where my 'presence' was needed, then as I would breath a sigh of relief, mistakenly thought it was a good time to celebrate, only to wake up sick and knowing I said or did something I regret. All of the pride from pulling off the task at hand was taken over by the guilt and shame. Use this experience to be able to recognize it next time before it happens. No matter what, never quit trying to be a quitter.

PinotNOmore

Thanks everyone. I wish it was Saturday again. I'd choose a different path that's for sure.

hayley86

Hi Pinot, its good that you realize how great you felt when you were sober for those 2 weeks. That should be a big motivator to get back there. Don't give up trying. Sometimes it takes numerous attempts to quit before it clicks. Its always better to start again straight away which it seems like you are doing by posting here. Hopefully you can prevent this from happening next time. Glad you are here.

soberclover

It took me a really long time to finally decide not to drink. During that time I was making a lot of bad decisions and having to deal with those negative consequences. It sounds like perhaps your negatives are starting to add up and you are thinking about how drinking is involved in this whole mess. Living a sober life really is a positive thing. It takes a little bit to get there but most of us who are living a sober life are happy with our choice.

doggonecarl

If you are willing to admit that you are an alcoholic, perhaps you will incorporate the kind of recovery processes that support sobriety. Admitting you are an alcoholic also means accepting you can never drink again. Are you really there yet? Ask yourself when the hangover and the shame of the weekend fades...

PinotNOmore

Clover, your post is dead on. The negatives have been adding up for a while now. I have had a lot more sober days in the past few months then drunk days but when I do drink the outcome is generally worse than it used to be. I think that's a sign something has to change.

wakko

AA worked and continues to work for me. It is worth a try.

Melina

Hey PinotNOmore,

It looks like you used alcohol as your 'reward' for getting through a social event without drinking.

Basically your mind said, 'well I didn't drink, so now I can drink.'

We are silly creatures, huh. We wired ourselves to do that through years of drinking. As I've come to understand here on SR, that's our AV.

Maybe start an affirmation to yourself before you have dinners with family or have to entertain....'alcohol is not a reward, it's a punishment. Alcohol is not a reward, it's a punishment. Alcohol is not a reward, it's a punishment.' And on and on and on.

Stay with us!

fini

I've never thought I was a "serious" alcoholic but Im beginning to think I'm avoiding admitting the obvious. I think this is a way bigger issue then I have been willing to admit.

PinotNOmore,
this is such a good thing to know! to see, to let sink in.
painful, yes, but for me, seeing this was the first step to really getting away from drinking.
whatever you see, don't shove it away.
let yourself tell you how it really is.

then you'll find your way from there. knowing how it really is, with no fudging, is an excellent base to start from.

PinotNOmore

So true Melina. SO true! And Fini thanks! Great way to think of it!

Fandy

You can't do-over last Saturday...but you can remember it vividly and be sure it doesn't happen again, along with Sunday's poor choices to continue the binge.

I don't know your story, so i won't comment or give advice, but you seem to know where you DON'T want to be repeatedly....so maybe Think, don't drink.

ScottFromWI

I think you might have hit the nail on the head right there Pinot. There is no such thing as "serious alcoholism", or even "mild alcoholism" for that matter. Granted, some may have progressed much farther in the disease and have more serious physical and environmental consequences, but an alcoholic is an alcoholic -period.

You mentioned that the "bad" things have been cropping up and becoming more frequent and more "bad". That's the nature of the disease - and they will get more frequent and more severe, that's a guarantee.

But the bottom line is that you have to 100% accept your alcoholism. You have to take ownership of it and not blame it on any stresses/triggers/issues surrounding you. Only then will you be free of it.

digdug

Hi Pinot,

I've been following your posts for a little while and it seems like (and please correct me if I'm wrong), that you tend to give up your sobriety during these types of events, be it friends from out of town, girls' nights out, family bbqs, etc.

I know you wish you could go back to Saturday and chose a different path. Do you have anyone to who is sober/in recovery to call when you know you're approaching a situation that may cause you to drink? Do you have a support system? Are you taking advantage of it? Contacting people in times of need can help you chose a different path before it's too late.

Glad you're back and don't give up!