O/T My week, or at least the last few days
O/T My week, or at least the last few days
I knew there was going to be a 70th birthday party for my cousin, just didn't know when, where or what time. My mom kept telling me to call and find out, I told her that if they wanted me to come, then I should be invited. Found out no invites were sent out, a cousin called me to tell me that it was at 2 on Saturday, and that she had told people at a baby shower the week before, and that no presents, just make a dish and bring that.
OK, fine with that, but then I remember my daughter (the drama queen) wasn't at the baby shower either, so I call her to tell her where, when and the time. I know I didn't have to do this, but for people who haven't followed my story, this daughter of mine had filed an RO against me, and I am just trying to keep the peace. Doing the best that I can for my mother.
So when I called my daughter she wants to go shopping to get a birthday present, I tell her we don't have to do that, this cousin is a millionaire, just come and bring a dish or snacks. But no, she can't do this, she has to call my sister and have a 3 way conversation of what she (my daughter) will pick up and will can all chip in for it.
OK, all this is fine with me. Whatever, what can I say. Nothing.
That was on Wednesday, she is supposed to call me on Thursday to tell me what she got and how much I owe her, I'm fine with this.
But I get no call. I'm fine with that also. So today is Friday. I already just decided to bring snacks to this party. So I go out and do work outside, I'm outside most of the day. I come in about 6 and check my email. I get an email from my daughter that she was rushed to the hospital about 1pm that day.
OK, now I have my sister calling me about what she was reading on face book. That my daughter is in the hospital. All my sister really wants to know is if she picked up something for the birthday party, because my sis was going to make a dish to bring, but since we were going in on a present, she decided not to cook something, and now what is she going to do without having a present to give.
I know this is all sounding weird, sounds weird to me also, and I was here.
Tell you the truth, I wasn't worried about my daughter either about going to the ER. She does this all the time. Not saying that she does not have illnesses or whatever, but she calls and says she is dying, and going to ER, and she is back home the same night.
OK, so I finally break down and call her at the hospital. She has migraines, she went there because of that. Said she had slept from 1:30pm on Thursday till 10:30 am on Friday when her children were sent up to wake her up. Then she tried to take a bath, and passed out and fell down at least 2 times. (uh-huh)
Found out that she supposedly wants to get botox for her migraines, and that was about 2 months away, and she wanted it done now.
Ok, whatever, so they discharge her about 10 minutes after I talk to her. She doesn't call me to tell me this, she posts on face book that, "apparently the normal sick that she feels is a success, and that they discharged her.
My mom in Florida read this and called me to tell me that she was discharged. So, OK, I still wait for a phone call. I get none.
Saturday, 8:15am I get a phone call from her. She wants to borrow my fingernails !!! I say what?????????? Am I hearing you right? Then she tells me that she is doing nail bonding or whatever and she wants to see how good the product is, and she wants to try it on me since I work outside a lot.
OK, whatever. Now she is telling me that she will see me later at this birthday party. ------------- This after posting on facebook that everyone there did read about how she is dying again, and she is going to a party the next day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But, whatever, OK. (lol) My mind is no longer functioning at this time, just ----------------- w h a t e v e r---------
So she gets to this party, and within an hour she has to lie down and rest because she is not feeling well.............. oh, boo hoo.............. (why did you come in the first place?)
So she leaves and tells me that she will call me 2moro. Guess what!!!!!????? I'm still waiting for that phone call. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone else have a good weekend?????????????
OK, fine with that, but then I remember my daughter (the drama queen) wasn't at the baby shower either, so I call her to tell her where, when and the time. I know I didn't have to do this, but for people who haven't followed my story, this daughter of mine had filed an RO against me, and I am just trying to keep the peace. Doing the best that I can for my mother.
So when I called my daughter she wants to go shopping to get a birthday present, I tell her we don't have to do that, this cousin is a millionaire, just come and bring a dish or snacks. But no, she can't do this, she has to call my sister and have a 3 way conversation of what she (my daughter) will pick up and will can all chip in for it.
OK, all this is fine with me. Whatever, what can I say. Nothing.
That was on Wednesday, she is supposed to call me on Thursday to tell me what she got and how much I owe her, I'm fine with this.
But I get no call. I'm fine with that also. So today is Friday. I already just decided to bring snacks to this party. So I go out and do work outside, I'm outside most of the day. I come in about 6 and check my email. I get an email from my daughter that she was rushed to the hospital about 1pm that day.
OK, now I have my sister calling me about what she was reading on face book. That my daughter is in the hospital. All my sister really wants to know is if she picked up something for the birthday party, because my sis was going to make a dish to bring, but since we were going in on a present, she decided not to cook something, and now what is she going to do without having a present to give.
I know this is all sounding weird, sounds weird to me also, and I was here.
Tell you the truth, I wasn't worried about my daughter either about going to the ER. She does this all the time. Not saying that she does not have illnesses or whatever, but she calls and says she is dying, and going to ER, and she is back home the same night.
OK, so I finally break down and call her at the hospital. She has migraines, she went there because of that. Said she had slept from 1:30pm on Thursday till 10:30 am on Friday when her children were sent up to wake her up. Then she tried to take a bath, and passed out and fell down at least 2 times. (uh-huh)
Found out that she supposedly wants to get botox for her migraines, and that was about 2 months away, and she wanted it done now.
Ok, whatever, so they discharge her about 10 minutes after I talk to her. She doesn't call me to tell me this, she posts on face book that, "apparently the normal sick that she feels is a success, and that they discharged her.
My mom in Florida read this and called me to tell me that she was discharged. So, OK, I still wait for a phone call. I get none.
Saturday, 8:15am I get a phone call from her. She wants to borrow my fingernails !!! I say what?????????? Am I hearing you right? Then she tells me that she is doing nail bonding or whatever and she wants to see how good the product is, and she wants to try it on me since I work outside a lot.
OK, whatever. Now she is telling me that she will see me later at this birthday party. ------------- This after posting on facebook that everyone there did read about how she is dying again, and she is going to a party the next day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But, whatever, OK. (lol) My mind is no longer functioning at this time, just ----------------- w h a t e v e r---------
So she gets to this party, and within an hour she has to lie down and rest because she is not feeling well.............. oh, boo hoo.............. (why did you come in the first place?)
So she leaves and tells me that she will call me 2moro. Guess what!!!!!????? I'm still waiting for that phone call. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone else have a good weekend?????????????
I know everything that I wrote doesn't make sense, my life doesn't make sense. I really do doubt many can understand what I just wrote without knowing my past, but that would have been more of a novel then it is right now.
I know I am crazy, it is my safe place/
I know I am crazy, it is my safe place/
Amy - it sounds a lot like my life, which I call Dysfunction Junction. It's not healthy, it's not comfortable, but some of us (like ME) are dependent on the dysfunctional ones and things get really difficulty.
I don't know how to make it all better, being the VERY good codie that I am,, but I do know (after working on codie recovery) that no matter what happens? We need to take care of us. What do WE need, what are WE comfortable doing.
Trust me, I'm also a recovering addict (RA) though I never stole from people. Thing is, I NEEDED my family to back off and say "we've done all we can, and we're done".
As a double winner (both an RA and a recovering codie), I've learned a lot. I can't fix someone who doesn't want help. I didn't cause their problem, can't cure it and damned sure can't change it (the 3 C's).
You're only getting sporadict information from your daughter (what SHE wants you to hear) as well as what other family members have told you.
I can only give you my ES&H. My dad told EVERYONE in my family (friends, his side of the family, mom's side (she died in 1992 of heart disease) and as much as I was ashamed? I was also grateful as family members reached out to me.
Sweetie, you aren't crazy. You've gone through things that normal people don't have to and it affects you. I've been a codie for decades, and all I can tell you is to look out for YOU and what you need.
I haven't been able to change my A stepmom, my enabler dad, but I have learned how to step aside from their issues.....thanks to this forum.
Don't beat yourself up with a stick - Instead, give yourself a lot of pats on the back for being wise enough to know that things just aren't right.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I don't know how to make it all better, being the VERY good codie that I am,, but I do know (after working on codie recovery) that no matter what happens? We need to take care of us. What do WE need, what are WE comfortable doing.
Trust me, I'm also a recovering addict (RA) though I never stole from people. Thing is, I NEEDED my family to back off and say "we've done all we can, and we're done".
As a double winner (both an RA and a recovering codie), I've learned a lot. I can't fix someone who doesn't want help. I didn't cause their problem, can't cure it and damned sure can't change it (the 3 C's).
You're only getting sporadict information from your daughter (what SHE wants you to hear) as well as what other family members have told you.
I can only give you my ES&H. My dad told EVERYONE in my family (friends, his side of the family, mom's side (she died in 1992 of heart disease) and as much as I was ashamed? I was also grateful as family members reached out to me.
Sweetie, you aren't crazy. You've gone through things that normal people don't have to and it affects you. I've been a codie for decades, and all I can tell you is to look out for YOU and what you need.
I haven't been able to change my A stepmom, my enabler dad, but I have learned how to step aside from their issues.....thanks to this forum.
Don't beat yourself up with a stick - Instead, give yourself a lot of pats on the back for being wise enough to know that things just aren't right.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Amy,
I know all your frustration is real and I don't mean to make light of it, but your post totally cracked me up. It was so thoroughly entertaining!
Your daughter sounds like a piece of work. And seriously, you sound like you are in a place where you are pretty detached from her drama, and very healthy. It's normal to need to vent about this stuff. One of my favorite words when dealing with my family is "whatever" too!
I know all your frustration is real and I don't mean to make light of it, but your post totally cracked me up. It was so thoroughly entertaining!
Your daughter sounds like a piece of work. And seriously, you sound like you are in a place where you are pretty detached from her drama, and very healthy. It's normal to need to vent about this stuff. One of my favorite words when dealing with my family is "whatever" too!
I'm not the only one! Hahahahaha! You have no idea how "normal" your post made me feel. One thing I've learned is to send my expectations to the basement when it comes to some people. I have a friend like your daughter, and I pretty much just say, "Yeah, uh-huh, sure" to her just to get her to shut up. You definitely are not alone in this, and your post made perfect sense to me. Hang in there.
These are my "normal" days now. I almost wish that the judge did not throw my daughters restraining order request out the window. Life would have been easier!!!!!!!
Without being on SR and learning how to deal with these things, she probably would have filed many more request for RO's against me. You see, you have to agree with her!!!!
So I neither agree, or disagree when she calls me with her problems. (and she has lots of them, she fights with everyone!!!!!!!!!)
I have learned to just listen, not to offer any advice as to how to deal with the situations that **** her off. I just remind her again and again of the 3 C's, keep reminding her that she can not change another person. Just keep your side of the street clean. I keep telling her if a situation is bothering her, she can only do what she can do, that she can draw boundaries, have no contact, or let things slide. Also that she should let go of having expectations of someone else doing things for her, that it will lead to disappointment. Don't take the poison and expect someone else to die from it.
I do this almost every phone call with her. It's really is funny in a sick sort of way. She calls me a lot more often now, because she wants the peace and serenity I have found, and she wants to learn how to do it, (Detachment). What's funny is that I had to learn all of this in order to deal with her !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, uh huh, sure, I see, I'm sorry that you feel that way, keep your side of the street clean, and above all "Don't drink the poison....................
Without being on SR and learning how to deal with these things, she probably would have filed many more request for RO's against me. You see, you have to agree with her!!!!
So I neither agree, or disagree when she calls me with her problems. (and she has lots of them, she fights with everyone!!!!!!!!!)
I have learned to just listen, not to offer any advice as to how to deal with the situations that **** her off. I just remind her again and again of the 3 C's, keep reminding her that she can not change another person. Just keep your side of the street clean. I keep telling her if a situation is bothering her, she can only do what she can do, that she can draw boundaries, have no contact, or let things slide. Also that she should let go of having expectations of someone else doing things for her, that it will lead to disappointment. Don't take the poison and expect someone else to die from it.
I do this almost every phone call with her. It's really is funny in a sick sort of way. She calls me a lot more often now, because she wants the peace and serenity I have found, and she wants to learn how to do it, (Detachment). What's funny is that I had to learn all of this in order to deal with her !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, uh huh, sure, I see, I'm sorry that you feel that way, keep your side of the street clean, and above all "Don't drink the poison....................
I quite like the bit where she gets a RO then asks for ur help. That says it all. Lol.
I grew up with a father who had every illness under the sun - still does - however prefers to complain about it rather than seek medical help.
Pre al anon I use to express my opinion to him about this (tell him he was a hypochondriac freak) or buy into how sick he was and worry. Eventually I saw it was a pattern and I was reacting to it. These days I find it funny and can laugh about it and say 'yep that's my dad.'
I'm actually rather surprised he hasn't discovered how to google his symptoms. Lol.
My mother just ignores him but there has been times when he has actually been really sick and he hasn't sort treatment then blamed it on my mother. Oh the joys of crazy families!
Sounds like ur doing ok. Thanks for the laugh
I grew up with a father who had every illness under the sun - still does - however prefers to complain about it rather than seek medical help.
Pre al anon I use to express my opinion to him about this (tell him he was a hypochondriac freak) or buy into how sick he was and worry. Eventually I saw it was a pattern and I was reacting to it. These days I find it funny and can laugh about it and say 'yep that's my dad.'
I'm actually rather surprised he hasn't discovered how to google his symptoms. Lol.
My mother just ignores him but there has been times when he has actually been really sick and he hasn't sort treatment then blamed it on my mother. Oh the joys of crazy families!
Sounds like ur doing ok. Thanks for the laugh
Thanks everyone, I have read these posts numerous times today. It helps to know that I am not alone
Amy 1 ( from the other amy, lol) It truly is Dysfunction Junction. So glad that I no longer try to make sense out of nonsense.
Mike - Thank you, you are so sweet. Need to say that for the last few days I had a song running thru my head. Brain Damage by Pink Floyd -- there's a lunatic in my head,...... but it's not me (lol)
DOS - This stuff no longer frustrates me. It has no effect on me whatsoever anymore. I no longer need to watch comedy TV, I live one !!!!!!!
NWGRITS - you're not alone it. I'm right there with you. And yep, uh-huh, sure, is a perfect response to crazy. That is, if you can even get that in there. One time I was talking? to my sister. She was going on and on, couldn't even get in a uh-huh, sure. I put my phone in the drawer for 10 minutes, walked away, came back, picked up the phone, and she was still talking. She didn't even know I wasn't on the other end of phone. (lol) Comedy relief at its finest.
liz - I used to take all of this serious. I can't anymore. Yes, she is sick, just like your dad. I remember one time she called me crying after going to the Dr. She asked me to do some research for her, and then to call her back. She told me that her dr. had told her she had some kind of an immune deficiency thing that began with an "A" but the she couldn't concentrate, and could I look it up and call her back. So I spent hours on this, found what I thought she was talking about, tried to call her. She doesn't answer.
I called her the next day, told her I tried to reach her yesterday, and she started to scream at me that she can't always be available to me, that she has a life, and she had gone to a hockey game. I ignored all of that, and proceeded to tell her what I found. She told me that the dr didn't say she had the"A" thingy, he told her she didn't !!!!!!!
I'm glad that I can laugh now
The R.O. - This all came about because of a birthday party for my grandson. My mom was coming in from Florida, and I wanted to go. I asked her if her dad (my ex, at the time we were going through the divorce) could just give me this party, so that I could see my mom. He was going to all the other parties, he wouldn't give me 1/2 the party where he comes early leaves half way thru, and I get the end part, so I thought it was reasonable to request just this one party. (I guess I was wrong). It went on for days and days of her screaming at me, that I should just be there, even though he was going to be there. Things just spiraled down from there.
So she files this RO, claims that I have bi-polar, and that she fears for her life from me.
We go to court, I even got a lawyer. Lawyer thought that I was lying to him, when I told him what it was about. He kept questioning me thinking that she would say something that he was not aware of and that he couldn't defend me then because I held it back from him. Judge asked my daughter one question. When was the last time that you and your mom lived together? So she told him about 18 months prior to this that she was on bed rest during her pregnancy and that I stayed with her from Mon- Fri for 5 months taking care of her. My lawyer didn't have to say a word, the judge just threw the case right out !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Things that I am thankful for today
1. SR ( I learned how to deal with "crazy"
2. I live 2 hours away from my daughter
3. I only have a small spare bedroom
4. The school district that I live in is horrible
5. Because of 3 and 4 my daughter will never try to move in with me
6. I have 4 cats and I cannot drop everything when she calls, and go running over there and take care of her for days and days
7. Her adoptive dad (my ex) lives closer to her, and he can ---- (Oh, the Karma bus, how I love that), and he still tries to keep up his appearance, so that my kids think that I'm nuts. I just love that one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8. I am financially strapped while I am renovating my foreclosure and I cannot lend? her money.
"People say I'm crazy, doing what I'm doing" .............John Lennon
After I went to court, and the judge dismissed the case, my lawyer advised me to keep my daughter out of my life, he told me that she is "out to get you" !!!!!!!!!!
And thats OK also.
I made a promise to my mom to try to keep the family together, and that is what I am going to do.
DETACHMENT is great !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, did get a call from her today. So she was at the ER dying on Friday, today she applied for a job. Ok, yep, sure, uh-huh, and whatever................. Good luck to her boss
Amy 1 ( from the other amy, lol) It truly is Dysfunction Junction. So glad that I no longer try to make sense out of nonsense.
Mike - Thank you, you are so sweet. Need to say that for the last few days I had a song running thru my head. Brain Damage by Pink Floyd -- there's a lunatic in my head,...... but it's not me (lol)
DOS - This stuff no longer frustrates me. It has no effect on me whatsoever anymore. I no longer need to watch comedy TV, I live one !!!!!!!
NWGRITS - you're not alone it. I'm right there with you. And yep, uh-huh, sure, is a perfect response to crazy. That is, if you can even get that in there. One time I was talking? to my sister. She was going on and on, couldn't even get in a uh-huh, sure. I put my phone in the drawer for 10 minutes, walked away, came back, picked up the phone, and she was still talking. She didn't even know I wasn't on the other end of phone. (lol) Comedy relief at its finest.
liz - I used to take all of this serious. I can't anymore. Yes, she is sick, just like your dad. I remember one time she called me crying after going to the Dr. She asked me to do some research for her, and then to call her back. She told me that her dr. had told her she had some kind of an immune deficiency thing that began with an "A" but the she couldn't concentrate, and could I look it up and call her back. So I spent hours on this, found what I thought she was talking about, tried to call her. She doesn't answer.
I called her the next day, told her I tried to reach her yesterday, and she started to scream at me that she can't always be available to me, that she has a life, and she had gone to a hockey game. I ignored all of that, and proceeded to tell her what I found. She told me that the dr didn't say she had the"A" thingy, he told her she didn't !!!!!!!
I'm glad that I can laugh now
The R.O. - This all came about because of a birthday party for my grandson. My mom was coming in from Florida, and I wanted to go. I asked her if her dad (my ex, at the time we were going through the divorce) could just give me this party, so that I could see my mom. He was going to all the other parties, he wouldn't give me 1/2 the party where he comes early leaves half way thru, and I get the end part, so I thought it was reasonable to request just this one party. (I guess I was wrong). It went on for days and days of her screaming at me, that I should just be there, even though he was going to be there. Things just spiraled down from there.
So she files this RO, claims that I have bi-polar, and that she fears for her life from me.
We go to court, I even got a lawyer. Lawyer thought that I was lying to him, when I told him what it was about. He kept questioning me thinking that she would say something that he was not aware of and that he couldn't defend me then because I held it back from him. Judge asked my daughter one question. When was the last time that you and your mom lived together? So she told him about 18 months prior to this that she was on bed rest during her pregnancy and that I stayed with her from Mon- Fri for 5 months taking care of her. My lawyer didn't have to say a word, the judge just threw the case right out !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Things that I am thankful for today
1. SR ( I learned how to deal with "crazy"
2. I live 2 hours away from my daughter
3. I only have a small spare bedroom
4. The school district that I live in is horrible
5. Because of 3 and 4 my daughter will never try to move in with me
6. I have 4 cats and I cannot drop everything when she calls, and go running over there and take care of her for days and days
7. Her adoptive dad (my ex) lives closer to her, and he can ---- (Oh, the Karma bus, how I love that), and he still tries to keep up his appearance, so that my kids think that I'm nuts. I just love that one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8. I am financially strapped while I am renovating my foreclosure and I cannot lend? her money.
"People say I'm crazy, doing what I'm doing" .............John Lennon
After I went to court, and the judge dismissed the case, my lawyer advised me to keep my daughter out of my life, he told me that she is "out to get you" !!!!!!!!!!
And thats OK also.
I made a promise to my mom to try to keep the family together, and that is what I am going to do.
DETACHMENT is great !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, did get a call from her today. So she was at the ER dying on Friday, today she applied for a job. Ok, yep, sure, uh-huh, and whatever................. Good luck to her boss
Since you asked, that was another whole story !!!!!!!!!!!
I had it planned from the beginning to just bring snacks, I told my cousin that I would do this, that I wasn't cooking because it was a 2+ hour drive for me. She appreciated that I would bring snacks. Which is what I did.
On the morning call with my daughter, she was still telling me that she was going shopping that day for a present. (ok) My sis calls and wants to know what is going on and what she should do for a present. I told her not to count on my daughter, get some snacks and a card if she wants, if my daughter shows up with a present and a card to just keep everything and chip in for the present. My sis kept going on and on about how she feels she is being stuck now. I more or less, told her that I didn't want to hear it and that I gave her a solution. The end, not discussing it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not my problem and I gave you a solution to yours.
So I get to this party about 10 minutes early. They are just setting up for the party. Nothing was done really. So I offer to help out. I spent over an hour helping them set up for the party. People are arriving, and we are still setting up. So since I am helping out, people start coming over to me to ask me where the soda was, where the beer was!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I ask my cousin. Well they didn't get it yet, so she sends her son out to get the drinks!!!!!!!!!
ok, whatever. It is now 3 party was supposed to start at 2, guest of honor was to arrive at 2:30, and they are out shopping for water, soda, beer.
Birthday girl didn't arrive on time, because no one ever called her yet, to tell her to come over.
Now I am hearing from everyone that they are hungry. Where is the food?
Well cousin who is running this party is still in her kitchen cooking, she didn't put out anything that the guests brought yet, and I decided, I'm not doing that. I got the snacks that I brought with me, I had to find bowls to put it out in, I put snacks on everyones table, and then I sat down to enjoy the party.
Maybe I should have stayed working !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My sons wedding next year comes up. I felt like they just ganged up on me. They want to know who I am bringing as a date to the wedding?????
I told them "me", just "me", I don't need to bring someone, I am happy with just "me". Told them that I decided for the reception that when they introduce me, that I would be escorted by my friends son who has autism. It would mean so much to him. Then had to listen to how can I even think of doing that, I should have a date, my ex will have his girlfriend with him, and I should have someone with me. WHY?????????????? I don't want a boyfriend !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will not go looking for a boyfriend. I am fine the way that I am !!!!!!!!!!!! Don't need anyone to eff up my life anymore. I just want to be with someone that I love, and that person is myself !!!!!!!!!!
Just everybody, get off my case already !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK, got through that. Birthday girl shows up at 4:15, they finally got ready for the party and called her. Food comes out at 4:30. Rest of the time went really well.
Oh, forgot to list in my things to be thankful for
#9 I live in a gated community, and they have orders to "shoot to kill" if I do not call them to allow someone in. (lol)
#10 I know how to shut my phone off
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