Needing support, still going alone....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: la la land
Posts: 196
Needing support, still going alone....
It's been a week since I booted my A husband out and now he's in a different State starting a new job and I haven't talked to him but for five minutes. I was very cold and very stern about NOT putting up with it. I asked if he wanted me and the kids to stay in the house and he said "yes, of course". The children are 4,3,3. I feel very alone by putting him out of my life, almost cruel. I feel I abandoned him but I just can NOT be there again to enable this marriage to go any further with him addicted. We have been married for four years and since my twins were five months old I have kicked him out numerous amounts of time. He has been a part-time father and husband and I am left here to wonder if I will ever have a husband or full time father for my children. I never wanted the fairy tale life but I never asked for this crap either. I am doing what you all told me by taking care of me and the kids and not worrying about him right now but this is really hard. I have kept busy in the last week by painting a bathroom and the sports room and my kitchen cupboards. I am running out of things to paint and I am serious that I am afraid I might start to panick. I have started to comfort eat and that freaks me out. Is this a stage? I think the only thing I can do is sit back and wait for him to make the next steps if he does want this marriage to work. I am very antsy.......What did any of ya'll do while you were waiting for someone to make their minds up? Did any of ya'll have small children during this time? Sorry to bore you all with this stuff. Thanks for being here tho!
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: northern minnesota
Posts: 269
i was where you are now many years ago. he choose his drinking, his "girlfriends", his boat, i choose my kids and my sanity.
over the last 12 years. it has been the same. he still chooses his money, his girlfriends, his boat. i choose my kids and my sanity.
i was where you are now. i refused to wait for him to make the next move. each day is a gift from god to be lived as fully and as close to his ideal for us as we can. you have three small kids, i had two kids under 5 when i decided to go to college and get my degree to teach. i dont regret it a single bit. yet it was tough. but right now...
i have a house, two kids who have turned out wonderfully, self esteem,, sanity, patience, and a house full of love.
he was just booted by the latest ex wife, still drives the same truck he had back then, still has the same boat, the same attitude, and no kids who wish to be near him.
go on with life, go on with living, pursue your dreams for your own sake and your kids. for me going back to school was the highlight of a very dark time. it showed me i was smart, could juggle kids and college, and i met many people who enjoyed being around me for me. what more could i hope for? i was setting myself up for a happy future, and being a great role model to my kids.
good luck.
over the last 12 years. it has been the same. he still chooses his money, his girlfriends, his boat. i choose my kids and my sanity.
i was where you are now. i refused to wait for him to make the next move. each day is a gift from god to be lived as fully and as close to his ideal for us as we can. you have three small kids, i had two kids under 5 when i decided to go to college and get my degree to teach. i dont regret it a single bit. yet it was tough. but right now...
i have a house, two kids who have turned out wonderfully, self esteem,, sanity, patience, and a house full of love.
he was just booted by the latest ex wife, still drives the same truck he had back then, still has the same boat, the same attitude, and no kids who wish to be near him.
go on with life, go on with living, pursue your dreams for your own sake and your kids. for me going back to school was the highlight of a very dark time. it showed me i was smart, could juggle kids and college, and i met many people who enjoyed being around me for me. what more could i hope for? i was setting myself up for a happy future, and being a great role model to my kids.
good luck.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: la la land
Posts: 196
Maybe I could take a class on line or something.hmmmm Good idea. I can't 'go' to school, daycare prices would kill me. I'll check into it tomorrow. I think I've already lost my sanity anyway. hehehe The kids are 4,3,3 remember!!!
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
What a beautiful post quietsins!
Transitions like this are hard and there's nothing to do but live through it. Who said "If you're going through hell, keep going." ? It gets better.
Hugs,
Smoke
Transitions like this are hard and there's nothing to do but live through it. Who said "If you're going through hell, keep going." ? It gets better.
Hugs,
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: northern minnesota
Posts: 269
there is lot of financial aid for single parents. big time. they want to see you succeed too. and as for sanity...lol i enjoyed college because ever time i heard "big people" talk..i didnt find myself with that sing song little kids voice. i was an adult for a few hours a day. good luck
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Each time I read a post like yours..this is my thought...
What strength these people have to do what is best for their spouse.
In the bible there is a verse that tells of sending them out into the world. The purpose is so they may see the light of day when they need deal with the world themself. See what they are missing out on and that could be what brings the needed changes. He will change when he wants to change.
You are correct in taking care of you. I have 4 children (all grown now) and have always wondered what twins would be like. A handful but twice the joy as well.
Read to them, teach them, make there day a day of joy and I am sure that will fill many a hour. Look for the smiles you can bring them as you mold and teach their young minds.
God Bless you for sure.
What strength these people have to do what is best for their spouse.
In the bible there is a verse that tells of sending them out into the world. The purpose is so they may see the light of day when they need deal with the world themself. See what they are missing out on and that could be what brings the needed changes. He will change when he wants to change.
You are correct in taking care of you. I have 4 children (all grown now) and have always wondered what twins would be like. A handful but twice the joy as well.
Read to them, teach them, make there day a day of joy and I am sure that will fill many a hour. Look for the smiles you can bring them as you mold and teach their young minds.
God Bless you for sure.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: la la land
Posts: 196
Well, Legally I am not a 'single' parent and my AH makes too much money on paper but I'm sure I can figure something out. I know what you mean about hearing adults talk! My friends get annoyed cause when I am on the phone I don't shut up. lol And.....I could not tell you who sings what songs on the radio but I do know all the lyrics to Veggie Tales and all the Disney Movies. By the way we went and seen Shrek II and it was hilarious.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Tucson Arizona
Posts: 28
Dear Atikyn,
I am going through a similar situation myself
in that I have decided to stop waiting for
him to decide. I have been waiting for him
to decide for 4 years... I have a 3 year old
and am about to have another.
I feel scared and abandoned myself even
tho' I was the one who did the abadoning...
I feel his sorrow. I feel my sorrow.
I am going through a similar situation myself
in that I have decided to stop waiting for
him to decide. I have been waiting for him
to decide for 4 years... I have a 3 year old
and am about to have another.
I feel scared and abandoned myself even
tho' I was the one who did the abadoning...
I feel his sorrow. I feel my sorrow.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
on my own too
I chose sanity over the life my AH was offering me too.
My daughter is 10 and was his stepdaughter. He and I were together since she was 5. But we never became the family he and used to talk about us being. He was way better at the words than at actually doing it. The drinking always took him away from all those good intentions.
I focused on him so much that I was losing focus on my daughter. She is such a good child that she seemed to actually need me less.
How insane does that sound now?
My daughter is 10 and was his stepdaughter. He and I were together since she was 5. But we never became the family he and used to talk about us being. He was way better at the words than at actually doing it. The drinking always took him away from all those good intentions.
I focused on him so much that I was losing focus on my daughter. She is such a good child that she seemed to actually need me less.
How insane does that sound now?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: la la land
Posts: 196
You guys crack me up! I go tomorrow to a college to find out about a Criminal Justice program and financial aide! Then I am going to go to Children and Families and see if I can get aide for daycare. I hate going through the 'system' but I guess that's what it's there for. It's funny when you set your mind off of the alcoholic and onto yourself what you can do. I love that man and wish him the very best but I am going to use my wings to fly instead of carrying him, that load got to heavy.
I am going to the store tomorrow for some "comfort" salad. hehehe and Ngaire when you feel like painting a house again you can come here. lol Thanks for being here and lifting my spirits, I look forward to loggin in.
I am going to the store tomorrow for some "comfort" salad. hehehe and Ngaire when you feel like painting a house again you can come here. lol Thanks for being here and lifting my spirits, I look forward to loggin in.
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