Wedding tomorrow.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: London
Posts: 259
Wedding tomorrow.
Well its our best friends wedding tomorrow and I cant say im in the least bit excited. Its day 36 I think and I am totally and utterly miserable at the fact that I will not be able to have the same fun as all my friends. I will no doubt be sitting the whole evening and wishing the hours away. Everyone will be getting drunk around me and I will be just bored senseless. And I know full well I will have to deal with my drunken Wife and various others, its a dead certainty. I really ****** hate this sobriety business at times like this. I am just simply not interested in doing ANYTHING whatsoever. I just sit around feeling nothing half the time. I'm in agony with this right now and just cant imagine my life like this as I fear I will never have the excitement or enthusiasm, or care for anything ever again. Man this sucks right now!!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
You may not be having the "fun" your friends are having, but neither will you have their hangover the next day.
There is life after drinking, but we have to find it or make it. It doesn't just appear out of nowhere.
There is life after drinking, but we have to find it or make it. It doesn't just appear out of nowhere.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Today so far has been a great day for me mentally. I am actually taking great pleasure in household chores and doing stuff for my family and feeling good that its not just all about me and how i'm feeling. The drinking days seem so selfish to me now when I look at them and I just couldn't see that I was leaving everything that needs doing to my poor wife who was suffering in her own personal hell with the fact that she wanted me to stop drinking so much and in her mind it was starting to look like it would never happen and the poor women just got on with it. How UNFAIR! was that. I had no idea until now the extent and misery that my drinking caused to the running of everyday life and how those things can break a marriage. Such small things like never doing the dishes etc after a long long time do have an impact on the person having to do everything, while the drunk person just sits and drinks all the time. I feel ashamed of my selfish past and I also feel extremely proud that im sitting here on day 34!! writing this post.
Sober life is gradually showing and teaching me things about myself that I had once known but had forgotten for over 15 years. My life feels like its starting to become a life again. I never thought it ever would. There's hope for us all.
your above post and this one, which is the real you and which is pure AV?
Sober life is gradually showing and teaching me things about myself that I had once known but had forgotten for over 15 years. My life feels like its starting to become a life again. I never thought it ever would. There's hope for us all.
your above post and this one, which is the real you and which is pure AV?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,443
Hi RJ,
I found in my early months that I had a much harder time resisting the drink when my mind was all about 'sucks to be me!'
And while it does suck that I cannot drink like 'normal' folks anymore, I am grateful to be alive and I cannot drink and still be alive in my world.
I wish I could offer more advice on how to get through, but I resisted all alcohol fueled functions in my first years.
Just look at the drunk folks and think, 'sucks to be them'.
I found in my early months that I had a much harder time resisting the drink when my mind was all about 'sucks to be me!'
And while it does suck that I cannot drink like 'normal' folks anymore, I am grateful to be alive and I cannot drink and still be alive in my world.
I wish I could offer more advice on how to get through, but I resisted all alcohol fueled functions in my first years.
Just look at the drunk folks and think, 'sucks to be them'.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by RJY9 
I really ****** hate this sobriety business at times like this. I am just simply not interested in doing ANYTHING whatsoever. I just sit around feeling nothing half the time. I'm in agony with this right now and just cant imagine my life like this as I fear I will never have the excitement or enthusiasm, or care for anything ever again. Man this sucks right now!!
I will offer the same advice to you that I offer anyone who doesn't take the advice to not go at all...Do the wedding, skip the reception.
And if your friends are taking a head count to see who's there and who's not, maybe it's time to tell them of your struggle with alcohol.
Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: London
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
If you put yourself within range of alcohol with this attitude, you very well might yield to the cravings.
I will offer the same advice to you that I offer anyone who doesn't take the advice to not go at all...Do the wedding, skip the reception.
And if your friends are taking a head count to see who's there and who's not, maybe it's time to tell them of your struggle with alcohol.
Good luck.
I will offer the same advice to you that I offer anyone who doesn't take the advice to not go at all...Do the wedding, skip the reception.
And if your friends are taking a head count to see who's there and who's not, maybe it's time to tell them of your struggle with alcohol.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
It does not have to be the a terrible experience. Having alcohol in your system does not equate to having fun. Dance, talk, eat, be present. Not everyone at this Wedding will be drinking. I think you could turn this into a positive. You will be feeling great the next day and will have survived a Wedding.
Nothing Left to do but Smile.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 808
I have been to a couple parties where everyone was drinking since I got myself sober. Not everyone drinks at these events first of all. You might be surprised. Secondly, once the people started to get drunk I had a pretty good time. Mostly because everyone was loosened up a bit and would come up to me and start talking. So, I didn't feel like some kind of outcast. I have found that a key to my sobriety was working on myself in some way. Sort of building myself up. I play guitar and run. Those hobbies have given me many commonalities that I can feel comfortable talking to other people about when at parties. Before quitting, it was about getting trashed and then blathering on about something that I wouldn't even remember the next day. It seems like every wedding I made plans for the next day with someone (Always early for whatever reason) and then either didn't follow through or I did it and felt like garbage.
I realize it is day 36 for you, so it will be hard. You will get better at social situations as you get more experience being at them without booze.
I realize it is day 36 for you, so it will be hard. You will get better at social situations as you get more experience being at them without booze.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Are you staying over in a hotel? is the wedding in the hotel. If so, escape to your room.
I had this on Christmas daywhen I was 17 days sober. Everyone around me was drinking,even those who didn't normally drink
I thought was bored but Igot through it,breaking it down into hours and tried to enjoy myself. I realize now it wasn't boredom it was just that I had no idea how to enjoy things sober.I've learnt how to do that over the last few months,as you will do too.
If you drink you won't wake up in the morning being glad you did.,you'll wake up feeling anger,hatred,regret,fear,shame plus have a dreadful hangover.Itreally isn't worth it. No one ever woke thankful they got pished the night before
I've every faith that you can do this sober.Keep SR in your pocket
I had this on Christmas daywhen I was 17 days sober. Everyone around me was drinking,even those who didn't normally drink
I thought was bored but Igot through it,breaking it down into hours and tried to enjoy myself. I realize now it wasn't boredom it was just that I had no idea how to enjoy things sober.I've learnt how to do that over the last few months,as you will do too.If you drink you won't wake up in the morning being glad you did.,you'll wake up feeling anger,hatred,regret,fear,shame plus have a dreadful hangover.Itreally isn't worth it. No one ever woke thankful they got pished the night before
I've every faith that you can do this sober.Keep SR in your pocket
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
There are plenty of things to do at weddings that don't involve drinking. Only an alcoholic assumes that drinking is required to have fun. I've been to a couple since I quit totally, and believe it or not there are a good number of people who don't drink and sit and actually talk with each other, dance, sing, and do lots and lots of fun stuff without ever touching a drop.
I'd also agree with Carl though, if you don't think you can do it without drinking, just go to the wedding ceremony and skip the reception. Or maybe just do the dinner at the reception and head out afterwards.
I'd also agree with Carl though, if you don't think you can do it without drinking, just go to the wedding ceremony and skip the reception. Or maybe just do the dinner at the reception and head out afterwards.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
RJ, consider this my boo boo face pep talk. You know how I know the boo boo face? Because I do it too. In fact, I have a little one going on right now. My birthday is Saturday and next Tuesday I am 4 months sober. I'm going out to eat with my husband's sisters after work and his cousin who will all be drinking copious amounts of wine. So right now I have a little boo boo face but drinking is NOT an option so therefore I have played my tape. I drink, I get stupid, I continue to drink, tomorrow morning I will call into work feigning that I ate something that didn't agree with me and I lose almost 4 months of sobriety. NOT HAPPENING!
If you listen to my pep talk and follow through what I promise you will happen will come true. Remember, it's a promise.
When you get to that reception the boo boo face is going to be the worst for the first hour or so. When everyone is running to the bar. Get yourself something to hold as a drink AT ALL TIMES. Non alcoholic of course. A seltzer with a slice of lime and maraschino cherry and a swizzle stick or whatever you choose. Refill that and keep that in your hand the entire time. Or even make it a coke or something. Whatever you need to hold. Then, settle in. The first hour when everyone is doing their thing that's the hardest part. Then, slowly but surely, observe. You'll find that some people don't really drink as much as you might have thought that they did. Others will and you know full well what their next day is going to be like. There does really come a point in the evening, it varies for me, when you realize that you can do this. That you actually can have a good time and laugh and it's real. It's not fake and alcohol induced. The best part is when you know that things are winding down. You are the same person that you were at the beginning of the night. You will also look at some people and be thankful that you don't have their head the next morning.
When you wake up the next morning you are going to be relieved and thankful. You won't have any regrets about the prior evening and you will know of many who do. You'll also feel victorious. I promise.
You CAN do this RJ, you really can. It's not that it will be easy but it will be rewarding. That and if you think you're going to give in this image will be implanted in your head and will make you laugh
So put away the boo boo face for now. Be honest that yes, it will suck, a little. However, you will live through it and when the next morning comes you'll be thankful. You just have to get there to see it.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!
If you listen to my pep talk and follow through what I promise you will happen will come true. Remember, it's a promise.
When you get to that reception the boo boo face is going to be the worst for the first hour or so. When everyone is running to the bar. Get yourself something to hold as a drink AT ALL TIMES. Non alcoholic of course. A seltzer with a slice of lime and maraschino cherry and a swizzle stick or whatever you choose. Refill that and keep that in your hand the entire time. Or even make it a coke or something. Whatever you need to hold. Then, settle in. The first hour when everyone is doing their thing that's the hardest part. Then, slowly but surely, observe. You'll find that some people don't really drink as much as you might have thought that they did. Others will and you know full well what their next day is going to be like. There does really come a point in the evening, it varies for me, when you realize that you can do this. That you actually can have a good time and laugh and it's real. It's not fake and alcohol induced. The best part is when you know that things are winding down. You are the same person that you were at the beginning of the night. You will also look at some people and be thankful that you don't have their head the next morning.
When you wake up the next morning you are going to be relieved and thankful. You won't have any regrets about the prior evening and you will know of many who do. You'll also feel victorious. I promise.
You CAN do this RJ, you really can. It's not that it will be easy but it will be rewarding. That and if you think you're going to give in this image will be implanted in your head and will make you laugh
So put away the boo boo face for now. Be honest that yes, it will suck, a little. However, you will live through it and when the next morning comes you'll be thankful. You just have to get there to see it.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: London
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
RJ, consider this my boo boo face pep talk. You know how I know the boo boo face? Because I do it too. In fact, I have a little one going on right now. My birthday is Saturday and next Tuesday I am 4 months sober. I'm going out to eat with my husband's sisters after work and his cousin who will all be drinking copious amounts of wine. So right now I have a little boo boo face but drinking is NOT an option so therefore I have played my tape. I drink, I get stupid, I continue to drink, tomorrow morning I will call into work feigning that I ate something that didn't agree with me and I lose almost 4 months of sobriety. NOT HAPPENING!
If you listen to my pep talk and follow through what I promise you will happen will come true. Remember, it's a promise.
When you get to that reception the boo boo face is going to be the worst for the first hour or so. When everyone is running to the bar. Get yourself something to hold as a drink AT ALL TIMES. Non alcoholic of course. A seltzer with a slice of lime and maraschino cherry and a swizzle stick or whatever you choose. Refill that and keep that in your hand the entire time. Or even make it a coke or something. Whatever you need to hold. Then, settle in. The first hour when everyone is doing their thing that's the hardest part. Then, slowly but surely, observe. You'll find that some people don't really drink as much as you might have thought that they did. Others will and you know full well what their next day is going to be like. There does really come a point in the evening, it varies for me, when you realize that you can do this. That you actually can have a good time and laugh and it's real. It's not fake and alcohol induced. The best part is when you know that things are winding down. You are the same person that you were at the beginning of the night. You will also look at some people and be thankful that you don't have their head the next morning.
When you wake up the next morning you are going to be relieved and thankful. You won't have any regrets about the prior evening and you will know of many who do. You'll also feel victorious. I promise.
You CAN do this RJ, you really can. It's not that it will be easy but it will be rewarding. That and if you think you're going to give in this image will be implanted in your head and will make you laugh
So put away the boo boo face for now. Be honest that yes, it will suck, a little. However, you will live through it and when the next morning comes you'll be thankful. You just have to get there to see it.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!
If you listen to my pep talk and follow through what I promise you will happen will come true. Remember, it's a promise.
When you get to that reception the boo boo face is going to be the worst for the first hour or so. When everyone is running to the bar. Get yourself something to hold as a drink AT ALL TIMES. Non alcoholic of course. A seltzer with a slice of lime and maraschino cherry and a swizzle stick or whatever you choose. Refill that and keep that in your hand the entire time. Or even make it a coke or something. Whatever you need to hold. Then, settle in. The first hour when everyone is doing their thing that's the hardest part. Then, slowly but surely, observe. You'll find that some people don't really drink as much as you might have thought that they did. Others will and you know full well what their next day is going to be like. There does really come a point in the evening, it varies for me, when you realize that you can do this. That you actually can have a good time and laugh and it's real. It's not fake and alcohol induced. The best part is when you know that things are winding down. You are the same person that you were at the beginning of the night. You will also look at some people and be thankful that you don't have their head the next morning.
When you wake up the next morning you are going to be relieved and thankful. You won't have any regrets about the prior evening and you will know of many who do. You'll also feel victorious. I promise.
You CAN do this RJ, you really can. It's not that it will be easy but it will be rewarding. That and if you think you're going to give in this image will be implanted in your head and will make you laugh
So put away the boo boo face for now. Be honest that yes, it will suck, a little. However, you will live through it and when the next morning comes you'll be thankful. You just have to get there to see it.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!
)
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by RJY9
Some great advice right here. Thanks so much LadyBlue I wil remember that silly face lol I can do this I know I can. Big test tomorrow then I guess! )
)Remember, this will be following you!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I am totally and utterly miserable at the fact that I will not be able to have the same fun as all my friends.
You're already convincing yourself you'll have a crap time, sober. It doesn't take a genius to discern addictive thoughts at work.
The fact is - you can have as much fun as your friends - but honestly, you probably won't if you walk in there with a face like a slapped butt.
If you feel resentful tomorrow, I'd cut things short - the only really indispensable people at a wedding a the bride and groom.
go back to your room or whatever - call someone, get on SR, do whatever you usually do when you feel vulnerable or upset.
I have a lot of fun in my life - more fun, if I'm honest, that I used to when I drank..but I had to accept what I was and what was good for me first tho.
If you're not at that point of acceptance yet, it's really best, vital even, to respect that and take precautions.
Have a strategy for the event, including an escape plan.
D
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
I went on a vacation my first week sober, and I was sure it would suck. To be honest it did suck, at first, I think mostly because I 'knew' it would. But looking back on that week it didn't suck at all, mostly because I didn't decide to give in my AV. I made a decision and started a course of action that wasn't worth bailing on for momentary pleasure, so glad I didn't.
Just remember the little(or big) voice trying to talk you into one more night's pleasure won't be there Sunday morning to say "sorry" . A few hours isn't worth giving up all you worked for and deserve this month(more!). You got this and Lady's right the sucking will be done at least an hour in, just remember no matter what real men don't dance at weddings(unless our wives make us , of course).
Good Luck and have a fantastic breakfast Sunday morning!
Just remember the little(or big) voice trying to talk you into one more night's pleasure won't be there Sunday morning to say "sorry" . A few hours isn't worth giving up all you worked for and deserve this month(more!). You got this and Lady's right the sucking will be done at least an hour in, just remember no matter what real men don't dance at weddings(unless our wives make us , of course).
Good Luck and have a fantastic breakfast Sunday morning!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
Dear RJY, congratulations on your sobertime. It's early days. Sobriety gets easier. Your body gets used to no alcohol. You will regain energy and enthusiasm. Stick with it. It gets better. Try viewing the wedding from the point of view, that you are getting well. You won't be sick that nite from the alcohol. You won't do anything to embarrass yourself. You will have no regrets the next day. Sobriety is the reward. Keep going dear.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi RJY. Sorry you are having a bad time anticipating the wedding.
I think by discussing it here in advance you've done yourself a huge favor. So much good advice and helpful, funny comments. Maybe your misery will be lessened - or you won't be down at all & you'll surprise yourself by actually enjoying it. You can do the superior dance when everyone else is wasted and you're above-it-all. I've been through these times too, and never felt as out of place as I imagined I would. Then when you make it through you'll feel encouraged and stronger than ever.
I think by discussing it here in advance you've done yourself a huge favor. So much good advice and helpful, funny comments. Maybe your misery will be lessened - or you won't be down at all & you'll surprise yourself by actually enjoying it. You can do the superior dance when everyone else is wasted and you're above-it-all. I've been through these times too, and never felt as out of place as I imagined I would. Then when you make it through you'll feel encouraged and stronger than ever.
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