animalnurse9

I really screwed up. Was sober for months, was happy have a great new job and fantastic relationship that has been amazing.then I decided I could have a few with my partner, then I was craving and drinking secretly, I had mood swings and for the first time we starting arguing. Then last night drank one bottle of wine, picked a fight and made it a doozy, downed a second bottle and txt him nasty things all night, and now he thinks I'm nuts.im an idiot. I've destroyed the best thing that's ever happened to me.he doesn't think alcohol is an excuse for how people behave and he's right. I'm the idiot that did it. I can't believe how bad my mood swings got when I started even casually drinking! I'm a mess

ImperfectlyMe

Hey animalnurse, I'm glad you're back, I remember you from when I was first starting out at SR.
Try not to treat yourself like a piñata your down already no need for anymore swings! You can reroute the path your on. Have you shared you past struggles/sobriety with the boyfriend?

If nothing else comes of this but cementing your desire to remain 100% sober well than I call it a success.

As far as the BF goes give him a little space to digest. Then a heart to heart when he's ready. Your still the same person he fell in love with you just stopped loving you.... Not HIM
Best wishes chin up

Fandy

i used to use my drinking to enhance my slight bad moods, it was like opening the flood gates to full blown anger/crazy behavior....your not alone there.
i hope you decide to get back your sobriety..because all is not lost, it's made you see how your entire life is dragged down by booze...and that is not who we are.

MythOfSisyphus

I'm sorry to hear you hit a bad stretch, animalnurse9. Hopefully you can use it as motivation to come back stronger than before. Who knows, maybe if you explain things to your BF he might be understanding.

not2late

Sounds to me like it's come down to boyfriend or booze. It sounds like you have a great life. I had to come to terms that I can't have even one. I don't like it and I'm jealous of those that can have 1 glass of wine with a nice meal. I'm also jealous of those that don't have to wear glasses or have big boobs..but it is what it is. Try to explain that you have a problem with the stuff and what comes out of your mouth when you are drunk is pure crap. Good luck and please keep us updated. My best to you.

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instant

Cant't be changed but can be a learning experience, make use of it- i think beating ypurself up is a waste of energy. Take care. You did well you can again

resolute50

"he doesn't think alcohol is an excuse for how people behave and he's right"

No,he is VERY wrong.
It would be foolish for anybody to say that I act the same straight as I do when I'm plastered.Who does?

Nuudawn

I get your point Resolute but it's a reason for the behaviour not an excuse. We do not excuse people who kill others by car or a shotgun..because they were drinking.

Her boyfriend should not excuse the behaviour but he could certainly forgive and support her efforts to get back to good (being sobriety of course) if she is honest and real about the situation.

serious

once you have some time to "settle" this relapse... please try to be open an honest with him. you are going through a real struggle... you need as much support as you can get.
if he doesn't get it. he many not be the best partner for you.

we cannot drink casually anymore. because that one glass of wine will eventually turn into a horrible mess.

p.s. to me the longer i stay sober, the more of mess my relapse becomes. it's like i'm trying to catch-up with my drinking to "cover" all the sober time i've had.

soberclover

I was an emotional monster when I drank too. Now that I'm sober I still have emotions but I'm much more in control of them. Glad you are back!!

happyhour

don't get confused between "i am an idiot" with "i act like an idiot (when you drink)" they are very different.

today's a new day, and a good day to make honest amends, and move forward.

BikerAcct

I'm sorry this happened to you AnimalNurse. But welcome back, we are here for you. Start fresh today, all any of us can do, is move forward.

Leshar

Hi Animalnurse,

It's sounds like you're going through a sad and difficult time.

I wonder, it's just a thought, if there are some issues in what you've described as a "fantastic relationship" that you found expression of in your recent use of alcohol, "in vino veritas" and all that, you know? Notwithstanding that many of us, myself most definitely for one, can become horribly mean when drunk, and I consider myself to be a good person. You know, just stuff on your mind that may be hard to talk to him about?

But when I got nasty with my ex boyfriend, texting him (still in the relationship at the time) after drinking, it was about stuff that caused me to be resentful of him, things that I was afraid to bring up with him when I hadn't been drinking.

I do hope that you'll weather this storm with your boyfriend, and that you will once again gain solid ground in your sobriety.
Wishing you a happy outcome with this issue in your relationship, all the best.

Kaneda8888

...it is not normal behaviour, it is an addiction that takes time to overcome. Non-alcoholics generally don't understand that. My partner doesn't understand that. One needs to gently educate them that it is an addiction and not a wilful act. If you had a fatal allergy to peanuts and then went and ate peanuts, would that be normal behaviour ? Of course not unless you were addicted to peanuts. Its the same with alcohol. We are addicted and our drinking is not a rational choice.

Stopping ourselves from drinking is a wilful act and that is what needs to be supported.

Take it easy !

CaiHong

The boyfriend debacle is secondary to what is really the most important issue, your drinking. People who are not alcoholic don't really understand, they think drinking too much is a bad habit, like biting your nails.
I like the reference to the piñata LOL, it's done now get back on the wagon.

All the best
caiHong

Toomutch

I understand all about that angry crazed person that emerges as a result of getting drunk. About 2 weeks ago my boyfriend almost called it quits with me because of the way I treated him one night when I had gotten drunk.
Once he cooled off we were able to talk and although he will never accept that it was the alcohol talking, he has forgiven me.

If the 2 of you are meant to be, your boyfriend will eventually forgive you.

Quit for you first and others 2nd though. If you are becoming sober for someone else it usually won't last.

Carlotta

Amen!
As far as the boyfriend goes, he is doing EXACTLY what we would advise him to do if he had posted in the friends and family forum. It sounds like it is a fairly new relationship and he is cutting his losses before he gets entangled in the madness of being with an active alcoholic who is also emotionally and verbally abusive when drunk. Smart man.



















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animalnurse9

Thanks everyone for your help, advice and support. Its late on day two post fall out and I'm STILL hung over!!! Emotionally and physically. Its my first weekend without him and I'll b trying my hardest to stay sober and in control. I hate what I did. He wants to stay together but to get more space. I feel like I'm being punished. Maybe I am or I'm not or I deserve it or I don't, but either way that's how I feel. Feel so alone in this, too ashamed to tell my mum who used to b my support because she will b so disappointed and mad with me. So sad

Hevyn

Your signature line can still come true animalnurse.

I did the same thing many times, but I finally - deep down - realized I could never touch it again. All attempts at having 'a few' led to danger and an unpredictable ending. It's never going to be fun or relaxing again for us. I think you realize that now. You learned something valuable - and you are back to continue on your journey. We're with you.

ImperfectlyMe

Maybe a talk with mom is a good idea. Feeling safe with your mom is one if the most amazing feelings. She might likely be more disappointed and worried than mad. She may be the very support you need right now. I'm a mom I know if one of my girls were in your shoes all I'd want to do is scoop them up and help them get through this.