Just been to a Al Anon meeting - love the awarenesses
God's Kid
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
Just been to a Al Anon meeting - love the awarenesses
I just been to a great meeting and thought I would share some awareness I am going through at the moment. It helps me to talk about them and I thought it may help someone else.
I've been attending Al Anon for about 10 years now on a regular basis (at least once a week) I have a sponsor and have recently moved to a new city and chosen a home group which I will continue to attend - it's a lifeline to me really, regardless of what is happening in my life or who is in it or who is not.
But today because of the meeting I have been reflecting on the relationship that brought me into Al Anon and how the guy I was with did not want people in Al Anon to know what was happening in our relationship. He was a sober AA member and in hindsight probably extremely paranoid and I assume felt guilty about some of the behaviour he was dishing out to me. There was actually some Al Anon members he took a serious disliking too and use to try and 'suggest' other alternatives.
My way of dealing with this was (in the end) was to ignore him. Lol. Which actually makes me laugh now as I have now idea where I developed the ability. Detachment is probably the proper word. When he raved I'd just think about something else or leave the room. And yeah, I learnt those actions in Al Anon of course. But to begin with when it started I would defend myself, argue with him, get aggressive back or take his inventory of his AA friends. Dunno how long it took me to notice that if I didn't indulge in these behaviours I actually felt better. From memory though it was rather a revelation. Of course I would feel hurt or uncomfortable briefly while he raved but then it was over pretty quickly.
I think I often reflect on that relationship in meetings as my desire to 'make myself right' in that relationship was huge and I could not see it. I had to be 'right' all the time and I could not just accept that in a relationship that was the way to war. My ego just wouldn't allow it. So, we were at war a lot.
One of the things I love about Al Anon (for me) is recovery is about a life long journey. I learn a bit. Then I learn a bit more. Sometimes in hindsight. Well a lot of the time in hindsight. But I get there.
I've been attending Al Anon for about 10 years now on a regular basis (at least once a week) I have a sponsor and have recently moved to a new city and chosen a home group which I will continue to attend - it's a lifeline to me really, regardless of what is happening in my life or who is in it or who is not.
But today because of the meeting I have been reflecting on the relationship that brought me into Al Anon and how the guy I was with did not want people in Al Anon to know what was happening in our relationship. He was a sober AA member and in hindsight probably extremely paranoid and I assume felt guilty about some of the behaviour he was dishing out to me. There was actually some Al Anon members he took a serious disliking too and use to try and 'suggest' other alternatives.
My way of dealing with this was (in the end) was to ignore him. Lol. Which actually makes me laugh now as I have now idea where I developed the ability. Detachment is probably the proper word. When he raved I'd just think about something else or leave the room. And yeah, I learnt those actions in Al Anon of course. But to begin with when it started I would defend myself, argue with him, get aggressive back or take his inventory of his AA friends. Dunno how long it took me to notice that if I didn't indulge in these behaviours I actually felt better. From memory though it was rather a revelation. Of course I would feel hurt or uncomfortable briefly while he raved but then it was over pretty quickly.
I think I often reflect on that relationship in meetings as my desire to 'make myself right' in that relationship was huge and I could not see it. I had to be 'right' all the time and I could not just accept that in a relationship that was the way to war. My ego just wouldn't allow it. So, we were at war a lot.
One of the things I love about Al Anon (for me) is recovery is about a life long journey. I learn a bit. Then I learn a bit more. Sometimes in hindsight. Well a lot of the time in hindsight. But I get there.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by DragynLady 
Al Anon has taught me so much, in the short time I've gone. I'm actually looking forward to my meeting tonight. It helps in more than just dealing with your addict, too!
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