misspond

Something that has only just "clicked" in my head today whilst reading here is a proper understanding of how folks come and post, relapse, come back and post and get welcomed back and encouraged on, sometimes over and over again.... it's because it's a hard and arduous road, until you reach the cross-roads that offers you a couple more choices.

If I go one way I can continue to think that I might be able to moderate. That'll be my AV setting me up.

Another direction might take me to a place where I listen to my AV and think, "Ah, what's the point? Why shouldn't I have a drink?"

Yet another direction might be to choose a new DOC and let my AV grab my soul in a new and dreadful way.

And then I might take a walk down the road of never drinking and never changing my mind. This SHOULD be the road I walk down. But if I don't? If I choose one of the other roads? Then the others here at SR will welcome me back with the knowledge that I hadn't understood yet.

And those people won't be doing that because they are foolishly tied to being kind (in fact a great many will call me, and anyone else who walks the wrong road, out and take me to task), but because they understand that I am still tied to my AV, to my addiction, to my deep pleasure.

And that I have to let go.

freshstart57

Wow! That is an awesome understanding, MissP. Congratulations to you on your arrival at this understanding. You are setting yourself up for success, it's clear.

You have choices, and the choices are yours to make.

Does your understanding change if you realize that 'This can be the road I walk down' instead? This is something you can do, the ability is within you. You can say goodbye and good riddance to this. For good.

misspond

Yes it does Freshstart. Even to the point of, "This is the road I will walk now."

I think an even bigger "click" was in understanding why everyone here at SR continues to support those of us who listen to the AV and go back to the DOC when we claim to be trying so hard not to. Yes, there are times when people are questioned more sternly about what plans they are making to create changes for themselves, but there was a point last week where I was getting tired about how many times people fail and come back only to be greeted by "Welcome! Now try again!" This had happened before - I joined here in March, did pretty well and then gave in to my AV because my AV told me to ignore all of the support here, that it was pointless. I wasn't in control of my AV then.

Those who have achieved it, or who are working hard to achieve it, or who are trying so very hard to achieve are all here to support everyone else. Whether or not those supportive people prescribe to the idea of the AV they welcome back and support everyone none-the-less. And that is the most awesome thing about this forum and the people that inhabit it, and that was the bigger "click" for me x

dwtbd

I'm here a lot. Long enough to see some of what you are talking about. I credit this site for pointing me to RR and AVRT , reading about it changed everything for me, would not have been able to end my addiction without it, absolutely no question.
It was on my first day here, don't remember exactly what caught my attention, either a post or just clicking around and seeing it mentioned. If somehow something I post or point someone to, can bring it to their attention I feel I can in some way payback some kind of 'cosmic debt'.

FT

Very nicely said, Misspond.

Ornithology

misspond, thank you for your beautiful post at the top of this thread. I just finished reading Rational Recovery this evening in the hotel and your post is a beautiful prologue to the book.

Received

Great stuff, misspond. Thanks for posting about it.

I had that "click" or mind shift the night I joined here. Woke up the next morning with the full realization, I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.