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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 1,629
New here
Hi all,
So I’m here because I drink too much. It’s been something that has taken my entire lifetime to build up. It’s insidious. For years, once in a while I’d go overboard and then say or do something stupid. I’d wake up the next morning not being able to remember much of the previous evening. Then my wife would yell at me and tell me what I did/said and what a jerk I was. Sometimes I knew that it was coming and sometimes I wasn’t sure and would awaken the morning wondering if I was going to get yelled at. Almost always, my wife would tell me something that I did which was a complete revelation to me. Scary!
My usual position was always to deny. To say I didn’t have that much and to trivialize her complaints. I’d promise to be good and that was that. Over time, the cycle would repeat itself with more and more frequency. A few months ago I got yelled at big time. It was so bad that I was yelled at in the morning and again when I came home after work. She threatened to leave me. Strangely, at this moment I can’t remember the details of what prompted this explosion. I know you will think that it’s because I was so drunk, but that is not the case. It was a life changing event and we discussed it over a couple of days but right now for the life of me, I can’t remember the details of the event. I do remember that it was so bad, I went to work extremely depressed by my behavior and my condition. I thought about it all day and decided that it was finally time to stop denying.
When I came home that night and my wife started in on me again I told her I had a problem. HA! She practically fell over. I asked her to help me by keeping track of the levels of booze in the bar bottles in the kitchen. I told her how I frequently would drink from them and refill from others that were stored elsewhere. I was shocked that she never checked that the levels would go up and down like a yo-yo. She said she would start doing that and I stopped doing that activity in the house. I told her that I had obtained a book on how to stop addictive behavior. This was true and I had been working with that book for a few weeks prior and was trying to follow their program. It just didn’t work for me and I stopped. Anyway, I told her that this time would be different. That I’m admitting my problem and I would be helping myself.
I got better… a little. I was drinking a less, however I hadn’t stopped altogether. I really never had any intention of doing that. As the weeks progressed… well I can’t say that I was back to the same levels. I think I was more controlled in terms of quantity at one session, but I would drink more frequently. Anyway, I was yelled at again one time. My wife was getting frustrated. Then the fateful weekend arrived.
Basically, she found an empty in the house. She tore into me like a rabid dog! I thought you were trying to help yourself, you’re a drunk, etc… She threatened divorce again and to tell the entire family. Said I had to do something but I said I could never go to an AA meeting. I just can’t do it. I don’t think it would work for me. I felt like a complete looser.
So I haven’t had anything to drink at all this month. I had a little bit of the shakes on day one, but not as bad as it had been on a couple of occasions in the past. The only other symptom was a little night sweats for one or two nights. That’s it! As expected, I feel really good physically. With such little problem stopping like that, I wonder if my problem really isn’t that serious. So I’d like to try to moderate. Meaning, if we go out with other people, I’ll still have a little wine or something but I won’t pregame or post game. And I won’t do anything in between. If I can do that, then great. If not, then perhaps I will need to go further and completely abstain. My problem with that is, everyone will know. I will feel ashamed. I know it’s a disease but I would still feel ashamed because many look at people like me in a totally different light. Anyway, if you’ve read this far, thanks for that. I welcome your comments and support as I think this forum will be my AA for now.
Thanks
Goose
So I’m here because I drink too much. It’s been something that has taken my entire lifetime to build up. It’s insidious. For years, once in a while I’d go overboard and then say or do something stupid. I’d wake up the next morning not being able to remember much of the previous evening. Then my wife would yell at me and tell me what I did/said and what a jerk I was. Sometimes I knew that it was coming and sometimes I wasn’t sure and would awaken the morning wondering if I was going to get yelled at. Almost always, my wife would tell me something that I did which was a complete revelation to me. Scary!
My usual position was always to deny. To say I didn’t have that much and to trivialize her complaints. I’d promise to be good and that was that. Over time, the cycle would repeat itself with more and more frequency. A few months ago I got yelled at big time. It was so bad that I was yelled at in the morning and again when I came home after work. She threatened to leave me. Strangely, at this moment I can’t remember the details of what prompted this explosion. I know you will think that it’s because I was so drunk, but that is not the case. It was a life changing event and we discussed it over a couple of days but right now for the life of me, I can’t remember the details of the event. I do remember that it was so bad, I went to work extremely depressed by my behavior and my condition. I thought about it all day and decided that it was finally time to stop denying.
When I came home that night and my wife started in on me again I told her I had a problem. HA! She practically fell over. I asked her to help me by keeping track of the levels of booze in the bar bottles in the kitchen. I told her how I frequently would drink from them and refill from others that were stored elsewhere. I was shocked that she never checked that the levels would go up and down like a yo-yo. She said she would start doing that and I stopped doing that activity in the house. I told her that I had obtained a book on how to stop addictive behavior. This was true and I had been working with that book for a few weeks prior and was trying to follow their program. It just didn’t work for me and I stopped. Anyway, I told her that this time would be different. That I’m admitting my problem and I would be helping myself.
I got better… a little. I was drinking a less, however I hadn’t stopped altogether. I really never had any intention of doing that. As the weeks progressed… well I can’t say that I was back to the same levels. I think I was more controlled in terms of quantity at one session, but I would drink more frequently. Anyway, I was yelled at again one time. My wife was getting frustrated. Then the fateful weekend arrived.
Basically, she found an empty in the house. She tore into me like a rabid dog! I thought you were trying to help yourself, you’re a drunk, etc… She threatened divorce again and to tell the entire family. Said I had to do something but I said I could never go to an AA meeting. I just can’t do it. I don’t think it would work for me. I felt like a complete looser.
So I haven’t had anything to drink at all this month. I had a little bit of the shakes on day one, but not as bad as it had been on a couple of occasions in the past. The only other symptom was a little night sweats for one or two nights. That’s it! As expected, I feel really good physically. With such little problem stopping like that, I wonder if my problem really isn’t that serious. So I’d like to try to moderate. Meaning, if we go out with other people, I’ll still have a little wine or something but I won’t pregame or post game. And I won’t do anything in between. If I can do that, then great. If not, then perhaps I will need to go further and completely abstain. My problem with that is, everyone will know. I will feel ashamed. I know it’s a disease but I would still feel ashamed because many look at people like me in a totally different light. Anyway, if you’ve read this far, thanks for that. I welcome your comments and support as I think this forum will be my AA for now.
Thanks
Goose
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 345
Originally Posted by goose333 
If not, then perhaps I will need to go further and completely abstain. My problem with that is, everyone will know. I will feel ashamed. I know it’s a disease but I would still feel ashamed because many look at people like me in a totally different light.
Goose
Goose
for me, i was much more ashamed of my lying, my hiding, my scheming, my pathetic public behavior, my troubles as a result of alcohol and all the selfishness i displayed in pushing everyone out of the way and out of my life so i could be left alone to drink. ugh. i have a stomach thinking about it.
being called "the guy who used to be an as*hole..." that's a compliment for me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
Welcome goose. I tried every which way to moderate...not drinking before i went out, limiting drinks, not drinking before 9pm. I was able to do this sometimes for a short amount of time but then i would always find myself back drinking the same volume and frequency as before or drinking even more. Not to mention that i found moderating a miserable task as for me drinking was all or nothing. I wouldn't let the fact that you didn't have too much difficulty in stopping fool you into thinking you dont have a problem. If alcohol is causing chaos in your life and threatening your marriage then that should be a red flag. Everyone has to decide for themselves whether they can moderate or not. If you are an alcoholic you wont be able to moderate for very long. With regards to everyone knowing. You only have to tell the people you want to. I have found people usually have respect for someone who is working on their recovery. Wishing you the best.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: United States - Philadelphia Suburbs
Posts: 51
Hi Goose:
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm only on day 6 in my current attempt to recover (and my first since finding SR). Being so short into this round of sobriety, I don't know that I am qualified to give any advice - and I'm not certain that's what you're asking for anyway.
Like you, I have been king of the stash. King of the empties. I'm cleaning out my basement this morning (fun!...not), and have found no fewer than 4 water bottles which once were filled with vodka. I even found a half full 1.75 which promptly got poured out. My wife would have freaked to. And with good reason. The fact that I drank enough to forget a liter or so stashed away somewhere tells me something.
I do not drink normally. Whatever normal is, my behavior was not.
Having quit a few times, however... 3 months here, 2 there, a few weeks or so other times, I always thought...well, I'll just give it up for a bit. Then I'll have a glass of wine at dinner, or a beer after I have given a presentation, or a drink to fit in with strangers after a class. I can remember every "first drink" after a period of sobriety. I remember what it was, the day of the week, the time of day, and the precise location. And I remember what it led to. Moderation, followed by less moderation, followed by drinking to excess and forgetting things I have said to or argued about with my wife.
The path is different for everyone. And I hope I'm not out of line saying so, but if you're wired at all like me - one for whom moderation has never been attainable - I'd say be very careful. There's a lot of support here at SR, and it seems to be a great place to check in, whatever one's thoughts are. Best wishes and good luck with your path.....
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm only on day 6 in my current attempt to recover (and my first since finding SR). Being so short into this round of sobriety, I don't know that I am qualified to give any advice - and I'm not certain that's what you're asking for anyway.
Like you, I have been king of the stash. King of the empties. I'm cleaning out my basement this morning (fun!...not), and have found no fewer than 4 water bottles which once were filled with vodka. I even found a half full 1.75 which promptly got poured out. My wife would have freaked to. And with good reason. The fact that I drank enough to forget a liter or so stashed away somewhere tells me something.
I do not drink normally. Whatever normal is, my behavior was not.
Having quit a few times, however... 3 months here, 2 there, a few weeks or so other times, I always thought...well, I'll just give it up for a bit. Then I'll have a glass of wine at dinner, or a beer after I have given a presentation, or a drink to fit in with strangers after a class. I can remember every "first drink" after a period of sobriety. I remember what it was, the day of the week, the time of day, and the precise location. And I remember what it led to. Moderation, followed by less moderation, followed by drinking to excess and forgetting things I have said to or argued about with my wife.
The path is different for everyone. And I hope I'm not out of line saying so, but if you're wired at all like me - one for whom moderation has never been attainable - I'd say be very careful. There's a lot of support here at SR, and it seems to be a great place to check in, whatever one's thoughts are. Best wishes and good luck with your path.....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,472
Welcome Goose! I'm glad to see you here. You will get great support from this group. I know I have!
I do feel I need to tell you a bit about my recovery process because it sounds a lot like yours. Today is day 7 sober for me which is the longest I have gone in years. I decided about a month ago to stop after heavy drinking every night. I had some mild shakes and a couple of nights of trouble sleeping and sweats. After that I was fine so, like you, I figured my problem wasn't as severe as I thought.
I tried to moderate but every time that alcohol hit my lips the trigger in my brain went off and I couldn't stop. I tried to stop again and went through the same shakes, sweats and trouble sleeping. Couple days later it was gone. Started drinking again. Finally, some coworkers told me that I smelled like booze all the time from my drinking the night before. That was when I knew I had to do something. Labor Day weekend was my last time drinking. Friday, Saturday and Sunday I drank. I decided Sunday night I was done. This time quitting was much harder. My body had taken too much up and down and the shakes, sweats and trouble sleeping were worse. In addition, the anxiety was much worse. After that, I made the choice to cut alcohol out completely.
It took me numerous times going through this cycle before I realized I was only kidding myself thinking I could moderate. I just got lucky my biochemical makeup allowed me to detox from years and years of heavy drinking without serious consequences. I hope my experience helps you somewhat in your journey!
I do feel I need to tell you a bit about my recovery process because it sounds a lot like yours. Today is day 7 sober for me which is the longest I have gone in years. I decided about a month ago to stop after heavy drinking every night. I had some mild shakes and a couple of nights of trouble sleeping and sweats. After that I was fine so, like you, I figured my problem wasn't as severe as I thought.
I tried to moderate but every time that alcohol hit my lips the trigger in my brain went off and I couldn't stop. I tried to stop again and went through the same shakes, sweats and trouble sleeping. Couple days later it was gone. Started drinking again. Finally, some coworkers told me that I smelled like booze all the time from my drinking the night before. That was when I knew I had to do something. Labor Day weekend was my last time drinking. Friday, Saturday and Sunday I drank. I decided Sunday night I was done. This time quitting was much harder. My body had taken too much up and down and the shakes, sweats and trouble sleeping were worse. In addition, the anxiety was much worse. After that, I made the choice to cut alcohol out completely.
It took me numerous times going through this cycle before I realized I was only kidding myself thinking I could moderate. I just got lucky my biochemical makeup allowed me to detox from years and years of heavy drinking without serious consequences. I hope my experience helps you somewhat in your journey!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 1,052
I don't think you can judge how big of a problem you have by how bad the withdrawal symptoms are. In my case, I never drank during the daytime, so my withdrawal symptoms consisted of trouble sleeping. And that's it. I still have a serious problem though.
No half measures
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 424
Your story sounds like mine. In order to get sober I had to change. I had to believe I could never drink normally, removed all alcohol from my house, did not go anywhere there was alcohol, got professional help, and heaven forbid AA
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,164
We kid ourselves that we can manage our drinking, precisely because we cannot. If drink didn't matter too much it wouldn't be an issue to stop. I realised after a decade of trying to control my drinking and intermittently stopping, that I my only sensible choice was to quit for good. Other than my husband no one knows why, and most barely notice or care. I was more aware of alcohol than a lot of our friends.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 1,052
Originally Posted by tootsl1
Other than my husband no one knows why, and most barely notice or care. I was more aware of alcohol than a lot of our friends.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
The control I had over my drinking was negligent at best. It was like I broke the off switch. Maybe my brain was wired that from birth or I broke it when the first time I drank as a young teen I drank to a blackout. I don't think the reason really matters, figuring out it was broken was the key. For me moderation won't work because part of my brain will only be satisfied , well actually never satisfied which is why I drank to passing out. There was a part that thought over indulgence was too much, that part would think social drinking or just a few was going to be enough and enjoyable. The problem was that the first few just lowered my inhibition level and the part is never satisfied would win out. Time and time again, I thought I could fix the switch , I now realize I can't.
Everyone is different, but what you describe sounds real familiar to me.
Everyone is different, but what you describe sounds real familiar to me.
No half measures
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 424
Originally Posted by dwtbd
The control I had over my drinking was negligent at best. It was like I broke the off switch. Maybe my brain was wired that from birth or I broke it when the first time I drank as a young teen I drank to a blackout. I don't think the reason really matters, figuring out it was broken was the key. For me moderation won't work because part of my brain will only be satisfied , well actually never satisfied which is why I drank to passing out. There was a part that thought over indulgence was too much, that part would think social drinking or just a few was going to be enough and enjoyable. The problem was that the first few just lowered my inhibition level and the part is never satisfied would win out. Time and time again, I thought I could fix the switch , I now realize I can't.
Everyone is different, but what you describe sounds real familiar to me.
Everyone is different, but what you describe sounds real familiar to me.
Recognizes the Beast
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: In the kitchen, cooking up a storm
Posts: 704
Originally Posted by goose333
Hi all,
So I’m here because I drink too much. It’s been something that has taken my entire lifetime to build up. It’s insidious. For years, once in a while I’d go overboard and then say or do something stupid. I’d wake up the next morning not being able to remember much of the previous evening. Then my wife would yell at me and tell me what I did/said and what a jerk I was. Sometimes I knew that it was coming and sometimes I wasn’t sure and would awaken the morning wondering if I was going to get yelled at. Almost always, my wife would tell me something that I did which was a complete revelation to me. Scary!
My usual position was always to deny. To say I didn’t have that much and to trivialize her complaints. I’d promise to be good and that was that. Over time, the cycle would repeat itself with more and more frequency. A few months ago I got yelled at big time. It was so bad that I was yelled at in the morning and again when I came home after work. She threatened to leave me. Strangely, at this moment I can’t remember the details of what prompted this explosion. I know you will think that it’s because I was so drunk, but that is not the case. It was a life changing event and we discussed it over a couple of days but right now for the life of me, I can’t remember the details of the event. I do remember that it was so bad, I went to work extremely depressed by my behavior and my condition. I thought about it all day and decided that it was finally time to stop denying.
When I came home that night and my wife started in on me again I told her I had a problem. HA! She practically fell over. I asked her to help me by keeping track of the levels of booze in the bar bottles in the kitchen. I told her how I frequently would drink from them and refill from others that were stored elsewhere. I was shocked that she never checked that the levels would go up and down like a yo-yo. She said she would start doing that and I stopped doing that activity in the house. I told her that I had obtained a book on how to stop addictive behavior. This was true and I had been working with that book for a few weeks prior and was trying to follow their program. It just didn’t work for me and I stopped. Anyway, I told her that this time would be different. That I’m admitting my problem and I would be helping myself.
I got better… a little. I was drinking a less, however I hadn’t stopped altogether. I really never had any intention of doing that. As the weeks progressed… well I can’t say that I was back to the same levels. I think I was more controlled in terms of quantity at one session, but I would drink more frequently. Anyway, I was yelled at again one time. My wife was getting frustrated. Then the fateful weekend arrived.
Basically, she found an empty in the house. She tore into me like a rabid dog! I thought you were trying to help yourself, you’re a drunk, etc… She threatened divorce again and to tell the entire family. Said I had to do something but I said I could never go to an AA meeting. I just can’t do it. I don’t think it would work for me. I felt like a complete looser.
So I haven’t had anything to drink at all this month. I had a little bit of the shakes on day one, but not as bad as it had been on a couple of occasions in the past. The only other symptom was a little night sweats for one or two nights. That’s it! As expected, I feel really good physically. With such little problem stopping like that, I wonder if my problem really isn’t that serious. So I’d like to try to moderate. Meaning, if we go out with other people, I’ll still have a little wine or something but I won’t pregame or post game. And I won’t do anything in between. If I can do that, then great. If not, then perhaps I will need to go further and completely abstain. My problem with that is, everyone will know. I will feel ashamed. I know it’s a disease but I would still feel ashamed because many look at people like me in a totally different light. Anyway, if you’ve read this far, thanks for that. I welcome your comments and support as I think this forum will be my AA for now.
Thanks
Goose
So I’m here because I drink too much. It’s been something that has taken my entire lifetime to build up. It’s insidious. For years, once in a while I’d go overboard and then say or do something stupid. I’d wake up the next morning not being able to remember much of the previous evening. Then my wife would yell at me and tell me what I did/said and what a jerk I was. Sometimes I knew that it was coming and sometimes I wasn’t sure and would awaken the morning wondering if I was going to get yelled at. Almost always, my wife would tell me something that I did which was a complete revelation to me. Scary!
My usual position was always to deny. To say I didn’t have that much and to trivialize her complaints. I’d promise to be good and that was that. Over time, the cycle would repeat itself with more and more frequency. A few months ago I got yelled at big time. It was so bad that I was yelled at in the morning and again when I came home after work. She threatened to leave me. Strangely, at this moment I can’t remember the details of what prompted this explosion. I know you will think that it’s because I was so drunk, but that is not the case. It was a life changing event and we discussed it over a couple of days but right now for the life of me, I can’t remember the details of the event. I do remember that it was so bad, I went to work extremely depressed by my behavior and my condition. I thought about it all day and decided that it was finally time to stop denying.
When I came home that night and my wife started in on me again I told her I had a problem. HA! She practically fell over. I asked her to help me by keeping track of the levels of booze in the bar bottles in the kitchen. I told her how I frequently would drink from them and refill from others that were stored elsewhere. I was shocked that she never checked that the levels would go up and down like a yo-yo. She said she would start doing that and I stopped doing that activity in the house. I told her that I had obtained a book on how to stop addictive behavior. This was true and I had been working with that book for a few weeks prior and was trying to follow their program. It just didn’t work for me and I stopped. Anyway, I told her that this time would be different. That I’m admitting my problem and I would be helping myself.
I got better… a little. I was drinking a less, however I hadn’t stopped altogether. I really never had any intention of doing that. As the weeks progressed… well I can’t say that I was back to the same levels. I think I was more controlled in terms of quantity at one session, but I would drink more frequently. Anyway, I was yelled at again one time. My wife was getting frustrated. Then the fateful weekend arrived.
Basically, she found an empty in the house. She tore into me like a rabid dog! I thought you were trying to help yourself, you’re a drunk, etc… She threatened divorce again and to tell the entire family. Said I had to do something but I said I could never go to an AA meeting. I just can’t do it. I don’t think it would work for me. I felt like a complete looser.
So I haven’t had anything to drink at all this month. I had a little bit of the shakes on day one, but not as bad as it had been on a couple of occasions in the past. The only other symptom was a little night sweats for one or two nights. That’s it! As expected, I feel really good physically. With such little problem stopping like that, I wonder if my problem really isn’t that serious. So I’d like to try to moderate. Meaning, if we go out with other people, I’ll still have a little wine or something but I won’t pregame or post game. And I won’t do anything in between. If I can do that, then great. If not, then perhaps I will need to go further and completely abstain. My problem with that is, everyone will know. I will feel ashamed. I know it’s a disease but I would still feel ashamed because many look at people like me in a totally different light. Anyway, if you’ve read this far, thanks for that. I welcome your comments and support as I think this forum will be my AA for now.
Thanks
Goose
Moderating? That's simply not going to work if you have a problem. Alcoholics drink to self-medicate chronic levels of stress. You might be able to moderate for a couple of days, weeks, even months, but that simply isn't a viable option for an addict. When we use, we mask the stress or trauma in our life. Emphasis on mask. It's still there, but seems like it's not. Put it in another perspective. Would you ever expect a crack addict, just to have the occasional puff?
As for the shame and guilt of not being able to drink when out with friends, that's the unfortunate reality of the stigma of alcoholism. We alcoholics recognize and internalize that stigma more than others, because it affects us directly. It also keeps us sick.
I've come to the conclusion that if I truly want to be healthy, I need to own the term alcoholic. It's not a moral failing, but an illness. Not a bad person, just a sick person. That's a heck of a task, and one that is probably asking too much for a person just entering recovery, but it's a great goal to work towards.
BTW, congrats on one month!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
I haven't read one post yet on SR that trumpets the accomplishment of a problem drinker who has managed to transform into a "normal" social drinker. If it is possible, I sense the rate of success is, statistically, very very small. Even smaller apparently for those of us who have found SR. In any event, welcome to SR. The people here have helped me stay sober for 14 days now. I hope you will stay close and keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
I've been trying to moderate for 5 years (maybe more ) I guess I'm a slow learner. There are periods where I manage for a few days to stop at 1-2. However, throw in some stress or a bad day or a reward for work or the sun is shining or ... And I'm up to 5,6,7. I love alcohol. Sometimes I think I like it more than my wife. How F'd up is that. If we didn't love it, then why do we spend so much energy trying to keep it in our life?
I think only addicted people try to plan how many drinks they are going to have that day or at the next social event. This is just my opinion. I know I can't do this moderation thing.
I think only addicted people try to plan how many drinks they are going to have that day or at the next social event. This is just my opinion. I know I can't do this moderation thing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: U.S.
Posts: 327
Goose, I too have found SR to be very helpful and supportive. As I was reading your post, it reminded me of the times when my girlfriend made comments to me about my drinking.
It was around this time last year when she confronted me with a tough love talk about my drinking. It was clear that my drinking was a problem. She saw the symptoms. Did it stop me from drinking? Nope. I went into hiding my drinking from her. For instance, if we were going out to restaurant, I'd be sure to sneak a few drinks beforehand so that I'd be able to keep up the appearance that I'd only have one glass of wine during dinner. The implied message was: "See, honey, I don't have a problem. I'm good with one glass." But it was all an act. I wasn't being honest. The dishonesty was eating me up.
So, I started seeing a therapist to deal with my drinking and a host of other issues related to anxiety and depression. I know that everyone has their personal methods for recovery, but the decision to seek therapy has made a big positive difference for me, anyway. Maybe it's because I was lucky to find a therapist that relates very well to my personal issues: his son struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction, but then became sober and now has a successful career as a lawyer.
Thanks for sharing your story. Wishing you the best.
It was around this time last year when she confronted me with a tough love talk about my drinking. It was clear that my drinking was a problem. She saw the symptoms. Did it stop me from drinking? Nope. I went into hiding my drinking from her. For instance, if we were going out to restaurant, I'd be sure to sneak a few drinks beforehand so that I'd be able to keep up the appearance that I'd only have one glass of wine during dinner. The implied message was: "See, honey, I don't have a problem. I'm good with one glass." But it was all an act. I wasn't being honest. The dishonesty was eating me up.
So, I started seeing a therapist to deal with my drinking and a host of other issues related to anxiety and depression. I know that everyone has their personal methods for recovery, but the decision to seek therapy has made a big positive difference for me, anyway. Maybe it's because I was lucky to find a therapist that relates very well to my personal issues: his son struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction, but then became sober and now has a successful career as a lawyer.
Thanks for sharing your story. Wishing you the best.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 66
Hi Goose! Thanks for sharing! I'm currently on day 14. This is my first attempt at sobriety. I've never really tried to moderate before either. So, I'm with you on that I dream of a day where I can have 1 or 2 drinks and be satisfied. That may be a pipe dream but there it is. I wish you luck in whatever your goals are
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 1,629
Thanks everyone for your responses and support. I kinda knew that everyone would tell me that moderation won't work. I thought that perhaps I was unique in the fact that there were few withdrawal issues and that I was in a different situation than most others. I thought that because I was not like the people I read about in "Under the Influence" that my experience would be different. Looks like the answer to that is no.
tootsl1 said: If drink didn't matter too much it wouldn't be an issue to stop.
Wow! That made me stop and think for a while. I told my wife I want to try and be normal. Perhaps I'm fooling myself because right now it still matters.
Well at least for now, I'm not interested in drinking. I'll try to keep that going as long as I can. Thanks again everyone. I really appreciate your eye opening comments.
Goose
tootsl1 said: If drink didn't matter too much it wouldn't be an issue to stop.
Wow! That made me stop and think for a while. I told my wife I want to try and be normal. Perhaps I'm fooling myself because right now it still matters.
Well at least for now, I'm not interested in drinking. I'll try to keep that going as long as I can. Thanks again everyone. I really appreciate your eye opening comments.
Goose
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