I am appreciating the "costs" revealed by sobriety
Better when never is never
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
I am appreciating the "costs" revealed by sobriety
I’ve been thinking about the different perspectives I’ve had on “recovery” while drinking and staying sober. This has made me think about how important these first weeks and months can be.
While drinking, “recovery” referred to getting over a hangover and returning to “normal”. In my 20s, this took 1 day, edging up to 2 days in my 40s (3 for a bad bender). That was it. Hangover was gone and I was back in the delusion that I was OK again.
With longer sobriety (days and weeks), that is when I get to really notice how much damage I had been doing to myself. Each day brings a new surprise to how my head will feel: light and free, headache, dizzy, fogged, tired, a sense my skull is filling up again (brain rehydrating?), etc. I get to see how my belly feels as the bloat dissipates. I still carry the fat, but it is a remarkably different feeling without the alcoholic bloat. My eyesight changes as things become clearer (some days not so much) and colors become more vivid. The feeling of food being properly digested and nutrients absorbed. Little aches and pains in my joints, either coming or going.
I realize that all of these ‘symptoms’ are signs of my body healing, but from another perspective, they are also signs of just how much damage I had done to my mind and body. It was far, far more than could be healed by the day or 2 it took to get over a hangover. I am finding it useful to maintain this dual perspective on all these new feelings and sensations. Each benefit of sobriety that I experience is also linked to a cost of my previous drinking, a cost I would incur it again if I were to return to drinking. Fortunately, those are costs I am no longer willing to pay.
Can't wait for the emotional stuff to really kick in.
While drinking, “recovery” referred to getting over a hangover and returning to “normal”. In my 20s, this took 1 day, edging up to 2 days in my 40s (3 for a bad bender). That was it. Hangover was gone and I was back in the delusion that I was OK again.
With longer sobriety (days and weeks), that is when I get to really notice how much damage I had been doing to myself. Each day brings a new surprise to how my head will feel: light and free, headache, dizzy, fogged, tired, a sense my skull is filling up again (brain rehydrating?), etc. I get to see how my belly feels as the bloat dissipates. I still carry the fat, but it is a remarkably different feeling without the alcoholic bloat. My eyesight changes as things become clearer (some days not so much) and colors become more vivid. The feeling of food being properly digested and nutrients absorbed. Little aches and pains in my joints, either coming or going.
I realize that all of these ‘symptoms’ are signs of my body healing, but from another perspective, they are also signs of just how much damage I had done to my mind and body. It was far, far more than could be healed by the day or 2 it took to get over a hangover. I am finding it useful to maintain this dual perspective on all these new feelings and sensations. Each benefit of sobriety that I experience is also linked to a cost of my previous drinking, a cost I would incur it again if I were to return to drinking. Fortunately, those are costs I am no longer willing to pay.
Can't wait for the emotional stuff to really kick in.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Great post jazzfish! I drank on weekends and always thought that I was recovered by late Monday, Wednesday at the latest. It wasn't until I had almost a month of sobriety under my belt that I realized this was not the case.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Great post Jazzfish. It really is true that there is an appreciation every day for the gifts of our sobriety yet the real reminder of what we have done to our mind, body, and soul due to our long term addiction. I think long term sobriety for me must be ultimately finding that balance of living peacefully with both types of realities.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Great thoughtful post, jazzfish!
Lots of introspection there....this will be my food for thought of the day.
Tuning into my body, giving it thanks, apologizing for trying to destroy it...
Really great post, THANK YOU! So happy I woke up to this!
Lots of introspection there....this will be my food for thought of the day.
Tuning into my body, giving it thanks, apologizing for trying to destroy it...
Really great post, THANK YOU! So happy I woke up to this!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
In my case for literally decades I managed somehow now and again to have a few days 'off the booze'. After three teeth gnashing days (my usual break) I would feel more or less dried out. The worst of the mental jitters and other symptoms would have subsided and off I would go again until the madness encroached again a couple of months later. It got harder and harder to take those breaks too as time went on and my method of mending how I was feeling was - guess what - to drink more.
Sheesh!
A month tomorrow for me and I am feeling the REAL benefits of not drinking at long last.
Sheesh!
A month tomorrow for me and I am feeling the REAL benefits of not drinking at long last.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: United States - Philadelphia Suburbs
Posts: 51
Thank you for posting Jazzfish.
The physical recovery, you're right, is a great thing in its own right. We can feel the difference, and its often visible to others. One thing I have noticed is that my eyes no longer have dark circles under them.
But the mental part... that's truly amazing. Going from anxious, questioning everyone and everything if there was a little blip in life to.... more confident, more stable, and able to keep things in better perspective?
Priceless.
Keep on the path, and have a great weekend.
The physical recovery, you're right, is a great thing in its own right. We can feel the difference, and its often visible to others. One thing I have noticed is that my eyes no longer have dark circles under them.
But the mental part... that's truly amazing. Going from anxious, questioning everyone and everything if there was a little blip in life to.... more confident, more stable, and able to keep things in better perspective?
Priceless.
Keep on the path, and have a great weekend.
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