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Wanting off the terrible cycle

Old 09-16-2013, 06:48 PM
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Lightbulb Wanting off the terrible cycle

I had my first night without any alcohol 3 nights ago. The last night off before that was 3 months ago. I thought I could just stick with it but I did not. This has been me for years and yet my husband is still here putting up with this. He is patient, waiting for me to be 'ready' to stop. Like a lot of opinions you hear about, he thinks that I can maybe just 'control' it.

I know that is not going to happen (like everyone here i hope?) I feel like I'm ready but I'm just scared. I've done this for so long but I am really over it. It's like being a mouse on a wheel where I'm doing the same thing over & over and I'm just tired of it and want off. I'm done. I am ready to say goodbye to drinking (just scared, like I said) the plan is to have another night without any alcohol tonight & then try again tomorrow but not to overwhelm myself with thinking about weeks/months from now.
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Old 09-16-2013, 06:56 PM
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Hi Bubbly !

Have you tried going to a recovery meeting such as AA or something similar ? It is really tough to do it alone and the support you get from these types of places will help enormously. I personally go to AA meetings as there are tons of them around especially in Strailya Give it a go (its free) and see if it suits you. You will be really surprised that the vast majority of AA folks are normal except that they are addicted to alcohol AND want to stop drinking. Otherwise, see if there are local community or recovery centres near you. Its fantastic that you have a supportive husband but don't be presumptuous about that support !

Hang in there and post often to SR. Its very useful and quite addictive
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Old 09-16-2013, 06:56 PM
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AA meetings are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I would not be sober as long as I have (which is 4 days ) without it! I heard al-anon was really helpful also. Maybe look into going to an al-anon meeting with your husband? Determination, support and understanding my limitations are what got me to 4 days.
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Old 09-17-2013, 03:08 AM
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Hello, and welcome.

Yes, I rode that mouse wheel for many years, so I know what it's like. I got to the point where I was afraid to drink and afraid not to. It was awful.
And, yes, I could never control my drinking. I've never had one drink in my life, and I never plan to. It's all or nothing for me. Now, I choose nothing. I hope you do,too.

It took me a long time to quit. I had to unlearn drinking and learn to be sober.
As the others have mentioned, AA can be a great resource for quiting.

I konw where you're coming from, so you are not alone. I hope you keep reading and posting, and best to you.
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Old 09-17-2013, 03:19 AM
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Thanks, just getting used to the idea

The support will be a huge help I know, thanks for the advice so far
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Old 09-17-2013, 03:27 AM
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Welcome Bubbly...SR has been a huge help to me in early sobriety!

I was noticing Br00ksie's new avatar...Fear is a Liar, thought I'd add one I heard.

F uture
E vent
A already
R uined

Glad you are here Bubbly!
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Old 09-17-2013, 03:34 AM
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Welcome Bubblygirl. I also reached the point where i got sick and tired of drinking and decided to break the cycle. Once i accepted and made peace with the fact that i cant drink any alcohol i started my recovery. Glad you are deciding to make positive changes and get sober. It is scary at first but sobriety is so worth it. Glad you are here. Wishing you well.
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Old 09-17-2013, 03:36 AM
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welcome aboard, and to a new life, its worth it xx

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Old 09-17-2013, 03:36 AM
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This can be hard when you are with a spouse who doesn't understand our situation. One thing that helped me was that I had kept a journal. I was able to pull out old journal and show her that I had been struggling with drinking for a long time (oldest entry was from 1991). The Big Book from AA also has some great descriptions of alcoholics and how their minds work.
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Old 09-17-2013, 09:47 AM
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Bubbly, I know for me that it has helped to not think of it as "never drinking again." Instead I've focused on "I'm not going to take that first drink today." If you don't take drink number one then you obviously can't take drink number two or ten. Just semantics, I know, but it's been helpful for me.

A combination of this message board and AA have helped keep me sober for sixty days now. Glad you've found us and I'm wishing you the best in your recovery!
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Old 09-17-2013, 10:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Bubblygirl View Post
I had my first night without any alcohol 3 nights ago. The last night off before that was 3 months ago. I thought I could just stick with it but I did not. This has been me for years and yet my husband is still here putting up with this. He is patient, waiting for me to be 'ready' to stop. Like a lot of opinions you hear about, he thinks that I can maybe just 'control' it.

I know that is not going to happen (like everyone here i hope?) I feel like I'm ready but I'm just scared. I've done this for so long but I am really over it. It's like being a mouse on a wheel where I'm doing the same thing over & over and I'm just tired of it and want off. I'm done. I am ready to say goodbye to drinking (just scared, like I said) the plan is to have another night without any alcohol tonight & then try again tomorrow but not to overwhelm myself with thinking about weeks/months from now.
Very nicely put. I love the mouse on a wheel image. . . . And I agree. As far as I'm concerned - moderation? - never gonna happen . . . You've got an awesome one-day-at-a-time mindset. When you feel like drinking, just visit SR. Read and read. I spend most of my first week here, doing the bare minimum at work. Welcome!
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Old 09-18-2013, 05:25 AM
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Hey...

Thank you all for everybody replying, I need sooooo much to read and hear all of this. I know somewhere inside of me that I am better than this, that my family & I deserve better. I can't remember a time when I wasn't like this anymore (which scares me) it's been so long. I feel a massive/huge guilt when it comes to my 10 year old son especially because I've been like this for most of his life. He deserves better than me & i was crying by his bedside apologizing for how I am as he is asleep for so many years. It's a vicious cycle, I feel so bad so I drink....then I feel so bad because I drink. It doesn't end. I need the courage to stop, for good & forever. I need faith in myself (that I just don't feel that I have after this long) thanks for reading/listening
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