notreallysure

Has anyone out there had to not invite a sibling or close family member to their wedding or other big event because of how they would potentially behave? I am getting married next year and am really struggling with not inviting my brother (opiate addict/alcoholic). The pros of him going definitely don't outweigh the cons but I still feel terrible.

amy55

I was never in that position, I was put in a different position. It was my sisters wedding. Her husbands brother was an addict. They paired us up together. I was supposed to watch him, and report to them if he started using, they had it set up for someone to get him out of there if he did.

Well he did use, I told, he was quietly removed.

That is what they did, I don't know what to tell you about what you should do.

Edited to add. -- this was early 80's really big drug scene back then. So this is no advice really. Just remembering what I had to do

NWGRITS

I think it depends. I personally wouldn't invite him, because I wouldn't want to risk a problem. You could do what Amy's family did, but do you want to saddle someone with the task of babysitting him? Your wedding day is about the two of you, and celebrating it with people who care about you and want to wish you happiness and joy in your new life together. I would sit down and hash it out, but don't feel guilty if you decide to not invite him.

Springs

We invited the active As to our wedding (this was before I knew about my husband's problem of course). We decided to only serve wine and beer not hard liquor. Not that it stopped anyone, but it did slow them down considerably, and everyone behaved just fine, and it was a beyond amazing night.

notreallysure

Thank you. I really dont want to make my brother someone's burden even for just a night. He is a big guy anyway. I know wishing it won't make it happen but I wish so bad that I just had a normal brother!! I told him I would love for him to be there but he has to be sober for at least 2 months and his response was "i dont do drugs" so...that's as far as I got.

NWGRITS

I told my AM that she had to be on her best behavior at my wedding, and she said she would be. No denying it, just saying she'd behave. And she did. With your brother even denying he has a problem... ehhh... gosh, family can be so complicated sometimes. I really don't want to steer you either way because this is a big occasion and a big decision. I just wish you the best with whatever you decide.

amy55

So you have about a year to decide. Do not include him in your wedding party. You can't count on him. You can change the number of guests you have at the wedding about at least 3 days ahead of time.

The worst thing that can happen is if you include him as a guest, and get stuck paying for him

notreallysure

yea i think im going to just keep reminding him of what i would like from him and hope he sobers up before then. I'm worried about what he is going to do the night of my wedding when he isn't there and knows he isnt included. He doesn't see it as his behavior he sees it as everyone else is against him. He likes to play the victim quite a bit and when he feels like people don't care about him he threatens killing himself or doing stupid things. Gahhh

amy55

Hey not so sure, It is Your wedding. It isn't about him. Just ignore everything about that. Invite him, ............ he comes there **** faced, have him removed.


Congrats on your wedding. Just concentrate on your fiance. Nothing else matters.

Thanks for finding us, sorry that you had to. We are here to support you. We are all the BTDT, got the T shirt group.

Just keep coming back. It was really nice to meet you tonight.

notreallysure

I appreciate it. It's nice to know that I'm not crazy or a bad person for thinking the way that I do. Maybe soon I will get all these abbreviations. haha

amy55

I think I only use BTDT. Been there done that. I think there is actually a sticky up above that does translate the acronyms.

Just don't worry, stay here with us. We really are a fun group !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lulu39

My XAH was the best man at his A brother's (my ABIL) wedding to A brother's newest codie enabler, I think she is also an A (my ASIL), a few years ago.

ABIL and ASIL warned ME to behave at their wedding. I guess what they meant by that was I wasn't to cause any scenes dealing with their drunken brother/my drunken husband, so I didn't. While ABIL and ASIL were making their wedding speeches AXH sat in front of ASIL's daughter and drunkenly slagged off the bride, the groom, his mother, his mother's husband, the bride's family and children, the groom's ex wife and probably Princess Diana and her children too - basically the world.

I tried to stop him by pinching his arm. My pinch got harder and harder, he didn't stop. I pinched his inner arm, HARD, he kept going. Eventually one of their drunken friends dragged him outside to stop him (and propositioned him), so the speeches were not entirely ruined.

When it was time to leave, I couldn't find AXH. Eventually, my 12 year old son found him blacked out and asleep on the floor of the disabled bathroom.

Such a fun night!

Alcoholics are such fun at weddings. I'm thinking about starting a business where I can hire some of mine out There must be plenty of brides and grooms without a drunken relative to make a spectacle out of themselves at their nuptials.