Ptcapote

Today was a tragic one in DC for many, most obviously for those who lost loved ones in yet another senseless shooting rampage. Although I work in the city, it is nowhere near the scene of today's horror although it is a small enough city that everyone tends to know everyone else or someone who knows someone. So it was a long day of calls and checking in to make sure friends, loved ones and friends of friends were accounted for.

But something strange happened to me today that I didn't even notice until I was listening to someone share in a meeting tonight. As stressful as things got at one point when several of us couldn't locate a former colleague who worked in the building that was under lock-down, I never once thought about drinking. Not even once.

Before, something like that would have had me counting down the hours until I could get home and numb my anxiety with a bottle or two of wine. Hell, let's be honest, I probably would have repaired to a bar or restaurant at lunch to get started. Probably wouldn't have left.

A lot of folks I work with did just that. Or, as soon as 5PM hit, they were out the door and off to the bar in droves. Several asked me to go with them to "let off some steam." I rarely say yes to any invitations to anywhere that involves alcohol but today it seemed so antithetical and abhorrent to me want to drink when something like this happened I was like, "Whoa...how do any of you think THAT is going to make you feel better?" (I didn't say it, of course).

Then I was like, "Whoa...who the hell is this person occupying my body these days having these thoughts?!"

It was seven months sober for me on Saturday and I remember thinking that morning that I hadn't really had any significant change of thinking or behavior in the past few months. Well, obviously such shifts don't always announce themselves until they, well, announce themselves with something like today.

As sad and tragic as this day has been, the fact that it didn't even cross my mind for a second to think of booze or drinking over it until I saw others doing so was pretty startling.

Particularly for someone who not all that long ago used alcohol to cope with such "major" tragedies as a blown-out light bulb or the dog having an accident in the house...

alphaomega

Hugs buddy. Big huge hugs to you.

Way to protect.

XO

Eleni58

Good for you Ptcapote! You are obviously over the hump in your recovery and you are to be commended for your strength and clear, rational thinking. Isn't sober life wonderful?

Renarde

I'm so glad this was your reaction. I have also lived before in a location of a mass shooting and it is very tough, even when you haven't lost someone from your life. It hurts everyone. I'm sorry.

Plenny

Oh my. It's terrible. I have experience too. Not sober experience though. You are that much more prepared to be there for others when you are sober... And to process it for yourself. Good job not hurting yourself further. Good job taking care of yourself.

EndGameNYC

I've learned that I'm more vulnerable when things are going well than I am during a crisis.

happyhour

BRAVO !

Dee74

Prayers and best wishes for everyone affected by this.

D

Weasel1966

Pt.... You've come a long way. Sometimes we don't see it until we look up. Seems you noticed. I am happy for you!!!

Keep going strong. There's a lot of life to live and yesterday proves we need to live that life in this moment.

Ken

Vandermast

glad to see you made it through a tragedy and didnt drink.....

and for all those involved, my heartfelt condolances

IOAA2

Congratulations on your sober thinking process. This is the way we STAY sober. BE WELL

Melina

Great perspective, thank you for the post!

trikyriky

Hello my friend

I am sorry that innocent lives were lost ,

But you , you dealt with tragedy ,

So , So , happy for you

Truly , Tr

LadyBlue0527

Hi Pt, first, I am so sorry that you went through the day that you did. My heart goes out to the family and friends of the people who lost their lives. Also the same to those who knew the gunman.

Your post ties into a thought process I had this morning about sobriety being a proverbial rewiring of the circuitry in our brain. We've spent so long in the "reward or relief" mind frame where alcohol or drugs are used in either circumstance.

It must be true that eventually we will be able to get through stressful situations or points in time that we should be rewarded without it coming to mind. One can only hope! I don't think that there will ever come a point that we don't think about it at all. I think that what will happen is that it becomes a faded memory. We will look back to the days when we did drink at the point where it was still fun and not a problem, much like we look at our childhood. However, ever present will be the realization that the end was dark and is not to be revisited. At that point we will be able to comfortably sit with that and realize, we have been successfully rewired.

Sounds like your circuitry impulses are heading in the right direction!

FourSeasons

Great post! Thanks for sharing. Much appreciate it!! And, Congratulations to you on 7 months!!!

Serenity1972

Thanks for sharing and kudos to you for not even thinking about picking up that first drink. My condolences goes out to all that were involved in this terrible tragedy.

Mizzuno

PT. This DC situation is so horrible. Our world is in bad shape these days, and I think it always has been. There is something seriously wrong.
I am so proud of you and the resolve that you have. Drinking will not make it better. It may or may not for some, but that is their battle.....or rather decision. It is good to see you posting and sharing. May peace come to the DC area. You are all in my heart. Stay safe PT and keep close.

CaseyW

I was just writing in my journal a few days ago about how quickly I ran to the bar on September 11, 2001, when I got off work. It seemed the only solution at the time.

Thanks for your insightful post and congrats on seven months!