bradley26

Time after time i go a few weeks or even months without alcohol and then i start thinking it might be different this time if i have a drink, it never is and as stupid as it sounds i know the outcome but still go ahead with it, I joined this forum almost a year ago but am still at square one ,still drinking as i type on a 3 day bender. I feel like im stupid and might have some sort of mental problem, i mean why else would you do this to yourself when you know full well what the end result is? My problem with drink must be worse than i thought, i just really dont know anymore guys. when i was a kid i use to see drunks and drug addicts that were on the street and use to think ''why cant they just stop doing it. look how far they have fallen'' . Now i understand it more than i ever imagined i would. Only ever been to aa once which was last september, thought i could stop on my own, probably best i go back and incorporate it into my life . Otherwise if im saying the same stuff this time next year i think i might go crazy.

Hevyn

I know exactly what you're saying Bradley. I was the same way - and for 30 yrs. I played with it. I was convinced that willpower could save me from overdoing it - if I just tried harder. I only wanted to enjoy it once again without the terrible consequences. I sure was a slow learner. My life had to become chaos before I ever admitted I couldn't touch it - not a sip - ever.

I wish it hadn't taken almost dying - and losing everything - to wake me up. This doesn't need to happen to you Bradley. You're admitting you need more help - I'm thankful for that. I think trying AA again is a great idea. Meanwhile I hope you'll continue posting. We care about you.

doggonecarl

I don't think it is necessary to completely understand alcoholism to recover from it. But it is necessary to accept you have it and can never drink again.

Pamel

Very well said doggonecarl. Acceptance....

Spinach

I think you've got to keep sober until you start to feel and see the pleasure in life coming back.
First things first start counting the days 2, 5, 7, 10, 14, 15 feel pride with each one , plan for your evenings and think of that pride each day , wrestle with the con trick confidence of the just one, or a treat etc fill your evenings with films books , tea and food.
Then just don't look back.
It has taken me years , but I finally got it right,
Never give up giving up.
You can do it and it'll soon become a fantastic way to live.
John.

least

I used to do the same myself. Couldn't stay sober for long, it seemed. But when I finally wanted, really wanted in my gut, to be sober more than I wanted to drink, I was able to stay sober.

Never give up. You'll get there if you keep at it.

AlefVavResh

It took me a long time to figure out that there is no such thing as "just one glass". . . Oh, I wanted that to work out so badly. A night here and there. Now I reflect on how much time I lost to blackouts and pathetic behavior. Ugh . . I'm happy now that I finally see myself as an alcoholic (I used to point to other people and say - "omg - look at those alcoholics." Funny how we can't see the obvious.) I love AA and the possibility I see for a sober future. . . I wasn't here when you joined, but welcome back to the fold!

Br00ksie

I 100% relate! I have always tried to stop on my own, until a friend brought me to an AA meeting. It was only then that I realized that I needed support in order to be successful in my sobriety. I have been sober for 5 days and have been to a meeting every one of those days. Also, if you aren't ready for AA, get the book "Living Sober." It is so intuitive and has helped me back off of the ledge a couple of times in the past 5 days. Best of luck!

britquit

I feel you. I do the same thing. Day 1 again. Drinking is ruining my life but I keep doing it. Hang in there good luck

Kaneda8888

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results

Only by making changes to your lifestyle, beliefs and behaviour, can you then hope to make a change to your situation.

If sobriety is what you want, make it your first priority. Change everything that requires to be changed so that you maintain it as your first priority.

You can do it ! Never give up...

Dee74

I think there's some great advice here Bradley.

To be honest the only thing I really need to understand - even now - is I can't have that first drink - that's the one that brings me undone.

D

IOAA2

Totally agree and would add to the sentence "in safety." BE WELL

andsolifebegins

I don't think there is anything wrong with you, just unfortunately some of us are different to others. I believe that we can not be trusted with 'just one' it is never enough, some people are probably like it with lots of things in life, unfortunately our vice ruins our lives!

Don't beat yourself up over it, just look to the future. I am only on day 6 & I worry for the future, I can only manage one day at a time. Good luck to you