walkingwithgod

I have a temporary sponsor, but he is more of someone to chat with and discuss issues. I've been putting off getting into the steps, because I don't want him as my sponsor. I haven't found another person, but just don't feel a good connection with this guy. What should I do? I don't want to create hard feelings and still want to be able to chat with him at meetings. Any advice? How did you find your sponsor. I have 173 days sober, and have been going to meetings for about 45 days or so.

DayTrader

I'd post this in the 12-step area as that's where most of the "aa people" hang out.

I haven't found "having a connection" to a sponsor to be a necessary or even desirable component of working the program. To be blunt, most of the newcomers I know who seek out a sponsor they think is cool or they like usually find someone who's cool......but doesn't know much about the program, hasn't worked the steps and doesn't know much about the 3-part problem, 3-pronged solution, the steps or the traditions. ......maybe you got exactly who you need?

Also from my experience...... people who dump a sponsor without FIRST finding a new one usually go on to sponsor themselves. That usually turns them into a "I'll just go to meetings and not drink" type of member because you can't teach yourself something you don't yet know. And that, because it doesn't work, usually leads to skipping the meetings and going it alone. So far, my experience is close to 100% of those folks go back to drinking/drugging pretty quickly.

If you're convinced you need a new sponsor, find that person first.......then discuss with them the best way to do what really is quite simple - you go up to that person and say, "I made a change and 'Joe' is going to be my sponsor......thanks for the help this far. I appreciate it."

wakko

Any good sponsor will be happy that you found someone that meets your needs better. Say thank you snd move on.

DayTrader

Great point!

IF they get angry or hurt feelings then you've got close to 100% proof that making the change was the right thing to do. You just separated yourself from someone who's ideas of sponsorship were twisted.

And yes, I've been that sponsor who got butt-hurt when a sponsee bailed on me. And yes, that guy's decision to move to someone else was the right call. I wasn't performing my roll as sponsor so much as collecting sponsees to make me look good and feel good about myself.

Mentium

Oddly enough this came up at the meeting I was at tonight. Someone reminded the person who raised the point that the programme is for the member in question to get well, not the sponsor and as indicated above any AA member with their heart in the right place would encourage you to find the right person for you.