I slip again :-(
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
I slip again :-(
I went out a few days before my birthday. I just turn 31 and I got so drunk and keep drinking for 5 days straight at hotel. Send over $1300. Not working at the moment and someone took some of the money and Don't know what to do. I will get my last pay check which is over $2700 but don't know when I will get it yet.
I feel dumb and stupid. Why I always to this to myself. Stop 2 days ago drinking but I can't keep making myself fail. Why can't I not take the first drink. I was nervous just before I started drinking.
I feel dumb and stupid. Why I always to this to myself. Stop 2 days ago drinking but I can't keep making myself fail. Why can't I not take the first drink. I was nervous just before I started drinking.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
The thing is I've seen you try the same thing over and over...
you go on a bender, you stop, you go ok for a while, you stop posting here,and then you think that a night out or few drinks won't hurt....
It's a really vicious cycle, R.
You're not a failure - you keep trying....
but it's a 100% certainty, for any of us, that if we keep doing the same things, we'll get the same results.
D
you go on a bender, you stop, you go ok for a while, you stop posting here,and then you think that a night out or few drinks won't hurt....
It's a really vicious cycle, R.
You're not a failure - you keep trying....
but it's a 100% certainty, for any of us, that if we keep doing the same things, we'll get the same results.
D
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Dee74 you're right but I try many things, AA, SOS, SMART and group therapy but I don't seem to stay with it. I get depress and want to drink. I also get lazy at times, it's my thinking process.
I do surrender with depression and anxiety. I may need to go back on it.
I do surrender with depression and anxiety. I may need to go back on it.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
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Action, you're bound to feel depressed at the moment - you're still withdrawing. You're not a failure, just trapped in a cycle that you really CAN get out of
I don't know your circumstances, but I found volunteering at the local homeless shelter, a GREAT help, as at least I had a roof over my head and it also showed me what like could become like, if I carried on the way I was going. Once I had, had a drink, even bills, would be put to one side as ' other people had worse debts ', in my drunken mind.
Have you thought about doing some voluntary work? Something that changes day-to-day life to give you a brand new beginning?
I don't know your circumstances, but I found volunteering at the local homeless shelter, a GREAT help, as at least I had a roof over my head and it also showed me what like could become like, if I carried on the way I was going. Once I had, had a drink, even bills, would be put to one side as ' other people had worse debts ', in my drunken mind.
Have you thought about doing some voluntary work? Something that changes day-to-day life to give you a brand new beginning?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
Action, you're bound to feel depressed at the moment - you're still withdrawing. You're not a failure, just trapped in a cycle that you really CAN get out of
I don't know your circumstances, but I found volunteering at the local homeless shelter, a GREAT help, as at least I had a roof over my head and it also showed me what like could become like, if I carried on the way I was going. Once I had, had a drink, even bills, would be put to one side as ' other people had worse debts ', in my drunken mind.
Have you thought about doing some voluntary work? Something that changes day-to-day life to give you a brand new beginning?
I don't know your circumstances, but I found volunteering at the local homeless shelter, a GREAT help, as at least I had a roof over my head and it also showed me what like could become like, if I carried on the way I was going. Once I had, had a drink, even bills, would be put to one side as ' other people had worse debts ', in my drunken mind.
Have you thought about doing some voluntary work? Something that changes day-to-day life to give you a brand new beginning?
I'm only on day 2 myself. The best advice I can give is avoid all situations where alcohol is available and constantly post on SR. Maybe with a hobby you can do at home (that's not a trigger) at the same time. Hobby --> SR --> Hobby --> SR (repeat).
Other than that, I've been stuck in the same cycle as you. Just this past Thursday, my brain felt like your avatar. Please hang in there.
Other than that, I've been stuck in the same cycle as you. Just this past Thursday, my brain felt like your avatar. Please hang in there.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Man, I know that feeling. But don't forget this:
I was over 40 when I finally quit. So from where I sit, even if it's only Day 3, you've got me beat by years. All that failure nonsense is just part of the addiction, one of the ways it tries to pull you back in. Yes, you've got a serious addiction, and it's going to take some serious commitment to kick it (and serious thought to that lingering question of a plan). But the good news is you're alive, you're here, and you still have most of your life ahead of you.
Good for you, stopping the slide before it went further.
Originally Posted by ACT10Npack
I just turn 31
Good for you, stopping the slide before it went further.
Feeling good is a trap- I set myself up so many times, started drinking without even thinking about past that.
I think there is a mindset when we have not been drunk for a while- it is easy to forget the pain, and so easy to go with the flow or get into party mood.
There are always places to go and people to drink with. There will always be the open invitations, and special occasions. We cannot take ourselves out of the equation.
I think there is a mindset when we have not been drunk for a while- it is easy to forget the pain, and so easy to go with the flow or get into party mood.
There are always places to go and people to drink with. There will always be the open invitations, and special occasions. We cannot take ourselves out of the equation.
I am so new and only a few days in after several of hundred dollar weeks of doing the same thing and then broke having to lie to loved ones to either get another bottle or keep the lights on...I am trying my hardest and determined to beat this beast!!! I keep this site (SR) up almost 24 hours a day, even when I am in the bed, in case I wake up and just read the threads, I don't usually comment as I am so new but can relate to your pain.....when it gets so bad I need one on one I go to chat...that helps me a lot as well...I wish you the best....
with every relapse you learn and build. My relapses have been important as I have learnt how important self awareness becomes, how you feel and be able to deal with this before picking up the drink. I was told, the last thing we do, if pick up the drink. There was a lot of crap leading to this drink that wasn't dealt with. I already knew well in advance I was going to relapse and planned it. Remember, your sobriety date starts over, but you don't. You are learning and building. The key: don't give up. Who cares, 5 days of drinking...you probably dranks for year. Get healthy and get plugged into recovery. Recovery is daily so make sure every day you are expose to recovery...meetings, the web, reading Big Book, reading about others in recovery, hand out with people in recovery. Get in the middle of the boat so when the sea get rough, you don't fall off...take care!
All that failure nonsense is just part of the addiction, one of the ways it tries to pull you back in. Yes, you've got a serious addiction, and it's going to take some serious commitment to kick it (and serious thought to that lingering question of a plan). But the good news is you're alive, you're here, and you still have most of your life ahead of you.
Good for you, stopping the slide before it went further.
Good for you, stopping the slide before it went further.
As RAA says...you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Time to stop thinking of the past and focus on your future. By the time you get to my age you could have 17 years of sobriety...
Best wishes to you x
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