13unluckyforsom

But I am! Best thing is I'm on campral so probably won't even get anywhere lol stupid or what!

Coldfusion

Thanks for the honesty! If you think you cannot quit, a trip to detox or rehab may be in order for you too...

13unluckyforsom

It's not really an option for me to be honest - but thanks

ImperfectlyMe

13 what the hell happened?

Raider

I'm sorry 13. I drank last night. Haven't yet today.

13unluckyforsom

Raider - dont say 'yet' its giving up talk before you've gave yourself a chance!

jesternudder

It is hard when you can't identify the trigger. I also commend you on being honest. I thought about "fading away" from SR after my slip this weekend because I was ashamed to admit my mistake, but the fact is I truly want to beat this thing.
You must truly want to beat it, too.

Raider

Well I'm guessing if I really wanted to stop drinking, I wouldn't have had five slips in 2 weeks.

13unluckyforsom

Yknow I shoulda phoned my friend - I need a rant but instead I chose to drink!

13unluckyforsom

Raider your still here though so you want it - you just haven't found a way that works for you yet or you've gave in too easily as is the case with me. I just gave in. For stupidness.

Raider

I gave up giving it up.

13unluckyforsom

Why though? Are you happier drinking?

Raider

I'm happier not fighting...it's just a big miserable fight. I grew weary. I don't have an excuse, but I'm 54 I don't need one.

But no, I am. Not happier. Are you?

silentrun

People say that to me when I keep going back to smoking. "If you really wanted to quit you would." It makes me angry because the first part of a quit is sheer torture. OK then why do I keep trying? Why do I keep putting myself through this? I DO want to quit smoking that's why I keep trying. That is why you both are still here. You Do really want sobriety otherwise you would slink away. By the way I am almost a month into a quit right now. I am using the gum, but I am not smoking. Keep going until you get it right.

longbeachone

Raider, I know you still want this crazy, unhealthy habit to be gone from your life. Have you gone to any meetings yet?

silentrun

You don't know the full extent of what this is doing to you Raider. It takes a few months for things to start to reverse. I honestly thought I was in full blown perimenopause. I was going to see a hormone therapist it was sooooo bad. It turns out all the depression, anger, fog everything was because of the alcohol. Not like this is good for the guys but our bodies just are not able to tolerate this kind of abuse.

lessgravity

Damn 13, what happened?

13unluckyforsom

Nothing happened - that's the point - I bust a gut getting sober and then it's just back to being took for granted! Only when I'm not drinking I notice it all the more and I'm not one to stamp my feet fussing but I made my point to my other half and it was ignored so - what's the point if nothing in the rest of my life changes - except me - I'm giving more and everyone takes more basically!

mecanix

5 slips (i assume days) means also 9 green days sober on the calender ? Just sayin'

Hey 13 i'm sorry to hear it , you have sounded pritty angsty these last few days , learning how to deal with life on lifes terms and stay sober is hard and painful . I hope you chuck the drink away and go to bed . Make sure you have some water to be kind to your kidneys .

Tomorow is a new day we all get to try and deal with life again .

Be safe , m

Raider

I have come to th conclusion I can't do this by myself. I am leaving tomorrow for 3 1/2 weeks. When I get back, I will be checking detox centers. No meetings longbeach. Maybe ill fly over and pick up 13 and make him go with me!