Day 1, again, I guess.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 9
Day 1, again, I guess.
Hello all, I've wandered on to this site a few time previously and admired the support and advice given by so many (and the similarities to my own stories and experiences). I figured I'd register, this will be one of several attempts to get and remain sober and being part of this group can only be motivational I hope... Mostly I hope that documenting my story will help me with my own struggles (maybe to re-read), and maybe it might help others who are at the start or nearing the end of their journeys (maybe some will never end - I rather suspect this can be the outcome for some - maybe you just learn to manage).
I appreciate those reading this by the way, I can waffle and I rather fancy I'll probably do so in this thread. I also appreciate any advice given as I'm at a real low currently - that said, I've been here before, so I will overcome short-term - its the long term struggle I have.
I guess it started at the age of 13 with smoking - gave up mid twenties, would never go back - thank goodness I conquered that one.
From 15, all the recreational drugs I could get my hands on for my clubbing years, molly, speed, cannabis, all the usual suspects through the experimental stage. I guess after eating approx 500 pills (yes, I'm that bored I did the math) over this time, I was a little over it (and the decline in quality of MDMA etc). Significant amounts of disposable income and no kids saw to a great time of my life, and interestingly I wandered up the career ladder reasonably well despite the frequent Sunday to Thursday blues from the ups and downs in serotonin levels and exercise of the heart muscles
. I might point out also that I met my wife at the age of 15 as well so we've taken the same journey throughout.
Increased maturity moved me to focus on my career and along came alcohol - a great way to relax at the end of the day, promote a bit of energy to cook up something nice for the wife - various phases came next including getting fit, buying a house, holidays, all alongside (probably without really noticing it), an increase in daily alcohol intake (3-5 cans of beer or 1-2 bottles of wine a day would be the norm).
Wind forward to the age of 32, continued excessive drinking for around 5-8 years, 2 kids under the age of 5 and the world of drugs are opened up to me again through SWIM who can literally obtain any pharma or recreational drug available. Not cheap, but freely available and extremely good quality - of everything.
Having two kids and all the additional pressures that came with, resulted in my reaching out to a 10mg Valium and a bottle of champagne once the kids were in bed. First benzo ever taken and mixed with the wine was incredible - kind of allowed me to 'connect' with my wife again in a certain way that's hard to explain - no longer were we just mum and day, but had a cracking night (and slept bloody good too. I was instantly hooked (not my wife - she doesn't have that dependence element in her brain thankfully) but I do I believe.
In the last 18 months, I moved through about 50% of benzo types, MDMA, meth, LSD and various other pharmas all in varying combinations and strengths as I was literally fascinated in the ability to order from an extensive menu and with the right research, remain safe and have an amazing time again. I caveat this significantly with the fact that I did my research and tested everything I was provided with so whilst not 100% safe (no drug is), I was confident about what I was consuming.
Now I really cannot be sure whether life was any better or not by this point as I simply replaced the booze with drugs (and the rekindling of the good old times) but the turning point was finding opiates.
I always regards Heroin as the lowest of low drugs, the scum bags took it you know? Trainspotting and all that... So instead I played with synthetic and semi-synthetic, Oxycodone, Hydromorphone, Oxymorphone, Morphine, etc and both my wife and I fell absolutely in love with this class of drugs. Then one day I figured I'd try the big H, I have vowed never to inject so ordered some hospital grade No.4 and suddenly I understood why so many are destroyed by this drug. In only 9-12 months, I have been up and down more times than I can possibly imagine. The thrill of the first line, the immediate rush (although nowhere near as good I imagine as other routes of administration), the warm glow and ensuing relaxation and, or for the time being, an ability not to be stressed and worn out by my kids. I am ashamed to admit that I got to the point of taking drugs around my children (without them having a clue of course) and realise that for the sake of my relationship with my wife and kids, this situation is wholly unsustainable.
So, here we are today, having overcome the addition of Xanax (which is absolutely hidieous), albeith still on 4 - 8 valiums per day, I'm yet again on day 1 of no H in my system. Nasal drip, toilet runs and aching bones here we come. Yay! The mind of an addict is a fascinating one - I know full well given the amount and quality of H that I source, that following a binge, I will be in for a weeks worth of pain and suffering yet I continue to reach back out and order another few grams.
The worst part is that I've taken my wife down the same journey - I guess we've been together as one forever hence have no hesitation in 100% honesty. As far as I know, aside of her annoyance in my return to ordering opiates (and her inability to resist when it's in the house), she holds no or little resentment and I'm amazed - I've been an idiot.
So today my wife is at work, we're both feeling the blues, I'm at home looking after my two kids who won't play by themselves like in my day, instead they are badgering for tv and iPods which I refuse to give in to.
Today I could do with a warm bed, my wife beside me, a therapist and masseuse on demand and a babysitter to take the kids to the park - it just aint gonna happen is it?
The point to the above? I'm not some self obsessed idiot who wants to talk about my woes, I genuinely want to change and having had plenty of professional help for alcoholism and substance abuse, I continue to wander back down the path of alcohol and opiates - it's incredible, especially given just how bad I feel right now.
I'm also writing this down as I need a distraction to stop going to the pharmacy to get a box of Panadeine Extra to extract the Codeine and take the edge off. In between Fentanyl, Oxymorphone and Heroin I am a daily user of approx 500mg Codeine per day.
Guess I had best get back to looking after the kids, thanks if you got this far and I appreciate any advice from any of you. I'll do my best to journal how things are going - it's got to change and I'm motivated to do it, just that part in my brain that's not as it should be (plus a total lack of self-discipline I suppose).
For those who have yet to check out drugs or opiates (I'm guessing you're probably recovering from alcohol, drugs or some other experience to be here though), be safe and strong. I hope to.
I know it could all be worse, I haven't lost my wife, kids, been abused etc but I still figured reaching out on this forum might be helpful - fingers crossed.
Cheers for now.
I appreciate those reading this by the way, I can waffle and I rather fancy I'll probably do so in this thread. I also appreciate any advice given as I'm at a real low currently - that said, I've been here before, so I will overcome short-term - its the long term struggle I have.
I guess it started at the age of 13 with smoking - gave up mid twenties, would never go back - thank goodness I conquered that one.
From 15, all the recreational drugs I could get my hands on for my clubbing years, molly, speed, cannabis, all the usual suspects through the experimental stage. I guess after eating approx 500 pills (yes, I'm that bored I did the math) over this time, I was a little over it (and the decline in quality of MDMA etc). Significant amounts of disposable income and no kids saw to a great time of my life, and interestingly I wandered up the career ladder reasonably well despite the frequent Sunday to Thursday blues from the ups and downs in serotonin levels and exercise of the heart muscles
. I might point out also that I met my wife at the age of 15 as well so we've taken the same journey throughout. Increased maturity moved me to focus on my career and along came alcohol - a great way to relax at the end of the day, promote a bit of energy to cook up something nice for the wife - various phases came next including getting fit, buying a house, holidays, all alongside (probably without really noticing it), an increase in daily alcohol intake (3-5 cans of beer or 1-2 bottles of wine a day would be the norm).
Wind forward to the age of 32, continued excessive drinking for around 5-8 years, 2 kids under the age of 5 and the world of drugs are opened up to me again through SWIM who can literally obtain any pharma or recreational drug available. Not cheap, but freely available and extremely good quality - of everything.
Having two kids and all the additional pressures that came with, resulted in my reaching out to a 10mg Valium and a bottle of champagne once the kids were in bed. First benzo ever taken and mixed with the wine was incredible - kind of allowed me to 'connect' with my wife again in a certain way that's hard to explain - no longer were we just mum and day, but had a cracking night (and slept bloody good too
. I was instantly hooked (not my wife - she doesn't have that dependence element in her brain thankfully) but I do I believe. In the last 18 months, I moved through about 50% of benzo types, MDMA, meth, LSD and various other pharmas all in varying combinations and strengths as I was literally fascinated in the ability to order from an extensive menu and with the right research, remain safe and have an amazing time again. I caveat this significantly with the fact that I did my research and tested everything I was provided with so whilst not 100% safe (no drug is), I was confident about what I was consuming.
Now I really cannot be sure whether life was any better or not by this point as I simply replaced the booze with drugs (and the rekindling of the good old times) but the turning point was finding opiates.
I always regards Heroin as the lowest of low drugs, the scum bags took it you know? Trainspotting and all that... So instead I played with synthetic and semi-synthetic, Oxycodone, Hydromorphone, Oxymorphone, Morphine, etc and both my wife and I fell absolutely in love with this class of drugs. Then one day I figured I'd try the big H, I have vowed never to inject so ordered some hospital grade No.4 and suddenly I understood why so many are destroyed by this drug. In only 9-12 months, I have been up and down more times than I can possibly imagine. The thrill of the first line, the immediate rush (although nowhere near as good I imagine as other routes of administration), the warm glow and ensuing relaxation and, or for the time being, an ability not to be stressed and worn out by my kids. I am ashamed to admit that I got to the point of taking drugs around my children (without them having a clue of course) and realise that for the sake of my relationship with my wife and kids, this situation is wholly unsustainable.
So, here we are today, having overcome the addition of Xanax (which is absolutely hidieous), albeith still on 4 - 8 valiums per day, I'm yet again on day 1 of no H in my system. Nasal drip, toilet runs and aching bones here we come. Yay! The mind of an addict is a fascinating one - I know full well given the amount and quality of H that I source, that following a binge, I will be in for a weeks worth of pain and suffering yet I continue to reach back out and order another few grams.
The worst part is that I've taken my wife down the same journey - I guess we've been together as one forever hence have no hesitation in 100% honesty. As far as I know, aside of her annoyance in my return to ordering opiates (and her inability to resist when it's in the house), she holds no or little resentment and I'm amazed - I've been an idiot.
So today my wife is at work, we're both feeling the blues, I'm at home looking after my two kids who won't play by themselves like in my day, instead they are badgering for tv and iPods which I refuse to give in to
. Today I could do with a warm bed, my wife beside me, a therapist and masseuse on demand and a babysitter to take the kids to the park - it just aint gonna happen is it?
The point to the above? I'm not some self obsessed idiot who wants to talk about my woes, I genuinely want to change and having had plenty of professional help for alcoholism and substance abuse, I continue to wander back down the path of alcohol and opiates - it's incredible, especially given just how bad I feel right now.
I'm also writing this down as I need a distraction to stop going to the pharmacy to get a box of Panadeine Extra to extract the Codeine and take the edge off. In between Fentanyl, Oxymorphone and Heroin I am a daily user of approx 500mg Codeine per day.
Guess I had best get back to looking after the kids, thanks if you got this far and I appreciate any advice from any of you. I'll do my best to journal how things are going - it's got to change and I'm motivated to do it, just that part in my brain that's not as it should be (plus a total lack of self-discipline I suppose).
For those who have yet to check out drugs or opiates (I'm guessing you're probably recovering from alcohol, drugs or some other experience to be here though), be safe and strong. I hope to.
I know it could all be worse, I haven't lost my wife, kids, been abused etc but I still figured reaching out on this forum might be helpful - fingers crossed.
Cheers for now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 9
Hi Dee74, thanks, I'm hoping to find some friends here.
I have had professional help, my Dr is great and has helped me through some of my story, plus he currently prescribes the Valium. I should probably be in rehab this week given the amount I'm coming off but with two kids and being two full time parents, it's tough to find the time to plan this. I found my psychiatrist to be more nuts than me but I have got a psychologist appt next week so will see how that goes, it's definitely about long term therapy for me.
Anyhow, will keep my journal going.
thanks for getting in touch.
I have had professional help, my Dr is great and has helped me through some of my story, plus he currently prescribes the Valium. I should probably be in rehab this week given the amount I'm coming off but with two kids and being two full time parents, it's tough to find the time to plan this. I found my psychiatrist to be more nuts than me but I have got a psychologist appt next week so will see how that goes, it's definitely about long term therapy for me.
Anyhow, will keep my journal going.
thanks for getting in touch.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,747
Hi there and welcome.
Sounds as if you have quite a varied and serious drug problem.
I can only relate to 35 years on benzos, along with 50 years of alcohol consumption, from the extreme to the latter relatively light, albeit ultra controlled and in no way satisfactory.
Benzos, and xanax is one of the worst, can be very tricky. Much of my consumption, far from obtaining any high, involved tapering to avoid horrendous withdrawal. Actually I used benzodiazepines for relief from a really awful relationship. Silly me! Double the trouble.
All I can say really is, in the long term, the short term pleasure, requiring more and more of the diminishing 'same' is far outweighed by the long term pain which occurs in many ways. Our thinking can become so perverse as not to recognize this in any meaningful and preventing way.
Change for me, over decades, involved the muddled desire which saw my involvement in self help programs and psychology including CBT, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, philosophy, gym work, etc all of which I believe helped in varying degrees.
In more latter years I see the catalyst as AA involvement.
For me the 4 most important concepts now involve a higher power, best as I can genuinely understand such, involvement with others who have shared similar problems,
ongoing AA Big Book literature, and importantly the realization that drugs and alcohol made horrendous marks on my life. I see this last aspect as essentially the crux in taking any affirmative action, and thus adopting a sound program.
Readiness is the key..............
Sounds as if you have quite a varied and serious drug problem.
I can only relate to 35 years on benzos, along with 50 years of alcohol consumption, from the extreme to the latter relatively light, albeit ultra controlled and in no way satisfactory.
Benzos, and xanax is one of the worst, can be very tricky. Much of my consumption, far from obtaining any high, involved tapering to avoid horrendous withdrawal. Actually I used benzodiazepines for relief from a really awful relationship. Silly me! Double the trouble.
All I can say really is, in the long term, the short term pleasure, requiring more and more of the diminishing 'same' is far outweighed by the long term pain which occurs in many ways. Our thinking can become so perverse as not to recognize this in any meaningful and preventing way.
Change for me, over decades, involved the muddled desire which saw my involvement in self help programs and psychology including CBT, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, philosophy, gym work, etc all of which I believe helped in varying degrees.
In more latter years I see the catalyst as AA involvement.
For me the 4 most important concepts now involve a higher power, best as I can genuinely understand such, involvement with others who have shared similar problems,
ongoing AA Big Book literature, and importantly the realization that drugs and alcohol made horrendous marks on my life. I see this last aspect as essentially the crux in taking any affirmative action, and thus adopting a sound program.
Readiness is the key..............
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Hello. I can relate to you with the kids. I struggle with alcohol addiction and it is so very hard. They don't see me drunk. I hide it. But the day after my "mommy mode" is pitifully decreased.They are 2, 3, and 9. The stress of being home with them all day leads me to drink, but they are my biggest joy in life and I enjoy them sooo much more when I'm sober, so it doesn't make sense.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 9
Hi Murchovski, thanks for the reply. Yes, I couldn't agree more about Xanax - it's a hideous drug - and yet extremely easy to get prescribed - it amazes me (in fact I have a script with 2 repeats in the cupboard - should probably shred those, yet the mind of an addict likes to keep them sitting there in case...). As a drug it only seeks to mask any underlying issues IMHO. Tapering off of them was painful and long.
Sounds like you have had a lot of experience across the years - so thanks for the response. I'm guessing I'll find the pillars that eventually prevent me from going insane in the long run - some of which may well be those you have mentioned.
I do immediately agree about recognising the black markers that drugs and alcohol have created in my life's journey - and I have started to journalise these to help me reflect how daft I was at the time... One of many for example was taking my wife out to dinner (she loves to wine and dine) and I slipped 4mg of xanax beforehand and whilst I remember ordering and paying for the meal, I struggled to talk coherently and completely let her down. She even went so far as video'ing my state on her phone without me realising. Guess this is a good example of a black marker for sure. Expensive meal plus babysitting costs + xanax and wine equalled a crap experience for someone who was looking forward to it for days beforehand. Hindsight huh??
Interesting what you mention regarding the AA involvement, it may well be something that I need to better understand and play a role in.
Cheers for the reply - and I like your final quote. For me though, the room doesn't spin, it simply goes black.
Sounds like you have had a lot of experience across the years - so thanks for the response. I'm guessing I'll find the pillars that eventually prevent me from going insane in the long run - some of which may well be those you have mentioned.
I do immediately agree about recognising the black markers that drugs and alcohol have created in my life's journey - and I have started to journalise these to help me reflect how daft I was at the time... One of many for example was taking my wife out to dinner (she loves to wine and dine) and I slipped 4mg of xanax beforehand and whilst I remember ordering and paying for the meal, I struggled to talk coherently and completely let her down. She even went so far as video'ing my state on her phone without me realising. Guess this is a good example of a black marker for sure. Expensive meal plus babysitting costs + xanax and wine equalled a crap experience for someone who was looking forward to it for days beforehand. Hindsight huh??
Interesting what you mention regarding the AA involvement, it may well be something that I need to better understand and play a role in.
Cheers for the reply - and I like your final quote. For me though, the room doesn't spin, it simply goes black.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 9
Hi ArcticSA, yep - daddy mode is somewhat off today . That said, gonna hit the park shortly so they'll have a run about and enjoy themselves.
Interesting about being at home and the stress of that. I would have climbed the walls had I had to do that myself - I really don't know how my wife did so so successfully, although by 4pm a glass of wine was generally in her hand (and at about 12pm at the weekends with my influence). Well done for getting off the booze - best of luck for the future, I hope we all help each other enough to stay straight.
Best regards
. That said, gonna hit the park shortly so they'll have a run about and enjoy themselves.Interesting about being at home and the stress of that. I would have climbed the walls had I had to do that myself - I really don't know how my wife did so so successfully, although by 4pm a glass of wine was generally in her hand (and at about 12pm at the weekends with my influence). Well done for getting off the booze - best of luck for the future, I hope we all help each other enough to stay straight.
Best regards
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Originally Posted by Imabuleva 
I am happy I've never dabbled in prescription medication. Alcohol is a big enough nemesis for me. Please stay strong and seek medical attention if you need it, IOnlyAteAValium.
@Imabuleva - IMHO, if you've got any hint of addition in your brain, drugs are simply a no go zone. My experience has told me this for sure. So you're absolutely right, you've a road to travel that involves release from alcohol but that in itself is extremely difficult; hence we're all here right
. Given I'm a newbie personally, I can't give out any advice other than when I did quit (for several weeks initially), it was the best thing I ever did. And the return to alcohol ensured a return to pharmas (for me anyway). I know it is a real battle so good luck and my thoughts are with you.@ArcticSA - all I can say is that I tend to find alcohol easier in the short term (that initial drop helps with the stress / energy boost but then I'm drained and being cut in any way removes my ability to play and interact in the way I want to as a dad). I have no doubt, feeling the way we do from alcohol or any other drug removes us far from our real selves, and kids notice everything. I was seeing my psych once and he told me of a story where he was in therapy and he gave advice to a chap to walk through the door and touch his wife as opposed to going straight to the kids (marriage guidance I'm guessing), on the next trip the guy mentioned that in doing so, his 6 year old out of the blue said, "you love mummy again" - so whilst you and I made the embarrassing choice to drink (and in my case take drugs) around the kids, they most likely notice and feel it in all regards I have no doubt. Stay strong and off the booze - it's got to be the best thing for the kids no doubt...
Now to the park...
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by ArcticSA
Hello. I can relate to you with the kids. I struggle with alcohol addiction and it is so very hard. They don't see me drunk. I hide it. But the day after my "mommy mode" is pitifully decreased.They are 2, 3, and 9. The stress of being home with them all day leads me to drink, but they are my biggest joy in life and I enjoy them sooo much more when I'm sober, so it doesn't make sense.
@Imabuleva - IMHO, if you've got any hint of addition in your brain, drugs are simply a no go zone. My experience has told me this for sure. So you're absolutely right, you've a road to travel that involves release from alcohol but that in itself is extremely difficult; hence we're all here right
. Given I'm a newbie personally, I can't give out any advice other than when I did quit (for several weeks initially), it was the best thing I ever did. And the return to alcohol ensured a return to pharmas (for me anyway). I know it is a real battle so good luck and my thoughts are with you.@ArcticSA - all I can say is that I tend to find alcohol easier in the short term (that initial drop helps with the stress / energy boost but then I'm drained and being cut in any way removes my ability to play and interact in the way I want to as a dad). I have no doubt, feeling the way we do from alcohol or any other drug removes us far from our real selves, and kids notice everything. I was seeing my psych once and he told me of a story where he was in therapy and he gave advice to a chap to walk through the door and touch his wife as opposed to going straight to the kids (marriage guidance I'm guessing), on the next trip the guy mentioned that in doing so, his 6 year old out of the blue said, "you love mummy again" - so whilst you and I made the embarrassing choice to drink (and in my case take drugs) around the kids, they most likely notice and feel it in all regards I have no doubt. Stay strong and off the booze - it's got to be the best thing for the kids no doubt...
Now to the park...
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,747
Originally Posted by IOnlyAteAValium
Hi Murchovski, thanks for the reply. Yes, I couldn't agree more about Xanax - it's a hideous drug - and yet extremely easy to get prescribed - it amazes me (in fact I have a script with 2 repeats in the cupboard - should probably shred those, yet the mind of an addict likes to keep them sitting there in case...). As a drug it only seeks to mask any underlying issues IMHO. Tapering off of them was painful and long.
Sounds like you have had a lot of experience across the years - so thanks for the response. I'm guessing I'll find the pillars that eventually prevent me from going insane in the long run - some of which may well be those you have mentioned.
I do immediately agree about recognising the black markers that drugs and alcohol have created in my life's journey - and I have started to journalise these to help me reflect how daft I was at the time... One of many for example was taking my wife out to dinner (she loves to wine and dine) and I slipped 4mg of xanax beforehand and whilst I remember ordering and paying for the meal, I struggled to talk coherently and completely let her down. She even went so far as video'ing my state on her phone without me realising. Guess this is a good example of a black marker for sure. Expensive meal plus babysitting costs + xanax and wine equalled a crap experience for someone who was looking forward to it for days beforehand. Hindsight huh??
Interesting what you mention regarding the AA involvement, it may well be something that I need to better understand and play a role in.
Cheers for the reply - and I like your final quote. For me though, the room doesn't spin, it simply goes black.
Sounds like you have had a lot of experience across the years - so thanks for the response. I'm guessing I'll find the pillars that eventually prevent me from going insane in the long run - some of which may well be those you have mentioned.
I do immediately agree about recognising the black markers that drugs and alcohol have created in my life's journey - and I have started to journalise these to help me reflect how daft I was at the time... One of many for example was taking my wife out to dinner (she loves to wine and dine) and I slipped 4mg of xanax beforehand and whilst I remember ordering and paying for the meal, I struggled to talk coherently and completely let her down. She even went so far as video'ing my state on her phone without me realising. Guess this is a good example of a black marker for sure. Expensive meal plus babysitting costs + xanax and wine equalled a crap experience for someone who was looking forward to it for days beforehand. Hindsight huh??
Interesting what you mention regarding the AA involvement, it may well be something that I need to better understand and play a role in.
Cheers for the reply - and I like your final quote. For me though, the room doesn't spin, it simply goes black.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by ArcticSA
Hello. I can relate to you with the kids. I struggle with alcohol addiction and it is so very hard. They don't see me drunk. I hide it. But the day after my "mommy mode" is pitifully decreased.They are 2, 3, and 9. The stress of being home with them all day leads me to drink, but they are my biggest joy in life and I enjoy them sooo much more when I'm sober, so it doesn't make sense.
. So really good things come from just reading these posts. Hope you're staying strong. And being new to this, I'm not sure if you'll get this automatically?? Maybe you need to be subscribed to this post but we'll see. Anyways, hope all are well. Another 4 days of significant aches and pains I reckon then long term planning may well be the key.
Keep in touch - I'd like to hear of other success stories and I rather fancy you will be one. rgds.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Originally Posted by IOnlyAteAValium
Hey ArcticSA, how ya doin today? I made it through yesterday (just), now have the aches all over but have resisted the move back to opiates in any way. Was up through the night last night reading some interesting posts about going to the pharmacy just to buy something opposed to trying to fill an script or complaining of back aches to obtain a large packet of Codeine OTC. I was quite inspired so decided to do so to buy something 'normal' which was felt good (not to be in the prescription queue at least . So really good things come from just reading these posts. Hope you're staying strong. And being new to this, I'm not sure if you'll get this automatically?? Maybe you need to be subscribed to this post but we'll see.
Anyways, hope all are well. Another 4 days of significant aches and pains I reckon then long term planning may well be the key.
Keep in touch - I'd like to hear of other success stories and I rather fancy you will be one. rgds.
. So really good things come from just reading these posts. Hope you're staying strong. And being new to this, I'm not sure if you'll get this automatically?? Maybe you need to be subscribed to this post but we'll see. Anyways, hope all are well. Another 4 days of significant aches and pains I reckon then long term planning may well be the key.
Keep in touch - I'd like to hear of other success stories and I rather fancy you will be one. rgds.
Sorry to let you down, but I've not been successful yet. I drank six beers last night. During the week it's not as hard but on Fri. Sat and Sun. evenings I just can't seem to resist. Terrible.
I know I can do it, as I went from Feb. 2nd to June 2nd. completely and totally sober and it was great.
I am ready to start my sober week though! I look forward to it, especially since right now I have that dry-throat-thirsty-wont-go-away-headache- feeling right now.
I am happy to say I have stayed off my beloved Klonopin now for a 2 months. It's too bad because it helped with any anxiety I get when I'm not drinking, but I like it too much and soon I get a tolerance and I just don't need those drugs in my system.
As for right now, I don't know if I'm ready to quit my weekend beers.
So maybe I don't even really belong here?
Glad to hear you are doing well! Really all you have to do is say you have back pains to get Codeine? It is nearly impossible to get them in the town I live in, and I'm kind of glad or it probably would've been an issue with my addictive personality. I have asked for pain pills a few times when I was in VERY bad pain and they said "oh, take some advil" -_- Or they prescribe weak muscle relaxers that do nothing to help the pain.
So that's interesting.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by ArcticSA
Sorry to let you down, but I've not been successful yet. I drank six beers last night. During the week it's not as hard but on Fri. Sat and Sun. evenings I just can't seem to resist. Terrible.
I know I can do it, as I went from Feb. 2nd to June 2nd. completely and totally sober and it was great.
I am ready to start my sober week though! I look forward to it, especially since right now I have that dry-throat-thirsty-wont-go-away-headache- feeling right now.
I am happy to say I have stayed off my beloved Klonopin now for a 2 months. It's too bad because it helped with any anxiety I get when I'm not drinking, but I like it too much and soon I get a tolerance and I just don't need those drugs in my system.
As for right now, I don't know if I'm ready to quit my weekend beers.
So maybe I don't even really belong here?
Glad to hear you are doing well! Really all you have to do is say you have back pains to get Codeine? It is nearly impossible to get them in the town I live in, and I'm kind of glad or it probably would've been an issue with my addictive personality. I have asked for pain pills a few times when I was in VERY bad pain and they said "oh, take some advil" -_- Or they prescribe weak muscle relaxers that do nothing to help the pain.
So that's interesting.
I know I can do it, as I went from Feb. 2nd to June 2nd. completely and totally sober and it was great.
I am ready to start my sober week though! I look forward to it, especially since right now I have that dry-throat-thirsty-wont-go-away-headache- feeling right now.
I am happy to say I have stayed off my beloved Klonopin now for a 2 months. It's too bad because it helped with any anxiety I get when I'm not drinking, but I like it too much and soon I get a tolerance and I just don't need those drugs in my system.
As for right now, I don't know if I'm ready to quit my weekend beers.
So maybe I don't even really belong here?
Glad to hear you are doing well! Really all you have to do is say you have back pains to get Codeine? It is nearly impossible to get them in the town I live in, and I'm kind of glad or it probably would've been an issue with my addictive personality. I have asked for pain pills a few times when I was in VERY bad pain and they said "oh, take some advil" -_- Or they prescribe weak muscle relaxers that do nothing to help the pain.
So that's interesting.
I've never had anxiety issues so can't comment on that - have you had someone to talk to regarding it? Maybe there is something required, just not the black beast that makes you feel so bad. Not back to benzos in my opinion but maybe ssris? Get some Dr advice if not drinking brings on anxiety (although I'm not one to give out advice as I'm relatively new to this journey)...
Best of luck with your sober week, I noticed a great thread on here about things to do at the weekend (the weekend club I think it was) - it might help take your mind off the emptiness when not drinking, I found it useful to read.
Keep in touch and good luck mate. Thinking of you.
ps, and yes - Codeine is freely available here - when you become a drug seeker and bloody good at lying across multiple pharmacies - sad behaviour honestly.
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