Imabuleva

So I got bored on Wednesday night and went to get some liquor (after five days sober). I drank enough to just go to sleep and felt fine Thursday morning. Went to work Thursday and left early because my boss left early and there was nothing to do anyway. Came home and got drunk. Woke up Friday feeling slightly less fine, and took a shot and drank half a beer before I went to work. Came home mid-morning to take a couple more shots and finish the beer before going back to work. Got my work done, left early and came home to get trashed. And I got trashed. I was out by 3PM, woke up at 7PM, DROVE a block to Subway and made it home unscathed (thankfully). Came home, threw out my stash in a drunken haze because I hated myself, ate, and passed out.

It's all or nothing with me. Either I drink hard (everything I have) or don't drink at all. I hate that because I really like the relaxing feeling of those first two shots. Or shot chased with beer.

happyhour

ima, sorry. the idea seems so innocent, doesn't it? the times i have said, "sitting on the patio and having a beer or two sounds so relaxing..." what a joke, totally conning myself.

glad you posted. thanks, it helped me. you can do this.

suki44883

I think most of us tried to moderate our drinking, but it just doesn't work for an alcoholic. Normal drinkers don't consciously moderate, it just comes naturally to them. One or two and they're satisfied and don't crave more. And drinking before work and coming home at noon to have a couple more drinks is definitely a danger sign.

JaimeJaime

That's how I feel... but i've tried enough times to know...A beer doesn't interest me. A beer and a shot? Great for now, but I want more and more!!

lorelei

For so many of us its all or nothing that's why I've realised if there's no off switch there can be no on one...
L x

LillianGish

Ima, thank you for your story. It helps me realize I can't moderate either.

But I'm sorry you stumbled. It's a process and I hope you get to where you want to be in fighting your illness.

heath480

Nah I couldn't moderate either.

hayley86

My life became a lot more simple when i stopped tormenting myself with the idea that one day i might be able to moderate my drinking. Once i accepted and made peace with the fact that i am someone who cant drink alcohol i started my recovery. Glad you are here. Wishing you the best.

Mentium

It took a while for it to sink in but I realised that it is easier for me to quit than to moderate. Quitting lets go. You don't have to worry about controlling alcohol when you quit. Moderation is more or less impossible for me and it is a pretend way of controlling the uncontrollable.

Anna

Yes, we pursue the dream, but it doesn't work for us.

I think you will feel a sense of freedom when you know that alcohol is no longer an option.

doggonecarl

The next time you feel bored...stayed bored.

Or find something you enjoy doing sober. Or do something that will keep you sober, like work on your recovery.

Anything but drink.

FeenixxRising

I've tried more times than I care to remember. I finally decided that I just can't control my drinking. Sober is the only option for me.

Mentium

I think this is excellent advice! Boredom is sometimes used as a reason to drink. Often in fact in my experience - and I am guilty of using it as an excuse too in the past.

What's wrong with being bored for a bit? Be bored. It is better than being drunk!

workoholic

Imabuleva, I tried to moderate but it tends to spiral out of control sooner or later, all too often sooner lately.

Yankee73

Imabuleva- Your post perfectly described my last few "attempts" at moderation.

longbeachone

IMA..."I thought I Could Moderate"...the epitome of famous last words.

Drinking/using is not called "Chasing the Dragon" for nothing. We're always trying to duplicate the feeling of that first shot, first drink, first puff, first snort, first needle. And we never can. So we get completely trashed and wreck our lives in the process.

Jeni26

I never even tried moderating...I couldn't see the point. A couple of drinks did nothing for me and just left me frustrated and craving more.

Maybe, as hard as it was, you needed to prove to yourself the futility of trying to moderate in the future.

Abstaining is the only way forward for us alcoholics. Hard to do in the beginning, but worth the effort. And no more hangovers.. X

soberhawk

This is my first time I have decided just to stop this nonsense for good. For me at least it is way to much battle to try to moderate.

I do understand the temptation of two cold beers just to relax, but if I am honest that was not the experience that dominated my drinking. It is an illusion – and not an illusion I will be chasing anymore.

FourSeasons

Hello Imabuleva,

I too tried the dance with moderation. I was always lousy at it. Hence, the reason for my signature. Every time I see it posted, it just reminds me, and I actually read it out loud, "Repeat after me. There is no such thing as one and done."

So true... sigh... It is what it is...

patricia68

I also tried to moderate last night...the only reason I drunk only one glass was because I bought one of those little bottles, like the ones they give you on board...but after the glass was empty I knew I wanted more. So moral of the story, we can't just have "one" drink...or just one Dorito