AugustWest11

Made it home alive\Exhausted Now I have to stay up till my Doc; then deal w\ public transport, probably will get off the buss 2-3 times It is gonna be a long day .. Ohh then meeting at 7 .. Man WTF did I sign up for :p

AW

13unluckyforsom

Life you signed up to live and with that comes feeling the feelings - even the uncomfortable ones.

I think if you put your mind to it you can stay on that bus the whole way. How long is the journey? Make sure you have some water with you - some gum to chew - a book to focus on and just breathe - focus on breathing deeply.

ImperfectlyMe

Keep your headphones on if music comforts you! Can't wait to hear how doc goes

13unluckyforsom

Be very aware of your self talk - I'm guessing that right now your building your mind up in to a panic over this bus journey - your probably telling yourself 'I can't cope with this I can't go it' I'm going to be feeling like x,y and z and this is going to be a nightmare.

Truth is - its not going to be easy for you - fact. But here is another fact - your fear is only going to get bigger the more you feed it negativity - you could try and talk yourself through it - take me for example - I hate flying - on take off and landing I have to talk to myself - I have to be my own mother and hush myself and tell myself it's ok - you need to look after you sometimes. Because that fear will ruin your entire life if you let it. It needs trained and it needs coaxed - so when your on that bus and get the first thoughts of getting off - challenge yourself to last another 5minutes or however long you can push yourself to take. Thing is with anxiety it will be all consuming if you leave it unattended - you need to put limits on your fears in terms of realistically and rational thoughts.

AugustWest11

I do jam tunez & keep my head down .. but it matters how packed it is.. besides I already backed out & have a ride.. yea I am a panzy. But ty guys. Will remember for the ride home .

13unluckyforsom

Lol your not a panzy.. I'd rather get a lift too. Hope it goes well for you later. Keep us posted

happyhour

rock on!

nice job aw.

james872

When you look back in a while, this will be over and you'll be happy you went through with it. The first few days can be difficult.

Pretty soon, after the detox phase, it will get easier.

CaseyW

Been reading your posts since I first joined in July, AW, and just wanted to tell you thank you for your persistence and tenacity and honesty. Keep doing the next right thing!

ImperfectlyMe

Tell us how it went

AugustWest11

Didn't go well ... I once again called counseling services they have YET to get back to me I slept through my reg doc appointment; & my friend can't go to a meeting b\c he has to work .. On top of it all I think My Ex is at the end of her rope and I am very uncertain about the place I life, my job, and life in general right now ..

ImperfectlyMe

$h?!.... Trying to come up with what to say. How are you feeling emotionally/physically?

AugustWest11

draged out depresseed scared worry about 8pm how her attitude will be .. I have little to know money in the savings to stay elsewhere until my Oct. 4th date .. I am so on the verge of going to my hometown and certain _____ .

ScottFromWI

I'm speechless too AW. Not sure there's anything we can do to help anymore as you've once again completely disregarded all help from all angles. You know what you need to do and you know where the help is if you ever decide to use it. That's truly all that can be said at this point.

AugustWest11

Scott; I am trying all avenues at m,y disposable giving my situation ..

Malachi

AW, I've been following your threads for a while now. It seems that every time you make plans to get more help and support, something inevitably falls through. Maybe you can come up with a back-up plan for next time so you can get the help you say you want?

Also, you say quite frequently that if you go back to your hometown, you WILL drink. You pronounce it as a foregone conclusion. But if you really don't want to drink, and you really are committed to your recovery, you can choose not to drink. If you do go to your hometown and drink, keep in mind that it is your choice and your decision. Location doesn't force anyone into drinking. If you want to drink, you can drink anywhere. If you want to stay sober and are willing to work hard for it, you can stay sober anywhere.

Sending good thoughts your way!

Eleni58

AW, where there is a will, there is a way.....

ScottFromWI

Sleeping through appointments, ignoring advice from doctors you just saw at the ER, skipping a meeting you could have gone to yourself, putting off calling the rehab yesterday and again making a half hearted effort today, not utilizing help for things you can do at home from members here, NONE of those things are taking you down any avenue at your disposal. They are excuses, plain and simple.

AugustWest11

TY Mal No location doesn't; but me n my hometown in the physical & added mental pain I would be in; I know me and I know I would drink .. Or at the very least score something for my back which in turn would lead to drink .. I have very little support down there but access to all kinds of other things .

ImperfectlyMe

Ok I know we are all trying to help but I don't want to make August feel afraid to come here and post open and honestly. He could have easily said the apt was great!