forworse

Anyone ever use it to get someone to treatment? I am likely filing one next week if my AW doesn't go voluntarily. I've not slept in my own house that I pay for in its entirety in days because she is fully active and erratic and the police have already been there to greet me when I got home from seeing my therapist. She hurt herself in a drunken stupor, blood everywhere and of course the man gets questioned. So glad I wasn't there. Once she is out for evaluation I am not letting her back unless she does a full program.

Any thoughts or advice?
TIA

Hammer

Yeah. Drop the "unless" part for now.

When (and IF) she does a full program. . . . . hold on a second. That is a Mighty Big IF

Let's put it in proportion . . ..


IF she does a full program . . . .

That's better.

So, as you say "unless she does a full program."

Here is today -- you'll have her out. Good for you.

Now FIX YOU FIRST.

peridotbleu

Most definitely! And may I suggest Alanon, if you aren't already attending.

forworse

Thanks. Yes I'm an Al anoner. I need her out. I had a friend try to get her to agree voluntarily but she was blasted when she got there. At least more and more people are seeing her private behavior. The friend's comment was 'holy six year old that needs to go to the principal's office'
Im losing interest in getting her help and in our marriage. Do I really want to deal with this the rest of my life? That's a negative ghost rider. The pattern is full.

forworse

is there any legal way to get her out of the house other than waiting for a judge to decide that shes messed up enough to force treatment? or do i just have to wait for the courts or for her to be drunk, unresponsive and mostly dead again to get her to a hospital?

LexieCat

You said, it's "my own house that I pay for in its entirety." Is her name on the deed? Did you acquire the property during your marriage? If so, she more than likely has as much claim to the house as you do, despite your "paying" for it.

You can file for divorce and ask the court to give you temporary possession of the house. That's about all that comes to mind.

forworse

Thanks, i meant it literally. I purchased the home before we met. I never put her name on it.

The courts would likely see that she has no money and no place to go due to her alcoholism. She has lost everything except me and thats about done too. I am petitioning the court to have her remanded to a treatment facility for evaluation and treatment. I just wanted to know if anyone had any other ideas in Florida to get someone out...other than the marchman act and divorce.

BoxinRotz

Don't know what the Act is. I had AH involuntarily commited for a CT scan of his brain in July because he was drunk and showing signs of a brain bleed. They actually had a judge order it and they took him in handcuffs.

If the house was yours before the marriage and you want a divorce because you are done, I don't see why you couldn't have her evicted. If she doesn't have a job or place to go because she's a drunk then that's her problem isn't it?

dandylion

ROTZ---Really!?---I have never thought of this before, but, could it really be that simple to kick one's spouse to the sidewalk? What a frightening thought. Surely, if it were that simple, there would be hoards of spouses sent to the streets daily.....like, if they persisted in leaving the toilet seat up.

It seems to me that, if this is true, that no one should get married to a homeowner unless the house is put in their name, also. I'll bet that most people are as ignorant as me--and never think about it while they are picking out the wedding colors.

WOW.

dandylion

forworse

That's it! I'm leaving all the seats up at am med call for her and then leaving

BoxinRotz

I was married once to a homeowner before the marriage. I had to leave it all. Heck I'm now married again to a homeowner before the marriage. If AH would want me to walk the plank, I'd have to walk thee plank. Nothing I could do about it. Says the law. It's not marital property.

BoxinRotz

Would it feel or be any different if she was a he? I've had this done to me. It's not pretty or fun so I get the WOW factor in your tone. I could have it done to me again if AH decided to want me OUT so he could drink himself to death. Would he ever do it? I don't think he would but there is always that chance that he would and I would go, just like I had to go on the last one.

dandylion

BOX---I am stunned. And I am so sorry that this happened to you!! How horrible!

I don't think that Jim would do that, though. I think he is too closely attached to you, emotionally. I think he realizes that he needs you even though He doesn't always act like it.

dandylion

BoxinRotz

I don't know how other state laws are but yeah, it was rough. I got NOTHING but the clothes off my back, a dresser, 2 dogs and a Jetta out of my 12 year marriage. I could not get anything from the house and he even got the kids. They were just setting into the teenage years so they chose him over me. He was their buddy. Hence why I am a 35 year old grandmother.

I don't think Jim would do it either. He's told me that I will always have a place and that the house was mine no matter what the law stated but says I'm stuck with him. Or is he stuck with me? I just know that people do it.

Sueski

In NH, the house is considered marital property because we have a "long-term" marriage, regardless of the fact that I bought it as a single woman. It varies by locality.

erics

The Marchman is used for an individual who is intoxicated AND making threats to harm themselves. I don't think it would work unless she was suicidal or harming a vulnerable ( child, disabled, elderly) person she was taking care of.

LexieCat

Wacky as it may sound. . . Have you tried asking her to leave??

FireSprite

I don't know anything about this stuff, but does the Baker Act apply here at all? I know that deals with mental instability but I don't know how or if it crosses over with addiction treatment at all.

DMC

The Baker Act is the Florida law that allows for a 72h psych hold, generally for threats of harm to self or others. It can be instituted by a physician, a psychiatrist, law enforcement, and a few others. It is not supposed to be used for anything other than mental illness (although I run across improper ones frequently, honestly. And I'm in the above category and place people under Baker Acts for their own safety quite frequently.)

The Marchman Act is quite different, comes from a judge, and is generally initiated by families to mandate someone into treatment for substance abuse. I am not as familiar with them, but I see them flit through my world occasionally.

Baker Acts are really only good for 72h, if that. Marchman Acts last much longer. And your best bet may very well be the Marchman Act.



What I personally ended up doing was convincing my now XAH that he needed to go to detox. The only place that would take him was 3h away in Boca Raton, (he'd been one other time and they took our insurance) and once he finally agreed to go "For just 3 days," I threw together a bag and we left before he could change his mind. He was blacked out the whole way there, ranting, and it was horrible. But 3 days became 7, which became 10, which became 60. And then I told him I needed a break and ended up flying him halfway across the country as I'd already moved all his stuff along with his car, back to his parent's home. I filed for divorce 6 months later.

I don't know if that strategy would work with yours, but it did mine, and he blew a .300+... after we'd been on the road for 3 hours. They still took him, maybe because he was still too drunk to say no.

Just my experience, and I wish you the best.

forworse

so i didn't have to get the law involved(again) she just had to fall far enough to where she knew it was detox or a slow painful death. she chose detox and treatment. so i have my sanity back for 33 days. maybe longer. she doesn't want to be this way but shes also lazy and doesn't want to work on anything. she wants a quick fix for everything. the professional's opinion is to lay out the ultimatum that if she slips AGAIN, divorce her and be prepared to do so. itmt, gym, work, shoot, alanon and hang out here. that is all.