Br00ksie

A guy I have history with just moved to my city. We haven't dated in years, but have always kept in touch in spite of the distance. Pretty much every time we hung out we would smoke and get drunk together. Now that he is here, he wants to see me. Twice now he has told me that we need to "get drunk together." The first time (which was Saturday), I told him that I wasn't feeling alcohol or weed, and that I was taking a break (I didn't feel like elaborating on the fact that I am an alcoholic and going to meetings every day). He replied by saying that he would respect that, but that weed was natural.

In all honesty, I have more of a weed problem than a drinking problem. although the two went hand in hand, I smoked waaaay more than I drank. No nasty alcohol hangover symptoms? Ummm, yes please!!! Anyway, he brought up weed and alcohol AGAIN today. I responded by telling him that weed is the reason I gained 30 pounds in a year, and the reason my house was a mess for 9 months. He said he didn't like to hear things like that. I told him that I had an addictive personality and that I had become addicted to weed, that I was in a really good place right now, and that I needed him to respect that. My gut tells me that he doesn't.

Part of me wants to hang out with him to test this theory, but at what cost? I can handle being around both on occasion without feeling the need to partake, but I don't think I can handle someone trying to pour booze down my throat and shove a blunt in my mouth. I am only 5 days sober! I really like him, but I am afraid I have outgrown him. Thoughts/feedback?

Sobersunshine

Stay away!!! You can always see him later when you have more recovery under your belt and when, maybe, he will see that you are serious about sobriety. If he is a true friend, he'll respect that. If not.. Well...you may not be able to ever hang out with him. But I'd say 5 days is too soon to go testing any theories. I missed several social occasions in early sobriety. It pained me but I had to put my sobriety first. I still avoid a lot of drinking events, which is too bad, but at the end of the day, I'm sober and happy.
Congratulations on your new sobriety!

Anna

Trust your gut!

If he wants to see you, meet him in a coffee shop or somewhere neutral. If he wants to see you, then he will compromise. If he wants to drink and drug, then he's not the guy for you.

least

That's a hard situation to be in. You may have outgrown the relationship with this guy and will have to put it on hold indefinitely. I don't think he's much of a friend tho, for always shoving it in your face and undermining your sobriety. Friends don't do stuff like that.

dwtbd

I think you have the right thoughts , it's probably too early there sounds like some temptation with a built in excuse , that specific guy and so forth, good on the trepidation it seems warranted.

phoebe64

I really think you answered your own questions at the end of your post.

"but I don't think I can handle someone trying to pour booze down my throat and shove a blunt in my mouth. I am only 5 days sober! I really like him, but I am afraid I have outgrown him."

CobiaOne

Surround yourself with positive people.

longbeachone

If he's a friend, if you care for him and he cares for you, stop lying. You're an alcoholic and an addict. This won't change. How long are you planning on carrying this charade out? The longer you go, the harder it will be. Just yank off the band aid, pull out the tooth, shut your eyes, hold your breath and jump. As my husband would say "You've got to put the turd on the plate" (eloquently put, don't you think?). I like this saying because its an honest way to say "It may be a big smelly mess, but I'm putting it right out in the open".

Br00ksie

I am afraid that disclosing too soon will scare someone away. Also, I am ashamed to admit that I am an addict\alcoholic to people I don't trust, and apparently, I don't trust him.

Twofish

Hi Brooksie, Please don't tempt temptation. I'm proud of your gut feelings. Your sobriety is so young. I agree with Anna, meet somewhere neutral, if you must meet so soon. And as far as what LBO said, I almost dropped my iPad, I love how she tells it like it is, a wise lady indeed! Sleep well tonight! Hugs! TF

FeenixxRising

IMO you should skip meeting up with him at this point. You're only five days sober; even the strongest of us would have a tough time, particularly when the relationship seems to be solely based on drinking and getting high.

Also, do the two of you have any other common interests? If so, why not meet for coffee, or lunch or dinner? And if the relationship is mostly based on drinking and smoking do you really want to continue it?

Anyway, that's my opinion. Hope it helps.

longbeachone

I respect your honesty. However it begs the question: If you don't trust him, why do you care if you scare him away?

Br00ksie

Thank you all for your feedback. It has been extremely helpful, and has allowed me to respond to him by saying this:

Eleni58

Well done, Brooksie! At 54 days, I still can't be around drunks or people that get high. I smoked pot too while drinking, but I drank more than I smoked. Just because I didn't smoke too much pot or was addicted to it didn't mean that I could still smoke it after quitting drinking. To me, absolute sobriety means just that = not putting ANY mind altering substances into my system.

Keep fighting the good fight and kudos to you for sticking to your guns!

pinkdog

Hi Brooksie, welcome. It doesn't sound like he respects it. For me, sobriety is #1. Don't let anyone mess you up. Stick around. This is a great place. Well done on quitting.

Br00ksie

This place is AMAZING! A loving, honest space that I can carry around with me wherever I go. Support in my pocket! It doesn't get much better than that!

deeker

Glad u r here Br00ksie! Gotta put you first.

EndGameNYC

The shortest distance between hanging out and having sex is a straight line laced with weed and booze.

I don't entirely appreciate the conflict here, and I'm willing to consider that gender differences are at work. If a woman were trying to push alcohol and weed on me, I'd instruct her to lose my number, our "history" notwithstanding. I cannot think of a single reason why I'd want to hang with someone who not only doesn't respect me, but who also shows a glaring absence of self respect by his behavior.

I'm comfortable in saying that you haven't heard the last of him.

Br00ksie

Amen, brotha!! So real and insightful. Thank you.

neferkamichael

Br00ksie, 5 days sober? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. If you are serious about quitting, tell him you gave it all up, and if ya have to give him up tp. Rootin for ya.