Day One
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 5
Day One
Im new to this sight and I had a huge slip yesterday that has almost caused my fiancé and children to walk on me. I'm so terrified. I can't manage to string more than 4 days of sobriety. I went to rehab back in December which I guess was for nothing because I'm still drinking. I sometimes go to AA mtgs but don't have a sponsor or work the steps. My fiancé tells me that I'm just a lost cause and he can't stand the sight of me. Im really desperate and want something to work.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 355
You're not a lost cause! He will probably change his mind as you grow, but in the meantime don't worry about what he thinks. You need to focus on your sobriety. . . . I have found AA invaluable as well as SR. Go to as many meetings as you can, and keep an SR window open. Read and encourage others and you'll find strength in yourself. Commit to being sober for the next 24 hours and take it one day at a time. Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hello and welcome to SR.
You are not a lost cause, no way! I would get myself to a meeting and ask for help. There will be people you can call on when you need to. Would rehab be an option again? Whatever you choose, you will need to be committed to it. Are you ready to stop for good?x
You are not a lost cause, no way! I would get myself to a meeting and ask for help. There will be people you can call on when you need to. Would rehab be an option again? Whatever you choose, you will need to be committed to it. Are you ready to stop for good?x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
Welcome sophie, You are definitely not a lost cause. Everyone here has felt very hopeless at one time or another. When i reached the point where i was absolutely desperate to stop drinking that's when something clicked for me and i started my recovery. There is tons of support and great advice here. Glad you have joined us. 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: fl
Posts: 84
Today is my first day too, Sophie. Woke up to my husband saying "you broke your promise again" and I feel like crap. I have never been on a forum before, but I find reading other people's posts quite comforting. I know I can do it this time and you can too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 5
Thanks Jill23. Congrats to you. I know that next morning feeling is the worst. The guilt, shame, anxiety, and depression is overwhelming. I'm hiding out in my room on the computer because I can't even be in the same room with my fiancé. He is so angry. I keep saying I'm not going to drink again and he's just done with me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 261
The guilt, shame, anxiety and depression are killers, and they are big triggers for relapse. I've been there so many times, but the good thing I can tell you is that it will pass. Hang in there, and don't drink no matter what.
What's done is done. You have to remember that you are responsible for your side of the street. If your fiance is angry, he has every right to be. However, there is nothing you can do to change that right now. One thing that I've learned on mending relationships is that it starts with being sober. I'm sure, like myself, you've worn out your apologies, and they no longer have impact on your loved ones. The best way to say you are sorry is to show them by being sober. One day at a time.
What's done is done. You have to remember that you are responsible for your side of the street. If your fiance is angry, he has every right to be. However, there is nothing you can do to change that right now. One thing that I've learned on mending relationships is that it starts with being sober. I'm sure, like myself, you've worn out your apologies, and they no longer have impact on your loved ones. The best way to say you are sorry is to show them by being sober. One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
nope, not a lost cause. just a sick person.
heres what i'd suggest:
make the decision to get sober for you.
then get to a meeting( not just sometimes)
get a sponsor( not just for sometimes)
and work the steps( not just sometimes)
yer worth it!!
and if yer fiancé is sayin he cant stand the site of ya?? feel free to tell him I said thats just outright cruel and hes a sick man.
heres what i'd suggest:
make the decision to get sober for you.
then get to a meeting( not just sometimes)
get a sponsor( not just for sometimes)
and work the steps( not just sometimes)
yer worth it!!
and if yer fiancé is sayin he cant stand the site of ya?? feel free to tell him I said thats just outright cruel and hes a sick man.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,563
Hi sophie. I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling right now.
I sabotaged myself so many times, but each time I learned something. I was getting closer & closer to finding the courage to stop all together - forever. In my heart I knew I'd never be able to control it, and that each time I picked up it led to danger. In the end it was harder to continue drinking than to give it up and reach out for a brighter day. Recovery1983 is right about the guilt & remorse. It can lead you back to wanting to get numb again - so please don't go down that road. Give yourself a break and let's try this again.
I sabotaged myself so many times, but each time I learned something. I was getting closer & closer to finding the courage to stop all together - forever. In my heart I knew I'd never be able to control it, and that each time I picked up it led to danger. In the end it was harder to continue drinking than to give it up and reach out for a brighter day. Recovery1983 is right about the guilt & remorse. It can lead you back to wanting to get numb again - so please don't go down that road. Give yourself a break and let's try this again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 5
Dee, my plan has to be to gain support here. I also went to a meeting today which did give me some peace of mind. No matter what I know that I can't take that first drink. I have given so much lip service that no one believes anything I say, understandably so. Thanks for everyone's kind words and support.
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