cbsmith

Hey guys, so I'm new to recovery and AA and just came from a weekly meeting I've been going to for the last 6 months- I really enjoy it and the people in the meeting. Today when it was my turn to share (we go around the room) I wanted to share an email I wrote to my friend last night which talks about a brain injury I had in September and how grateful I am to my angelic mother and how sorry I am that it was my cocaine addiction which caused this brain injury and how I believe God is working through people, specifically my mother. well, as we all know, it's kind of monotonous to listen to someone read an email aloud, and after about 5 minutes the woman chairing the meeting said they had to move on in order to make sure everyone had time to speak. It was a completely understandable thing to do and insured that the meeting finished on on time and everyone had chance to share. that said, i have carried with me this sour feeling of embarrassment all morning, that i was just droning on - and i'm worried i'll have a hard time returning to that meeting. Granted this is a much healthier regret than the types i had when i was drinking and drugging. I guess my question is how do you let go of the little things that come up in life now that you're sober? Posting this helped get this out of my head a bit and I appreciate you reading.

brian

tabasco

I think everyone is entitled to one or lengthy shares. Some are boring, others are amazing. No one minds, and I think a gentle reminder is good for everyone. I expect at least were disappointed they didnt quite hear the end. I had an entertaining share today from an ex hobo travelling the Trains of the UK. And a bank robber last week, you just never know how much you learn from being open and honest.

jaynie04

Hi CBS. My reaction is good for you that you are having the clarity first of all to think about sharing something that is important to you in a meeting and second of all for identifying how you are feeling subsequently. Don't be embarrassed. I am sure that a lot of people who are sober through AA here will talk about the fact that different meetings have different structures.

I think sharing about the feeling that you left with is important. It's that negative internal dialogue of failing that keeps us stuck. There will likely be a time soon when you see a newcomer have the same reaction and are able to engage that person afterwards because you remember and identify with what you are feeling now. My guess is that you wouldn't judge a stranger as harshly as you are judging yourself. Instead see this as a moment of huge growth..."oh I don't feel good about something (even though you did absolutely nothing wrong), I am concerned that I took too much time, (you were emotionally invested in what you were sharing), and I normally would use when I was feeling like this (but I am not because I know what I am doing is way more important than a self generated criticism).

Give yourself a hug......you are a wonderful work in progress!

Mentium

Please don't feel embarrassed or beat yourself up - or for that matter think you did anything wrong. There can be huge drama at some meetings (I have seen it a couple of times) and then there can be times the chair has to move things along because of time. It is par for the course. It isn't anything personal. Please don't let yourself obsess over it.

My experience is that AA groups always welcome you back!

..and I say that as someone who has mixed feelings about AA.

cbsmith

Thanks for your responses guys, you're making a lot of sense and i know i need to just let this float off my back. i'm really loving AA and don't want to have negative associations with it because i know how important it is for me.

DylanS

Hi Brian,

I had a similar experience recently. The meeting, which used to be meditation, then open sharing, had changed to step discussion. For an entire freaking month they share on one step. Well, I didn't realize, so I shared my experience of something related to powerlessness and there was this silence...then everyone else shared on the 9th step. Ergh. I felt like a first grader on a field trip to high school.

I've been in meetings where I was intrigued by what someone was sharing and yet they were kind of cut off to move on. We had an out of town visitor at a meeting recently who didn't realize that meetings here are only an hour (they're 90 minutes in CA where the guy was from) and the chair interrupted to close the meeting. Probably an 'ergh' moment for him, I bet. It'll pass - it happens to most at one time or another.

Just a thought, but at the next week's meeting you could make it a joke: when the sharing comes to you, you can say, "I want to finish my frigging story from last week!" Heh heh.

I doubt anyone will remember the incident next week, except you. Really.

I'm inspired that you didn't internalize it - but just felt what happened for you, and shared it, rather than letting it twist into resentment inside. Kudos.

heath480

Good news that you are loving the fellowship.

No need to feel embarrassed,I think it is great that your meeting goes around the room and gives everyone the chance to share.

Congratulations on your sober time.

wakko

I always make a mental note of how many people there are past me and how much time there is left. If there is time to talk I will if there was something to talk about. If.not I'll keep it short and sweet. You likely are the only person that is worried about the fact that you think you talked to long. I doubt there is any one that goes to AA that has not wondered if they talked too long from time to time. Don't worry about it you were speaking from your heart and just be mindful of the next time.

BadCompany

You need to understand that it is not all about you. One of the most destructive things we alcoholics do is we turn the microscope on ourselves, nitpicking every little abberation, no matter how small and drive ourselves mad. i'd bet the feeling you have is that everyone else in the room is now on the phone with each other "gee did you notice how long that dingaling droned on?'... even though we know that is the silliest possible thing, that feeling still nags us.

Deliberately let it go and deliberately go back to the same meeting. Turn off the microscope.

firstymer

Hi, Brian. I am new to SR and new to sobriety. After my first few days here, I posted a message that I thought was helpful. Others didn't. And a few told me as much. It was embarrassing. And a little hurtful. But the feeling passed. 1 week or so later, I am over it. Given the unbelievable amount of support that I have received from SR (and you from AA), I think we are best to just let it go and focus on the positive. (But if any SR people disagree with me, please do so gently - Haha)