patricia68

I made a mistake. I had a bad day yesterday and today, and instead of coming here for help I went to the liquor store. And guess what? After a bottle of wine I had a fight with my husband, I yelled at my little boy, I even yelled at the cats, and now I feel the waves of panic and anxiety again.

I really want to sit and cry and feel sorry for myself, but it won't solve anything. I am trying to figure out what triggered this slip. I think I need some Me time, to have some fun doing something I enjoy (like a hobby or a good book). I've been trying to be the perfect wife, and the perfect mom all week long...and there was no energy left for me. I am really struggling to organize my time so it won't be all work and no fun.

Also I need to learn to relax, especially before bedtime. I had a couple of bad nights of sleep and of course my addictive thinking kept telling me "See? You still can't have a good night of sleep even sober! The wine wasn't the problem!"...stupid addictive voice.

I really hope I can find the strength to go back to day 1 tomorrow. I am very scared and ashamed right now.

foolsgold66

Good for you for coming straight back and going for Day 1 tomorrow.

Sounds like you were tired and angry.

Never try to be the 'perfect' anything. There is no perfect. Just be better than you were when drinking. It will come quite naturally if you just let it.

Take care of yourself first so that you can take care of others.

patricia68

You are right, you reminded me of this family of feral cats I used to feed in my old house. The mom would eat and drink water first, and then she would bring the babies to get the rest of the food. At first I was horrified thinking she was so selfish! Then I realized she was taking care of herself first so she could take care of the babies.

kadidee

Hi Patricia. You have great insight into what triggered the wine-buying and you came right back to SR. You absolutely have the strength in you to get back to day 1 tomorrow. I had a hard time sleeping too when I first started because I wasn't knocked out from all the wine. Do you have a favorite bath soak? I love lavender epsom salts.

robgt350

patricia,
hay to me there is nothing wrong with doing day 1 all over again. to me what would be wrong would be not wanting to do day one. you sound like a great wife, and mother. you can do it. i had many day 1s. i think most people had more than one day 1.

Dee74

The important thing is you're back

Bad day happen - the trick is to learn to deal with them in different, healthier, ways, I think

Do you have any ideas on how you might do that, Patricia?

D

patricia68

Meditation helps, also spending some time reading or painting. My biggest problem is to learn how to make better use of my time...I haven't figure that out yet

bridgeeboo2006

Good luck today. Starting day 6..scared and ashamed is what I had been feeling a lot. Scared to b sober ..ashamed I cudnt handle the drink. Now I'm feeling a little proud of what I'm doing. I know it's early though. Definitely not sleeping great..and haven't figured out what new interests will keep me occupied either. I'm pushing for u and will b thinking of u all day. I had a pact yesterday that helped me get. If u'll do it today..I will. It makes me accountable to someone else. I wudnt just let myself down ..I'd let u down. It's just as much about me as it is u...and we know we're all in this together.

ImperfectlyMe

Good job on coming right back
Secondly (and I say this with kindness) STOP TRYING to be PERFECT! Guess what we are moms and wives but we are human. Being a mom can be truly exhausting. When I first got sober I was trying to be the perfect mom. Reading every night for hours with the kids taking them anywhere they wanted to go giving them every waking second if my time. But I was drowning inside, I was newly sober and over compensating fir time lost.

Cut yourself a break and truly be good to you. Because if you've done nothing else for your husband and kids today..... Being a sober momma can be enough!

bridgeeboo2006

There's a line from P.S. I love you...Kathy Bates says it. Something about even if we are all alone in this world ..then we're together in that too. So we're never really alone.