Just thoughts
Sober since September 7, 2013
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Alabama
Posts: 16
Just thoughts
The many many thoughts of the things I have done while under the influence were not always the best or happiest things. I know I have hurt may people and I did it over and over again. The sad thing is these were the people that wanted to help me and the people that still stand by me today (I don't know how they do because I wouldn't). I have done things I wish to forget, but can't. Said things I wish to take back, but can't. Angered people I wish to make happy, but couldn't. Now with all those can'ts that I can't change there is a "I couldn't" But now I Can! I pray I can make all those people happy that I once made mad. I know they have forgiven me because hey are here. But I am not so easily forgiven of myself. My head hurts and nights are restless. I have had moe dreams in the past 8 days than I have had in a long time. Today is 11 days and I pray my guilt for the pain I have caused does not get the best of me. The devil needs to let go of my leg! 
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,529
Hi Aiden. I'm sorry you're feeling down, but glad you wanted to discuss it.
It was the guilt and remorse that almost caused me to relapse a few times. I'd been a real jerk for a few years and didn't even remember some of the things that happened. I finally convinced myself that drunken fool wasn't the real me - and I decided to give myself a break. I knew I couldn't change anything, but I figured my new behavior would eventually overshadow the old stuff - and people wouldn't hold things against me once they learned to trust & believe in me again. Please don't sabotage yourself with negative thoughts. You're doing the right thing now, and that's what matters. Better days are coming.
It was the guilt and remorse that almost caused me to relapse a few times. I'd been a real jerk for a few years and didn't even remember some of the things that happened. I finally convinced myself that drunken fool wasn't the real me - and I decided to give myself a break. I knew I couldn't change anything, but I figured my new behavior would eventually overshadow the old stuff - and people wouldn't hold things against me once they learned to trust & believe in me again. Please don't sabotage yourself with negative thoughts. You're doing the right thing now, and that's what matters. Better days are coming.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,009
Hey Aiden
Dont let the bad feelings get to you ! It will spiral into drinking again.
The way I think about it is that by staying sober, I have a chance to make good with all the people I have hurt and I can be of service to them and my community. I cant do that if I am drinking.
C'mon buddy, hang in there ! You are so worth it !
Dont let the bad feelings get to you ! It will spiral into drinking again.
The way I think about it is that by staying sober, I have a chance to make good with all the people I have hurt and I can be of service to them and my community. I cant do that if I am drinking.
C'mon buddy, hang in there ! You are so worth it !
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Southern U.S.
Posts: 1,030
Hi Aiden, congratulations on 11 days! I figure that I've done so much messing up in the last few years that I'm not going to be able to fix it all right away. But the longer I stay sober (31 days today), the more time I put between myself and the shame and embarrassment, and the more clear-headed I'll be to deal with those things in time. One good thing about not drinking these days is that at least I'm not making it worse or creating new dramas to obsess about!
You're doing great. Try not to focus on all that bad stuff right now. Each day we don't drink is a chance to make better choices and create new memories.
You're doing great. Try not to focus on all that bad stuff right now. Each day we don't drink is a chance to make better choices and create new memories.
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Originally Posted by Aiden1226 
I pray I can make all those people happy that I once made mad.:
Rooting for you!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ontario
Posts: 392
You are doing great Aiden! You've only just begun your journey to a healthier and happier life. It is okay to just focus on maintaining your sobriety for now. When you are well enough you will have the opportunity to make amends to those you have hurt due to your drinking. For now, give yourself permission to just be, you are recovering from a life threatening illness!
Sober since September 7, 2013
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Alabama
Posts: 16
Thank you all
Thank you everyone for all the positive responses. It is niceand heart felt to feel the honest enouragement from people. It helps so very much! Thanks and bless you!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Aiden, I had a lot of trouble with shame and guilt in the early days too. It was really awful.
Finally, someone encouraged me to journal my thoughts and I did. I was reluctant at first, but it really helped.
Finally, someone encouraged me to journal my thoughts and I did. I was reluctant at first, but it really helped.
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