Newtothis82

Hi....

I just started dating a great guy and we have gotten close very fast. I just found out he was a recovering alcoholic last Friday when he told me he relapse about 2 weeks ago. I started noticing a few weird things, like him getting sick and not able to spend as much time together as we have been. Come to find out, this was all a cover-up since he was drunk. Last Friday he admitted everything to me and told me he didn't want to tell me about his pass since he was scared I would run away. He truly thought he had everything under control until 2 weeks ago. At this moment he is in a 5 day detox program and once he is released he says he wants to do an IOP, he has been in rehab twice since this started 4 years ago

I care for this guy very much, but do not have a clue what I am getting myself into. A lot of my friends have told me to walk away from him, but I can too much. He has told both myself and his family that he is going to get it right this time.

Since I have never dealt with anything like this I am not sure what to do:

1. Should I stay with him?
2. If I do, what do I need to do and not do to be supportive and help, not hinder his progress (FYI - I hardly drink, so that I am not worried about)

Please help!!!!!

FourSeasons

Hello, Newtothis82 --

You may want to read and post your question in Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I think you will find the most support in this forum.

Best wishes to you!

happyhour

the first and only priority is that he remain sober, and that takes almost everything we have to accomplish, i am not saying to give up on him, you just need to understand that, early on, his whole existence needs to be focused on recovery, and for some boyfriend/girlfriends, they feel there is nothing left for them and the relationship suffers.

i hope it works, we are here and understand what you are going through you should continue to check in, a lot of people here have been through what you are experiencing and they are a good support.

Dee74

Hi newtothis
it's very hard for us, who don't know you or your boyfriend, to give you that kind of advice.

I think your friends are probably giving you good general advice - particularly if things have moved a little fast to this point - it sounds like this is a pretty new relationship?

if you choose to stay it may be a very difficult road.

I hope you'll also take a look at our Family and Friends forums here too

D

longbeachone

This is a decision that you are going to have to make for yourself. Some of us will say "Run for the hills!", and then again, some will say "Good for you for sticking around". The only thing I can say is this: Your friend is going to need a lot of space and time if he wants to recover from alcoholism, which he needs to do for himself. Just try to stay out of the way of his recovery.

Check out the friends and family forum on this website for better information about supporting the alcoholic.

nettles

It's up to you, of course...however, being an alcoholic myself, I have to wonder how truthful he's being with you. He may have very little sober time put together in the last four years.

At any rate, it sounds like he needs to focus on his recovery, not a new relationship. He's not the best person he can be right now.

Whatever you choose, good luck.