JessicawithHope

My husband is coming home from rehab tomorrow.

I am excited, nervous and scared. Can any of you offer some examples of what I should expect? Any advice for me is greatly appreciated..

Thank you!

BWalt

My wife gets out of rehab in 44 days. I started writing up a list of questions to answer during the family week they hold. For my AW, skipping AA or recovery related meetings I think is the first indicator, the second being withdrawing from friends & family.

She's been in twice before, first time lasted 7 years. We did AA & alanon together as soon as she got out. A few months later, I was laid off (STRESS) but no drinking. We moved, both got jobs, had kids no programs being worked and when we moved again (we were apart) the trouble started again. Went back in, came out and was drinking within a week while I was working out of town. After that, she went into a several downward spiral and she hit the gas pedal by switching from wine to vodka. She wasn't allowed to drive anymore until we moved halfway across the country, she stayed within a few miles of me at all times since the boys were with her. After we settled in, things improved for a bit, but as soon as I went out of town on business, she drank so much she passed out and couldn't get the boys from school. Thankfully the church was very outgoing and sent someone to check on her, pick up the boys and stay with them until I got home.

For me, I'm taking notes on triggers related to my actions as I'm no saint, but I'm also going in cautiously optimistic with some of my questions. They use this program (relapseprevention.org) which is included in the fee; interviews, counseling & testing. Might be something to look into.

Wishing you both the best of luck,

B

thislonelygirl

Expect him not to be cured. Even sober and out of rehab he still has to work on staying sober.
Support him continuing recovery and remember its going to be tough for both of you.
Its different being sober in rehab compared to being home.
He will be tons better sober but he wont be perfect. He might quack and that might just be him coping or trying too. Try not to mother or doctor him. He knows what he must do and where to go to stay clean.
And above all try not to take it personal if hes not exactly adjusted. The furst year is the hardest

Recovering2

Looking at your old posts, he hasn't been in rehab for very long. What that means is he is still very early in his recovery. It usually takes a couple of weeks for the fog to start lifting when they quit drinking. So his real work is still ahead of him. Hopefully he has worked with his counseling team to come up with a strong recovery program when he gets home. It really needs to be his #1 priority, schedule recovery stuff...then schedule anything else after that.

Early recovery is hard. My RABF has been sober now for 9 months, so we're still early in this too. The first few months when he came home (after almost 3 months in rehab) were difficult. I don't think either of us really knew what to expect. It was important that I stay out of his recovery, and focus on my own. "Stay on your side of the street."

I hope you're involved in AlAnon, it will be important to you as you both adjust to this new life. Say the Serenity Prayer, focus on your health. Let your husband focus on his. I wish you both the very best. It's not easy, but life gets better every day.

JessicawithHope

BWalt- Thank you for the advice and I will check into relapseprevention.org too!

thislonelygirl-"Try not to mother or doctor him"-this is my challenge! Thank you!

Recovering2-I am attending Al Anon and I agree that neither of us knows what to expect yet! Thank you for the encouragement!

Thank you all and I truly appreciate your advice

dandylion

Dear Jessica---something you said caught my eye---You said that your big challenge would be not to "mother or doctor him". This is so often the case with co-dependents (especially, us women). I suggest that this should be a red flag for YOU to work on with the help of alanon. Think about it--no grown adult person should need to be mothered or doctored by someone else. Part of independence and maturity is that we be able to take care of ourselves.

Old habits die hard, though---maybe you should wear a rubber band around your wrist for this one...(LOL). Alcoholics, if they started drinking early, often are very immature in their emotional development--and this will become blatantly apparent in the early recovery period when they don't have the alcohol to help them "cope". While they will be as demanding as a teenager (or toddler)---they will resent you later and turn all blame onto you. Don't take their bait!!!!!!!!!! That is what they have their AA group and sponsor and counselor for.

I know that we have all thought, perhaps thousands of times "If he/she would just stop drinking--everything would be o.k." Getting sober is a necessary first step---but, unfortunately, we discover that alcoholism provides a perfect petri dish for lots of other destructive behaviors.

I think that if we keep this in mind--we can roll with the punches of early recovery a little better.

dandylion

Springs

My only advice would be to try to be honest with yourself about where he seems to be. My RAH is just now starting to seem like a cogent adult to me and it's been several months. It is very hard and painful for me to honestly admit to myself when he seems to be far from where I'd hope he was at, but I'm trying really hard to be honest with myself about the current situation and not jump back into denial.