Acheleus

Taking it easy tonight with popcorn and television. Trying not to worry about work/school and focusing on all I have to be grateful for. I hope everyone had a good weekend!

pinkdog

Hi Acheleus, doing good here. Hugs to you.

not2late

Great to see you in a good place!! Have a good evening and tomorrow will be a good day.

jaynie04

Hi Ach, so good to hear from you...have a great night!

quitforme79

Making a gratitude list always helps me...sometimes I need to force myself to do it though because my negative old behavior is to sit in my s*^t lol Good for you, keep on rocking it ach

Acheleus

Yea I do not want to sit in the mess either. I want to grow and have realized I can't think about the future, but only right now, the present moment. Writing down a list sounds like a good idea, I think I need to do more work for my recovery instead of not drinking. Tonight I feel so scared and alone, I miss my dad, and I think he is coming to visit me in a few weeks. I also really need to go grocery shopping and I hope to do that tomorrow or maybe later tonight if I cannot sleep. Thanks for the advice about the gratitude list.

ZeldaFan

Ach, glad you had some relaxation time today. Thanks for checking in and I hope you have a restful night of sleep and pick up some good food to fix tomorrow.

Dee74

glad you're having a good night Ach

D

Acheleus

Well I cannot sleep and am considering leaving school and entering a sober living house in my home state. I have a lease where I am and I guess it would stupid for me not to finish school, but being alone is not good for me, and I really do not know what to do. But every day I feel bad and I want to start living my life and not just existing. Anyone have any experience with sober living houses?

hayley86

No experience with sober living houses no. I would be careful about making any hasty decisions about school because you feel lonely. Do you still go to the AA meetings?. Those can be a good place to meet other sober people who are also recovering. You might find some support there and some company so you feel less alone. Just an idea.

Acheleus

It was difficult for me to find a home group. I am just realizing the town I live in is not good for me. Maybe I am overreacting, but I am kind of losing it I think. No confidence, nothing. No motivation any more, just burned out and sick of feeling angry at myself. I just do not want to worry any more, and medication does not help but I am going to find a new doctor soon. I just cannot quit drinking on my own, and I am sick of being an alcoholic and trying to do recovery in school.

hayley86

Why was it difficult to find a home group?. Meetings vary a lot. It might be worth attending different ones to see if you find one that suits you. You seemed pretty keen on AA and the idea of getting a sponsor a little while ago. If you get that in place you would not be quitting drinking on your own you would have support and guidance from other people in recovery who understand. My problems and insecurities did not just disappear the moment i stopped drinking i had to persevere and the more sober time i had the better things got. Now my life is better in every respect. Its a process and it takes time to feel better or at least it did for me.

Acheleus

I guess I have trouble trusting people. People are dangerous to me and unpredictable, and I cannot get close to anyone. I need to work on that. I want to go to meetings earlier in the day but I am always so busy with school.

wiscsober

i had a great weekend 'cept for Packers losing!

hayley86

The people in AA will be similar to the people who help and support each other on here. Everyone is there with the same purpose to stop drinking and to recover. The whole thing is anonymous so i dont really see why it would be difficult to trust the people in there?. If you cant go to meetings in the day because of school why not try some more evening meetings and see if you like them. If you dont find any you like you can always try something else.

Acheleus

I will continue searching. I am just worn out and tired of being fill with anxiety and guilt and shame. I want to be sane, and I will make an effort to find a sponsor. Alcohol has beaten me into a state of reasonableness, as the big book says.

hayley86

The longer i was sober the less anxious i felt. Now i pretty much dont have any anxiety at all. On the rare occasions that i do get anxious i now have ways to stop it from escalating. I know its easier said than done but the guilt and shame you really need to try and let go of. Everyone makes mistakes and feels embarrassed about things they have done. It will only keep you from moving forward unless you find a way to move past it.

Acheleus

Yes I want to feel proud of myself. Letting go of guilt and shame sounds good too. I do not want to be a crazy person. The stigma of depression and suicide in my family has followed me since I was a child. People are so judgmental. I just want to hide away.