Hungover and Ashamed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Silver Spring, MD
Posts: 5
Hungover and Ashamed
I just joined today. I am hungover and ashamed. I don't drink every day, but when I do, I can't stop and I end up using incredibly bad judgement. I travel overseas a lot (I'm in another country right now) and have avoided disaster so far. I have a good job and the drinking hasn't negatively effected my career. I don't know if I am an alcoholic, but I do know I abuse alcohol and don't seem to know when to say enough. I would like to learn to moderate my drinking, but I don't think that is possible. I've written anything like this before, but I think it is time to do something. I have to admit I am embarrassed and angry with myself.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Welcome!
It's normal to feel shame and guilt associated with addiction. It's part of the downward cycle. I think most of us here have tried moderating and failed miserably. Alcoholics can't moderate their drinking. When I tried desperately to moderate, all I could think about was drinking. It was a relief to finally stop drinking.
I'm glad you found us and we do understand how hard this is.
It's normal to feel shame and guilt associated with addiction. It's part of the downward cycle. I think most of us here have tried moderating and failed miserably. Alcoholics can't moderate their drinking. When I tried desperately to moderate, all I could think about was drinking. It was a relief to finally stop drinking.
I'm glad you found us and we do understand how hard this is.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
I don't think it matters if one calls him or herself an alcoholic. I think we use labels too much generally. I am just a "bean" that does not react well to alcohol. As such it is nonsense for me to do so. That is pretty clear to me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 355
Shg - Welcome! Spend some time reading the newbie threads and you'll realize you're not alone. I tried to moderate and it did not work for me. The "can't stop if I have one" issue is something almost all of us know only too well. Stick around. Read. Share.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
I am professionally employed and never suffered any serious consequences APART from impact on my health and fitness, family life, work performance, social life and 30 years of lost opportunities. Yes I am high functioning but I estimate I got by on 80% of my capacity.
With age it all wore thin and I could see a crisis of some type looming precipitated by some event or other, despite my increasing efforts to 'have a break", moderate, impose rules and limitations that were becoming more desperate and less successful.
I always enjoyed intoxication and my "off switch" became more faulty with time. I had learnt over time that it does not heal/reset with short periods of abstinence (that were hard won).
In the end I struggled on and off for few years to break the cycle of ADDICTION. It was only in retrospect after 6-12 months sober, and I regained control of my emotions, that I could start to see how insidious alcohol addiction is.
I do not go to AA but I found reading the Big Book (free online) helpful, especially the personal stories. It also helped to read about AVRT/Rational Recovery. Joining SR has been my mainstay to the recovery community, and the daily/month group really helped get me through.
I am now sober two years and four months (tomorrow)- life is so much easier, enjoyable and less stressful. All areas of my life have shown marked improvements.
With age it all wore thin and I could see a crisis of some type looming precipitated by some event or other, despite my increasing efforts to 'have a break", moderate, impose rules and limitations that were becoming more desperate and less successful.
I always enjoyed intoxication and my "off switch" became more faulty with time. I had learnt over time that it does not heal/reset with short periods of abstinence (that were hard won).
In the end I struggled on and off for few years to break the cycle of ADDICTION. It was only in retrospect after 6-12 months sober, and I regained control of my emotions, that I could start to see how insidious alcohol addiction is.
I do not go to AA but I found reading the Big Book (free online) helpful, especially the personal stories. It also helped to read about AVRT/Rational Recovery. Joining SR has been my mainstay to the recovery community, and the daily/month group really helped get me through.
I am now sober two years and four months (tomorrow)- life is so much easier, enjoyable and less stressful. All areas of my life have shown marked improvements.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Welcome Shg, I can relate as once I started I struggled to stop,I didn't want to stop as loved the feeling.Sadly, as the years went by it got worse and I felt ill,mentally and physically.
I tried tomoderate and control many times. I told myself I'd only have a couple but once I'd had a couple all bets were off, I wanted more and had more.
Moderation or control isn't something to be learned. It either comes naturally to you or is doesn't. Not for me.
hope you stick around SR and read others stories-it's a great place
I tried tomoderate and control many times. I told myself I'd only have a couple but once I'd had a couple all bets were off, I wanted more and had more.
Moderation or control isn't something to be learned. It either comes naturally to you or is doesn't. Not for me.
hope you stick around SR and read others stories-it's a great place
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,563
Welcome to SR shg. This is a good place to be - reading & posting here will help you greatly.
I also couldn't stop once I started - & never could predict what would happen once it was in my system. It became dangerous and damaging. I didn't try to quit, or question my drinking the way you are - I kept insisting I could control the amounts I drank. As a result I became totally dependent on it later in life. It's good you're taking a look at what alcohol is doing to you. I hope you'll find it helpful to be here with us.
I also couldn't stop once I started - & never could predict what would happen once it was in my system. It became dangerous and damaging. I didn't try to quit, or question my drinking the way you are - I kept insisting I could control the amounts I drank. As a result I became totally dependent on it later in life. It's good you're taking a look at what alcohol is doing to you. I hope you'll find it helpful to be here with us.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
[QUOTE=Shg;4178466. I don't drink every day, but when I do, I can't stop [/QUOTE]
Welcome Shg. Ya know...when born without an off button, we rarely grow one. Although it sounds like you are not physically dependent on alcohol or at this point perhaps emotionally in an all consuming sense.
Your behaviour is indicative of the addiction cycle.
Have you tried to quit alcohol before but found you could not?
Have you continued to drink despite negative consequences (this includes shame, embarassment, poor judgement)?
Have you broken promises to yourself regarding alcohol?
When we continue a behaviour despite perpectual efforts to stop that behaviour...we are looking addiction right in the face of the beast.
Welcome Shg. Ya know...when born without an off button, we rarely grow one. Although it sounds like you are not physically dependent on alcohol or at this point perhaps emotionally in an all consuming sense.
Your behaviour is indicative of the addiction cycle.
Have you tried to quit alcohol before but found you could not?
Have you continued to drink despite negative consequences (this includes shame, embarassment, poor judgement)?
Have you broken promises to yourself regarding alcohol?
When we continue a behaviour despite perpectual efforts to stop that behaviour...we are looking addiction right in the face of the beast.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Silver Spring, MD
Posts: 5
Thank you all for your replies. I am still experiencing a lot of self loathing and doubts about my ability to change my drinking habits. I understand about the potential futility about moderation, but I feel like if i say to myself that I will never drink again, i will give up tomorrow. Forever is such a long time. Today, Saturday, I am not going to drink, though. That's an achievable goal and, given my tendency to drink a bottle or two of wine on a Sturday night, not insignificant. Then I'll worry about Sunday when it comes.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 668
HSg just tell yourself you won't drink today and do whatever you have to so you don't drink today. Thinking about never drinking again can be overwhelming in the early days of recovery. Worry about not drinking tomorrow when you wake up tomorrow, but today just worry about today.
We're all here to support you in this journey
We're all here to support you in this journey
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I understand Shg. I have been sober just over 3 months by "not drinking right now". |Now is the only thing I commit too. It's the only thing I have to commit too. I don't drink right NOW. I can completely freak myself out when I think beyond my immediate. I face everything as it comes and in my now.
You don't have to say you will never drink again. You only have to not drink now.
You don't have to say you will never drink again. You only have to not drink now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Soberspace
Posts: 591
Yes I found when the prospect of never drinking again becomes menacing I try to be short sighted and take one day at a time. My cravings are usually in the evenings, if I make it through I feel fine in the morning and so on.
One can get far despite drinking but even further if one stops. I've noticed improvements in the speed and accuracy of some practical aspects of my job during my second week of sobriety as the hangover shakes are gone.
One can get far despite drinking but even further if one stops. I've noticed improvements in the speed and accuracy of some practical aspects of my job during my second week of sobriety as the hangover shakes are gone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Your post was almost exactly like my first one ever on SR.
I was the same as you. I didn't lose my job, home or family but it wasn't until I'd got some sober time that I realised how much I was coasting through life. Everything is so much better now. I've been promoted twice at work. My marriage and my relationship with my kids...all on a different and far deeper level.
Don't wait until you start to lose those things that are important to you. Quitting is a really positive move x
I was the same as you. I didn't lose my job, home or family but it wasn't until I'd got some sober time that I realised how much I was coasting through life. Everything is so much better now. I've been promoted twice at work. My marriage and my relationship with my kids...all on a different and far deeper level.
Don't wait until you start to lose those things that are important to you. Quitting is a really positive move x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Silver Spring, MD
Posts: 5
No relapses or anything? Did you drink all the time or binge? What worked for you? Counting days you didn't drink? Paying attention to triggers? Did you decide then and there on total abstinence?
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