30 days...something is working this time but...
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
30 days...something is working this time but...
Less of struggle this time around doesn’t mean that it didn’t take a ginormous struggle to get here. I’m not naive enough to think that I’ve suddenly become a sober soldier for the rest of my life and that there aren’t going to be hours or days or worse of indecision, cravings, self-pity, anger and all the throes we addicts suffer through when we don’t do that which our Beast demands.
That said, this time around, not drinking, has been easier for me in ways. I still urge surf here and there. But what were, very recently, experiences of deep-belly want/need have become passing pangs – like the thoughts of a lost old friend or memories of a summer vacation. I don’t know if it’s just acceptance that I’ve been granted – I say “granted” because although I’ve worked hard for this, in a way it feels like a switch has flipped without my doing. Maybe it’s the meditation practice that I’ve taken up in a very committed way. Maybe it’s just growing up and the putting away of childish things.
I was born in the spring, I partied in the summer and now it’s fall. I’m a man. I’m a father and a husband. I walk with my head up. I chase the end of full days, not the empty bottom of bottles. Things are not always exuberant, they aren’t always thrilling. But here I am. I look good, I smell like quality aftershave.
And so finally, I want to say for those of us struggling out there – and for my future self when he loses this thread of sober solace – that a different path, better, more solid, lacking the terrible anxiety and shame, just as sweet with the good stuff of life, is there for us.
That said, this time around, not drinking, has been easier for me in ways. I still urge surf here and there. But what were, very recently, experiences of deep-belly want/need have become passing pangs – like the thoughts of a lost old friend or memories of a summer vacation. I don’t know if it’s just acceptance that I’ve been granted – I say “granted” because although I’ve worked hard for this, in a way it feels like a switch has flipped without my doing. Maybe it’s the meditation practice that I’ve taken up in a very committed way. Maybe it’s just growing up and the putting away of childish things.
I was born in the spring, I partied in the summer and now it’s fall. I’m a man. I’m a father and a husband. I walk with my head up. I chase the end of full days, not the empty bottom of bottles. Things are not always exuberant, they aren’t always thrilling. But here I am. I look good, I smell like quality aftershave.
And so finally, I want to say for those of us struggling out there – and for my future self when he loses this thread of sober solace – that a different path, better, more solid, lacking the terrible anxiety and shame, just as sweet with the good stuff of life, is there for us.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 544
Originally Posted by lessgravity 
I was born in the spring, I partied in the summer and now it’s fall. I’m a man. I’m a father and a husband. I walk with my head up. I chase the end of full days, not the empty bottom of bottles. Things are not always exuberant, they aren’t always thrilling. But here I am. I look good.
Do!, or Do not...there is no "try."
-Master Yoda.
Good luck and God Bless
Sober since March 21, 2013
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 262
I feel the same way about a "switch being flipped." Can't explain it, but when I quit this last time I have absolutely NO desire to drink.
Did not do anything different, but something FEELS different inside this time.
Some of my friends still drink. It does not bother me being around alcohol, and it does not concern anyone that I don't drink.
Drinking just stopped being of any importance in my life.
I give thanks to my Higher Power. Don't really know what that is, but it is the only way I can explain recovery from over 40 years of alcohol abuse.
Congratulations on 30 days lessgravity!
I
Did not do anything different, but something FEELS different inside this time.
Some of my friends still drink. It does not bother me being around alcohol, and it does not concern anyone that I don't drink.
Drinking just stopped being of any importance in my life.
I give thanks to my Higher Power. Don't really know what that is, but it is the only way I can explain recovery from over 40 years of alcohol abuse.
Congratulations on 30 days lessgravity!
I
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 20
Very well stated and congrats.
It's only been a few days for me, but this time also feels a bit easier for some reason. Like you all, I know there will be struggles ahead, but I feel more focused on doing the right thing for ME. I love the way I've felt lately. That and the thought of the extra money I will have to live life has motivated me so much.
It's only been a few days for me, but this time also feels a bit easier for some reason. Like you all, I know there will be struggles ahead, but I feel more focused on doing the right thing for ME. I love the way I've felt lately. That and the thought of the extra money I will have to live life has motivated me so much.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: minnesota
Posts: 66
Great post--i am day 27 and feel somewhat the same--like i never saw this for what it was before. I feel i can be the same fun person but sober. I know this is not the end, but right now it feels right
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
'I was born in the spring, I partied in the summer and now it’s fall. I’m a man. I’m a father and a husband. I walk with my head up. I chase the end of full days, not the empty bottom of bottles. Things are not always exuberant, they aren’t always thrilling. But here I am. I look good, I smell like quality aftershave.'
This is fabulous! I like your writing style, it's lovely! It paints a picture of a humble man, pursuing quiet nobility and enjoying the benefits of humility and dignity. Someone who finally understood for themselves the negative promises of the bottle. Someone who is CHOOSING to be present and to absorb this beautiful and crazy life, sober.
Thank you!
Best,
Melina
This is fabulous! I like your writing style, it's lovely! It paints a picture of a humble man, pursuing quiet nobility and enjoying the benefits of humility and dignity. Someone who finally understood for themselves the negative promises of the bottle. Someone who is CHOOSING to be present and to absorb this beautiful and crazy life, sober.
Thank you!
Best,
Melina
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Well said, LessGravity. I'm nearing the year mark of sobriety and things are definitely different. The part of me that had given up hope is gone, and I can't clearly remember the feeling of quiet desperation that drive me to find SR. But it's not just the fear that drives me forward. Fear was enough at first, and I'm lucky for it. Now I've moved beyond fear to real hope. I can see some of my life goals coming into sharper focus now. I realize I will be capable of achieving them now.
I too had a lot fun with alcohol as my wing man. I'm ready to now to put away the childish things, too, and live an adult life. Finally.
I too had a lot fun with alcohol as my wing man. I'm ready to now to put away the childish things, too, and live an adult life. Finally.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: TN
Posts: 58
Love your quote, it is how I'm trying to live my life now. I've been away from this site for a week or so, not because of booze but because I am having full days. Sunday is going to be my day 30! Last time when I quit for a year (2009-2010) I seemed to have a lot more trouble than this time. Thought about drinking a lot back then, this time I do think about it but not the same way.
Last night I was thinking that my life may be half over (I'm early 40s) at this point. I had a really really good first 17 years, then the alcohol took about half my days for about 20+ years. I'm not going to give up half my next (hopefully) 40+.
Last night I was thinking that my life may be half over (I'm early 40s) at this point. I had a really really good first 17 years, then the alcohol took about half my days for about 20+ years. I'm not going to give up half my next (hopefully) 40+.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Dear self...
And so finally, I want to say for those of us struggling out there – and for my future self when he loses this thread of sober solace – that a different path, better, more solid, lacking the terrible anxiety and shame, just as sweet with the good stuff of life, is there for us.
And so finally, I want to say for those of us struggling out there – and for my future self when he loses this thread of sober solace – that a different path, better, more solid, lacking the terrible anxiety and shame, just as sweet with the good stuff of life, is there for us.
aka Nesty
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northern Vt.
Posts: 1,554
Wonderful way to put words . Enjoyed the read very much
I joined SR looking for Inspiration - Words of encouragement . I found that & much more . I feel at peace finally .
Aww the smell of a Freshly shaven Man . Brings back memories of my Dad . Thank you !!
I joined SR looking for Inspiration - Words of encouragement . I found that & much more . I feel at peace finally .
Aww the smell of a Freshly shaven Man . Brings back memories of my Dad . Thank you !!
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by lessgravity
Actually I'm deep in the jaws of the beast. This was a post I put up almost two years ago. Trying to get a grip.
You can do this, you are worth it. Is there anything you can do differently this time? Keep at it.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
Lessgravity, I didn't see the date on your original post until I got to the last comments. It was like a gut punch to see you state that you are in the throes of the beast. You CAN get back to where you were two years ago. Being here and posting is a big step. Take it one day at a time. I had three and a half months sober and i was so energized about it for the first two months. But my AV kept getting louder and louder and I relapsed two weeks ago. I know that I don't want to drink but it's so hard this time. I'm not enthusiastic about it. I'm borderline hopeful. But I'm here and trying bc I know in my heart that staying sober is the only path forward in my life. Sending you strength to overcome this.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Originally Posted by SwimKim12
Lessgravity, I didn't see the date on your original post until I got to the last comments. It was like a gut punch to see you state that you are in the throes of the beast. You CAN get back to where you were two years ago. Being here and posting is a big step. Take it one day at a time. I had three and a half months sober and i was so energized about it for the first two months. But my AV kept getting louder and louder and I relapsed two weeks ago. I know that I don't want to drink but it's so hard this time. I'm not enthusiastic about it. I'm borderline hopeful. But I'm here and trying bc I know in my heart that staying sober is the only path forward in my life. Sending you strength to overcome this.
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