bridgeeboo2006

I am just starting my journey to sobriety .
what kind of support is fair to ask of my
Boyfriend? He wants me to get help and
Says I need to but then he isn't sure he can
Be here for me. He says he wants a normal
life and I think that means w a partner he can drink
With. He has a wine collection and likes drinking. He
doesn't have the problem. What is fair to ask of him?

AlefVavResh

This is a tough spot, bridgeeboo. I've heard this story quite a lot on SR. The alcoholic knows there is no such thing as "just one glass", but the significant other wants her to "just control her drinking".

I tried to moderate for years and it always ends up in a disaster. A real, ugly disaster where I end up hating myself. It just doesn't work. Try starting a "I'm going to moderate thread" and we all will come out of the woodwork to plead with you.

Here are some old "moderation threads"

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-moderate.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-possible.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...d-stay-sr.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...bstinence.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...se_______.html

bridgeeboo2006

Moderation isn't an option for me. Tried and failed. But what is fair to ask of him? Not fair to ask him to give up something he enjoys when its not his problem ...right???

least

There are people here who are in recovery and have partners who still drink. It might make it a bit harder to do but it's still possible. Do this for yourself. If he doesn't have a problem that's fine for him, but get sober for yourself.

AlefVavResh

Agreed. But you *can* ask him to support your decision to not drink at all. Then the question is do you have an additional support group to help you when there is alcohol in the house and you're feeling weak?

firstymer

I worried about this same thing, Bridgee. I was surprised and relieved to learn that my girlfriend likes the "sober me" more than she misses the drinking partner. You might be surprised too. Good luck.

bridgeeboo2006

Additionally hard because he is my best friend and gives me a lot of strength ..but he's not always available because of his work. Thankful I found this forum. Starting counseling with an addiction specialist /psychologist. Eventually I'll get to AA ..but have to admit a little scared of that. Been to meetings before and never felt a connection ..commonground.. perhaps I am more open to it now?

advbike

I couldn't quit if I lived with someone who drank. When my ex gf (who drinks a bit too much herself) wants me to visit I set a limit. She can have one beer a night, not in front of me, and no wine. I don't like the mood shift she gets, nor smelling it on her. She is OK with it and is a pleasure to be around. We are still friends. Then when I leave she goes back to her nightly 2 glasses of wine and nasty temperament.

If I lived with someone who obviously enjoys his wine like your partner, and I wanted to quit, I would have to move out, simple as that. I just can't be around it. Just like an asthmatic and a smoker. It's a disease. On the other hand, I don't think you can ask him to quit, it's his choice.

lommey

bridgeeboo you know what you need to do for you . Ihope your b helps