Fallow

So I came up a day short of 9 months sober. Longest I had since being a kid.
The main lesson I have learned is that this is a journey. Life and all I mean. And recovery too. So far I have drank on 4 occasions. 3 drinks at my anniversary dinner. 2 drinks at dinner one week later. 1 beer on Friday night. Then last night out with the boys all day and night had 9 drinks.
Not the direction I want to go in.
Slight hangover today but nothing serious.

I hate hangovers.

Stress got me good. I thought I could deal with life on lifes terms but that was a lie. I found out what my triggers are! They are excuses to drink. Fear is the big one for me. No I cannot accept the things I cannot control. Or change.

I'm working on it still.

Awhile ago I felt so sober that I had a hard time posting here in newcomers. I thought I had nothing to bring to the table. I couldn't relate anymore. I am a newcomer though. Not sure if I am ready to get clean yet. But I want to start posting here again in the hopes I can get some help on my journey. Even possibly help someone. Or at a bare minimum take up some bandwidth ranting and getting my feelings out.

ReadyAtLast

I'm glad you're back Fallow

lorelei

9 months is amazing, nothing takes away your sober time, no matter how things stand now x

digdug

Welcome back!

This was actually the topic of the meeting I went to yesterday. Someone was weary about what they brought to the table because they only had a few days sober. But it was mentioned that someone with only 2 days can still help someone with just a day. This isn't a competition on time. It's about the value of experience and learning from mistakes through yourself and others.

Those 9 months didn't just disappear into thin air. You must have learned a lot on that journey. Keep it with you and apply it again.

Good luck!

Dano1975

Similar experience here, 3 days short of a year I went back out. Had some fun times, had some really bad times, got another DUI. Back again with 34 days, I think I needed to beat myself up a little more. Feeling much more confident and sure of my decision going in this time. Good luck to you.

Zazzzzz

The first step is just keeping communication open, here or anywhere else. I've fallen off the wagon often enough that I've also felt I didn't "deserve" to post, but there are some regulars I looked up to on here who have done the same recently. Just keep the channels open and available. You're ready when you're ready.

geno198

Everyone has Something to bring to the table. life experience is the best because its real. welcome back

Mizzuno

Hey Fallow. Its good to see you back on the forum.

GhostFace

I thought I was not ready to be sober since I always abuse substance to get away from feeling normal. 7 days now and I feel great. Been to bars and bbq this week just drinking water and refusing drinks. Im so mad about me past and all the mistakes and humiliation that Im disgusted with drinking. Never thought that I would feel this way toward sobriety as I use to look down on people who did not drink or get high. I know there are going to be tough days but im preparing myself.

Anna

Fallow, I hope you continue to try stopping and I'm glad you're here.

Fallow

Yes there are gonna be some tough days.

Thanks everyone for your kind words it means a lot.

I saw this relapse coming a mile away. My efforts to get off the tracks were insufficient.

Dano its amazing how we can get so close to a milestone and just not reach it. I was wishing to get to a year really badly. Maybe next time.

hypochondriac

That's freaky, I was thinking about you the other day Fallow and wondering how you were getting on. So glad you're back

Do you feel like there was any connection with you drinking again and not posting here...? I only ask that cos I feel like if I don't connect here frequently I feel alone out there with all the normal people and I feel like I should drink, y'know, moderately, that thing I am rubbish at doing. I feel 'other than' when I am disconnected from other sober people.

I don't know where this feeling that you're not ready to be clean comes from though Fallow. The advantage of SR is that it logs our posts and you can go back and read everything you have written. You have a good backlog here. When I go back and read my old posts I feel how I felt when I wrote them. My first post might seem flippant and not much to some people but I can remember how drunk I was when I wrote it and how amazed I was that I found this place and that people responded. I cried. Then I avoided it for months because I knew I had to quit drinking. Maybe reading back your old posts will clarify things for you. I think you're ready x

Weasel1966

Mr. Fallow. BS! No one with 9 months sober is not ready for it.

Listen my friend.... That is av telling you that. You are still under the after effects and it feels strong.

But guess what? You needed to feel it. Remind yourself. That's not failure. Not something so bad you throw the damn baby out with the wash water.

Post more. Say what ya are thinking. I want to hear.

Ken

hayley86

Welcome back Fallow. Glad you are here.

least

Glad you're back giving it another go.

courage2

Fallow!

You've helped me just by posting this today.

Hevyn

Good to see you Fallow. I'm so glad you didn't give up.

Raider

Yea Fallon! Stay with us!!!

lillyknitting

You did well. You did amazing. You can do even better, for if you've given up for nine months you can give it up forever. You can do this. Stop messing about and start today, forever.

Dee74

welcome back mate

D