Pattie1234

Hi everyone....I am new here and so glad I found this website...20 years ago my husband had a cocaine addiction...got help and was clean for 10 years, then had to have shoulder surgery and got addicted to percs and oxy...was going to 2 different docs. to get them, started selling them also to support his gambling habit and pay bills...got caught selling/buying them (started cocaine again also), was blaming everyone for his problems, even my daughters and I....he went to federal jail for 3 years, fell while he was in there got out went to a pain management dr. who gave him different kinds of pain meds....they didn't work so his sister and brother gave him percs, which he knows cannot take, but still did, I just threw him out again because was starting to accuse my daughter and I things that we are not doing, I started seeing a therapist last week, im trying to break away from him...it is hard I have been with him since I was 15 and im 49 now....I really cant take it anymore and it has been so peaceful here without him here....really could use some advice on how to break free of this mess

AnvilheadII

you no longer have to be trapped by decisions you made at 15.
you are as free as you believe you are.

sevenofnine

right here next to you. i have no answers, but I can offer fellowship.

please post more, and tell me what you do. I'm going to start my own thread about my situation, but just generally yeah. me too. maybe not as intense as all that sounds, but I get it. and I really really get the confusion.

hugs!

Pattie1234

Now I just heard that he is going to a suboxone doctor to get off the pain meds, but cant you get addicted to them also???

KeepinItReal

If he doesn't work the suboxone correctly then he can still use the pain meds while using the suboxone. Do your research. If he works the suboxone program correctly it can be a great thing. If not, it's more trouble. Sorry.

Pattie1234

Thank you...I really do not think he will work the suboxone right because of his family....he is the baby of the family and they still treat him like a baby because he whines so much that they give into him especially his sister who he lives with now..her own son died at the age of 26 from a heroine overdose...but that doesn't stop her from giving my husband percs. It is crazy and im just trying to figure out what I need to do to get away from this mess....

KeepinItReal

My AH isn't the baby of the family but all of his brothers and sisters are addicts. His older sister loves to give him drugs and seeing him fail when he's in active user mode. It's a sick disease that people who are addicted like to keep other people addicted also. They are "jealous" when he's in recovery and truly a toxic relationship. She really thinks she's helping him. It's really sick.
He has gone through recovery and rehab and knows he cannot blame anyone for his patterns or addiction. It's harder to break off relationships with family. I don't know the right answers or that we can do anything to change them. It really has to be their choice.
It's more than difficult to watch them go down that rabbit hole. We can only place our boundaries and keep them.
My AH has wanted to keep his family (me and the kids) and also his addiction. However, it doesn't work that way. He can sober up and live with us and the kids or he can keep using and be on his own. This IS NOT easy for me. We have been together for 12 years and I love him dearly. Right now he's in jail saying he will go into a sober house when he comes home. However, he wants to come home and be with us.. yet is willing to do what he needs to so we can eventually be together again. It's a torture. This is why i'm taking the steps seriously now.. and am still working the first step. I am powerless over his addiction.
Good luck.

Pattie1234

Well it has been a couple weeks now, and he still will not take responsibility for his addiction...he is blaming the pain management doctor for giving him the pills and why should he not take what the dr. gives him because he has a degree and knows what he is doing...Really??? I cant understand why he does not see that he is abusing the medicine again...and when I try to talk to him about anything that has to do with his addiction, he blames everyone but himself...I told him tonight that he has to take responsibility for what he does and not blame everyone else...this is crazy, but on a better note, it has been so peaceful here with him not here that I really see that he was starting to drive my daughter and I crazy, I do not have the chest pains that I was having with him here.....

LoveMeNow

Trying to reason or make him understand is just impossible.

I found limiting my contact as much as possible to be very helpful. There are times I feel sad, hurt and lonely lately but I just allow myself to feel it and let it go. They are only feelings, the discomfort doesn't last long if I don't allow it too. I have a choice...who knew? Lol

Pattie1234

Thank you so much, I am starting to realize that, but we have been together so long but I am seeing now that I can do it without him, just like I did when he went to jail...I just cant believe that he didn't learn his lesson when he went to jail but he didn't it is horrible