LivingFree52

I don't know why I'm writing this. I usually keep things to myself because I know people have their own problems and I don't want to trouble them with my own. Maybe I just need to vent out my frustrations.

I live in the house Mom and I bought back in 2006. She was 86 at the time. Prior to that I was living an hour north of here and was renting a home right on the Chesapeake Bay. It's a very small town and being a waterfront community it was a very friendly tight knit group of people. Everyone knew each other. We had community picnics and people would wave and stop to chat as they walked along the bulkhead on the water. I loved living there and life was good. Unfortunately my landlady died and I was forced to move.. hence Mom and I buying this house.

Everything was fine for awhile. I was working as a web designer and telecommuted from home. The plan was that I'd take in more freelance work and mom would move into her own little apartment and I'd rent the two bedrooms out. Well, things don't always work out as planned. I was laid off from my job in 2007 due to the economy crash and because of my age and living so far from the DC/Baltimore area I wasn't able to find work. So Mom and I lived off her Navy Annuity and Social Security.

Fast forward... Mom passed away in August 2011. I was devastated to say the least and that's when my heavy drinking really kicked in. I was able to keep going because of unemployment and rented the other room out. It took me months to clear out Mom's room but little by little I did and rented that room out as well. Unemployment ran out so I'm dependent on that income to survive which drives me batty. Being almost 61 there's no way I could get any kind of decent job that I could live off of.

Most of my roommates have been males who work at the Patuxent Naval Air Base which is a mile from where I live. Works out great because the majority of them work here during the week and visit their families in Virginia over the weekend.

Well, my one roommie who's been here for 9 months gave me notice August 30th that Sept. 13 will be his last day because he'll be going out of the area for additional training. Panick sets in... but I was like, I can handle this and immediately placed an ad on craigslist. Then, this past Friday my other roommie says his last day will be the 20th! First thing I did was update the ad on craigslist. This is the first time I've had both rooms available to rent and I panicked big time! Immediately I wanted a drink. Thank god I don't have any liquor in the house. I kept thinking to myself what good would that do. It won't solve anything so I resisted that damn AV inside my head.

I have 3 brothers who never call me to see how things are going. Since Mom's funeral none of my relatives have contacted me either. I feel like an orphan. If it weren't for my 3 cats I don't know where I'd be. I wish I could afford to drive up to see my friends where I use to live. Everytime I go up there it's like going home.

Late last night I needed someone to talk to. No one was in the chat here so I went into another alcohol recovery chat room and told them of my dilemma and basically all they said was get a job! I wanted to scream! How could they be so callous and show no compassion. I'm still very fragile in my recovery even at 56 days of sobriety.

I am doing the best I can to stay in the moment and not think too far ahead because I know this can all change in a blink of an eye and someone "upstairs" has alway looked over me.

Anyways, thanks for taking the time and reading through this long post.

Rhiannon

P.S. Other than this depression and financial stress I'm feeling fine and doing my best to keep the faith.

Lightning Bug

Do you own the house outright now? Maybe put it on the market and downsize back to the community you loved?

Good job not picking up a drink. Keep it up!

LivingFree52

earthsteps,

My name is on the deed but not on the loan and no, I don't own the house outright. Mom and I were victims of predatory lending. Who in their right mind would give an 86 year old woman a 30 year loan?? Anyway, the house is underwater BIG time so no way I could put it on the market. I'd walk away from it but I literally have no where to go. I haven't been able to pay the mortgage since Mom passed but from what I've read and after looking over the deed this house is so tied up in fraud (including MERS being in the deed) that who knows who actually holds the loan especially after it being securitized so many times.

least

I hope you can solve this dilemma and find some peace in your life.

Uninvited

You haven't paid the mortgage since 2011 and they haven't foreclosed?

LivingFree52

Nope... and I'm not going anywhere.

choublak

Have you contacted them?

LivingFree52

I've called my brothers a few times. My two older brothers pretty much keep to themselves and their families understandably. I'm closest with my youngest brother and rarely speak to him as well. I called my Mom's sister and niece once but they didn't have much to say to me so I just let them be. Don't know what I'd say to them at this point.

ZeldaFan

I'm sorry to hear about your situation but I'm glad that you are 56 days sober and you stayed strong while being tested by the ugly AV. What kind of cats do you have?

LivingFree52

Thanks Zelda. I had seven but am down to three. My avatar is Pearl. She's 12 years old. Then there's Sunne-Bunne who's a 17 year old Abyssinian, and Missy-Mouse who's a grey tabby. She's 13.

longbeachone

I'm so sorry that things are so tough for you. First and foremost your sobriety is everything. It's the oxygen mask you put on when the planes in trouble. Next, don't you think it's time that you contacted your brothers and asked for some help? Sometimes you've got to swallow your pride a bit and just make the hard call. Just put it out there. If they can't or won't, you haven't lost much, since you already think they don't care.

I have no idea about real estate, but your answer about your house made me laugh! Show some of that spirit in the rest of your life! All I can tell you is to try to stop worrying...it's the most useless emotion in the world.

LivingFree52

Thanks for that longbeach. And yes, I agree, my sobriety is my first priority and I'm keeping that oxygen mask on. I've spoken to my brothers in the past about helping me but they basically said no, especially my oldest brother. If push came to shove I'd call again but not until I desparately needed their help.

LOL about your comment about what I said about this house! BankOfA can stick it where the sun don't shine!

And yep, I know about worrying. It just compounds the situation.

Anna

I hope you find a way to work out the financial issues with your house.

LivingFree52

I will Anna. I believe in miracles!

ZeldaFan

Cats can be such great company. I only have one, a grey tabby with white markings who is about 10, and he is my little buddy. Always there when I need him

LivingFree52

Just had a guy email me saying he'd like to rent the first available room. He's single and works in construction. He sounds desparate to me. Just emailed him asking about his current living situation. I have bells going off in my head. I prefer renting to guys working at the base. Have another guy coming tomorrow who does work there.

foolsgold66

Sorry to hear about your troubles but glad you have stayed sober. You might try looking for work again, the IT world is not down like it was then, there's quite a few jobs available.

LivingFree52

Appreciate the feedback but with me being almost 61 and out of the job market for so long I'm not that "employable". That and most of the IT jobs are about 2 hours plus north of me.