Bubblygirl

...this is the first time I've managed this all year. The thing is I feel beyond awful/horrible/aching & depressed. I had such a hard time last night (& I feel guilty since its only a short time) I don't know how I can keep this up, I wish I could see some small light at the end of the tunnel?? I am just angry/irritable and I can't settle until I'm asleep. I can't read (which I love doing) because I can't concentrate on more than a few paragraphs. I bit my nails down to places that I never do! I am just sick of feeling so anxious already. I am sorry to vent this all.
So, I swore last night that I wouldn't do this again today. Now I'm awake of course it's different, I'm not sure I can do it though. I feel weak, then guilty because I have my boys I need to be here for and I get those Q's to myself like 'well, even your kids aren't enough to get & keep you sober?' so the guilt is enormous (if you couldn't tell I've always been told that I am always 'hard on myself' & 'can't take compliments' etc)
My husband says I should be proud of 2 days, I just feel ashamed that it's so hard and I am hard to be around. It shows the hold this has over me.

Rant over, I'm so glad I can come here to read/post so thankyou.

13unluckyforsom

Hey, your doing really well. This week is going to be the hardest but you will get through it.

Please believe in yourself and your husbands right day 2 is fantastic. It's not easy.

Stop feeling guilty because your actively trying to stop and that's all we can do. It's not an easy thing your doing and you should be proud of your achievement so far.

We all know how you feel because we've all been there or are there where u are just now so rant away if it helps. Also read as much as you can here you will realise how much we all have in common. I never thought that other people thought the way I did till I read a lot on here.

Dee74

welcome bubblygirl

feeling depressed guilty and exhausted are all very normal reactions., You're still detoxing at 2 days - it gets better

support helps - have you thought about joining our Class of September club? It's for everyone quitting, or trying to quit, this month

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-5-a-12.html

D

jaynie04

Hi Bubblygirl, it is hard, that is why you should be proud of yourself, and that is why we are all here! Give yourself a huge hug for having the courage to start! What a lot of people don't realize is that the beginning of this journey doesn't start with a huge parade it starts with a tiny choice, a small flicker, a little decision, a hope that somehow life could perhaps be better than the monotony of waking up feeling horrible every day.

Hang on....because I promise you, as much as the it get tempting to cave at the end of the day, nothing feels as good as waking up knowing you took care of yourself. The first week is the toughest. If it was easy we wouldn't need forums like this....you go girl, you are worth it! !

Chrysalis7

You should be proud! The first steps are the hardest but most important. The fact that you thought to come here and get it all out shows tremendous will. It is overcoming the toughest times that make us strong enough to keep going.

Bird615

Welcome Bubblygirl!
As long as you don't pick up that first drink, it will get better!

HonestlyTrying

Two days turns into three days. Three will turn into four. You can do it. I remember my first two days, I wondered why it was SO HARD? I was climbing the walls and couldn't concentrate on anything! I white knuckled it for the 1st two days on my own. The 3rd day I was so desperate to not break down that I called a treatment center and checked myself in to outpatient! Best thing I ever did! I couldn't do it alone.
If you find yourself struggling to do it alone, call AA or NA or a treatment center, or a hotline and ask for someone to help. I cried like a baby doing this, but I have been sober now for a year. I could not do it alone, and I always thought I was tough enough to do anything!