misspond

Being positive has been helping me the last couple of weeks but I will confess I really struggled this weekend. I feel foolish because what I'm posting about is not drinking and I'm grateful for that. But my word did I want to. Really really wanted to go and buy a bottle of wine or two.

So I guess what I have to do is work out the triggers? Boredom is one, loneliness is another. I do have hobbies and pass-times and love to read but I just couldn't get into anything this weekend. It was busy during the day because my son had his birthday party, and then my daughter went out to a party.

I'm also feeling anxious because my son started school this week and I'm keen for him to be happy at school because next week I start a new job and for three weeks the kids will have to go to after-school care (they've never had to go before now). It's just normal day to day stuff but I figure I'm best to get it out of my head. And it's funny, I read here a lot over the weekend but didn't feel inclined to join in with any conversations or threads and in hindsight maybe I should have.

Anyway - onwards and upwards through the week. I'm hoping that next weekend won't prove too tricky (ahh I'm anxious about that too I've just realised) as I'm going to be away for the weekend. I'm going to have to quieten the AV when everyone else is drinking; maybe I'll be able to spot a fellow non-drinker and stick next to them.

jaynie04

Hi Misspond...I identify a lot with where you are. I am not having cravings, but I feel like I am bogged down with thoughts to the point of being immobilized. You sound as if you are really tough on yourself, and that you worry a lot about others. Maybe you should exercise some of that compassion on yourself? You are doing so well...it takes time, this is a marathon, not a sprint.

I am sending you a cyber hug and a high five for all that you have accomplished. I think SR is a wonderful tool in that sometimes you can engage, other times just read....

misspond

Thank you for the hug and the high-five Jaynie x

doggonecarl

It's surprising the little things that will send us seeking refuge in a bottle. Boredom? Loneliness? I tell myself that they are my problems and it does no good to compare them to others. But the reality is, most people deal with issues ten, twenty times worse WITHOUT drinking. Therefore, so can I.

And so can you!

lorelei

Hey misspond,

I dont think its possible to always be so positive or happy in our sobriety, but the fact you rode it out speaks volumes about you. Keep busy keep fighting don't worry too much about next weekend, one day at a time, and you'll have another wk of sobriety under your belt and you can always take us with you in your pocket on your phone xx

fini

So I guess what I have to do is work out the triggers? Boredom is one, loneliness is another.

misspond,
knowing some of the triggers was helpful to me in as far as then i wouldn't be shocked when i suddenly had the "drinkdrinkdrink" thing going on. and knowing some of them also means i could prepare for them, have a plan of sorts.
but there are always unforeseen ones, or new ones i hadn't encountered yet.
a trigger is just that; it triggers a reaction, a response.
in and of itself it has no other power.
the things that are triggers for you such as boredom and loneliness....those things are challenges, i think, that have a much wider impact that "just" as a trigger. they're...hm...life-kinda-issues.
for me, triggers i could/can just sit through, they're at most uncomfortable for a bit. they lessen with time. but looking what's behind them, WHY something triggered,and what to do about THAT....that's where the work is, for me.

misspond

In fairness I try not to ponder the whys too much - I just found myself doing so today. I'll be honest, I used to like drinking because I liked being drunk. Yep, I'm probably always going to feel lonely and have the bouts of boredom that happen once the children are in bed and it's just me sitting there again, and people do deal with much worse without having a drink. So can I x

fini

misspond,
at the risk of overstepping, what i was trying to point out are the benefits of pondering the "why" of the triggers.
i've found better self-understanding that way, which can lead to more and better ways of making my life such that i'm not sideswiped by these challenges.
seeing how certain feelings manifest as "drinkdrinkdrink" triggers has given me more choices...and a clearer view to where i need to put energy and effort into finding better ways.
if i thought, as you describe, that i'll probably always feel lonely and have bouts of boredom...wow, i'd find that really distressing. i'd need to look at why i thought that, if it were really so, and more importantly: what i could do, what i'd be willing to do....all that would come from that trigger you described
my thinking is that triggers don't result in drinking, but continuous feelings of loneliness and frequent boredom would increase the risk of sober life seeming so miserable that the ****-it-all response would seem more tempting.
apologies if i overstepped and crossed boundaries.

misspond

Fini - no overstepping at all. In fact I appreciate that you have called me out on the feelings I have described because I have accepted them as my reality, and have so far considered them to be a fair description. Despite how I may come across I am happy to be sober and in the short time I've been so am resolutely positive about not being drunk/hungover, and therefore being more present and fun for my children, and more able to approach a new job next week with optimism.

However. It's becoming clearer to me that I've a few more things to fix and/or change, but I'm going to stick with one thing at a time. x

fini

It's becoming clearer to me that I've a few more things to fix and/or change,

funny how that happens, eh? happened to me, too