Stopping Our Pain
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Stopping Our Pain
Sunday, September 8, 2013
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Stopping Our Pain
Some of my feelings have been stored so long they have freezer burn.
—Beyond Codependency
There are many sources of pain in our life. Those of us recovering from adult children and codependency issues frequently have a cesspool of unresolved pain from the past. We have feelings, sometimes from early childhood to the present, that either hurt too much to feel or that we had no support and permission to deal with.
There are other inevitable sources of pain in our life too. There is the sadness and grief that comes when we experience change, even good change, as we let go of one part of our life, and begin our journey into the new.
There is pain in recovery, as we begin allowing ourselves to feel while dropping our protective shield of denial.
There is the pain that leads and guides us into better choices for our future.
We have many choices about how to stop this pain. We may have experimented with different options. Compulsive and addictive behaviors stop pain - temporarily. We may have used alcohol, other drugs, relationships, or sex to stop our pain.
We may talk compulsively or compulsively focus on other people and their needs as a way to avoid or stop our pain.
We may use religion to avoid our feelings.
We may resort to denial of how we are feeling to stop our pain.
We may stay so busy that we don't have time to feel. We may use money, exercise, or food to stop our pain.
We have many choices. To survive, we may have used some of these options, only to find that these were Band Aids - temporary pain relievers that did not solve the problem. They did not really stop our pain; they postponed it.
In recovery, there is a better choice about how we may stop pain. We can face it and feel it. When we are ready, with our Higher Power's help, we can summon the courage to feel the pain, let it go, and let the pain move forward - into a new decision, a better life.
We can stop the behaviors we are doing that cause pain, if that's appropriate. We can make a decision to remove ourselves from situations that cause repeated, similar pain. We can learn the lesson our pain is trying to teach us.
If we are being pelted by pain, there is a lesson. Trust that idea. Something is being worked out in us. The answer will not come from addictive or other compulsive behaviors; we will receive the answer when we feel our feelings.
It takes courage to be willing to stand still and feel what we must feel. Sometimes, we have what seems like endless layers of pain inside us. Pain hurts. Grief hurts. Sadness hurts. It does not feel good. But neither does denying what is already there; neither does living a lifetime with old and new pockets of pain packed, stored, and stacked within.
It will only hurt for a while, no longer than necessary, to heal us. We can trust that if we must feel pain, it is part of healing, and it is good. We can become willing to surrender to and accept the inevitable painful feelings that are a good part of recovery.
Go with the flow, even when the flow takes us through uncomfortable feelings. Release, freedom, healing, and good feelings are on the other side.
Today, I am open and willing to feel what I need to feel. I am willing to stop my compulsive behaviors. I am willing to let go of my denial. I am willing to feel what I need to feel to be healed, healthy, and whole.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Stopping Our Pain
Some of my feelings have been stored so long they have freezer burn.
—Beyond Codependency
There are many sources of pain in our life. Those of us recovering from adult children and codependency issues frequently have a cesspool of unresolved pain from the past. We have feelings, sometimes from early childhood to the present, that either hurt too much to feel or that we had no support and permission to deal with.
There are other inevitable sources of pain in our life too. There is the sadness and grief that comes when we experience change, even good change, as we let go of one part of our life, and begin our journey into the new.
There is pain in recovery, as we begin allowing ourselves to feel while dropping our protective shield of denial.
There is the pain that leads and guides us into better choices for our future.
We have many choices about how to stop this pain. We may have experimented with different options. Compulsive and addictive behaviors stop pain - temporarily. We may have used alcohol, other drugs, relationships, or sex to stop our pain.
We may talk compulsively or compulsively focus on other people and their needs as a way to avoid or stop our pain.
We may use religion to avoid our feelings.
We may resort to denial of how we are feeling to stop our pain.
We may stay so busy that we don't have time to feel. We may use money, exercise, or food to stop our pain.
We have many choices. To survive, we may have used some of these options, only to find that these were Band Aids - temporary pain relievers that did not solve the problem. They did not really stop our pain; they postponed it.
In recovery, there is a better choice about how we may stop pain. We can face it and feel it. When we are ready, with our Higher Power's help, we can summon the courage to feel the pain, let it go, and let the pain move forward - into a new decision, a better life.
We can stop the behaviors we are doing that cause pain, if that's appropriate. We can make a decision to remove ourselves from situations that cause repeated, similar pain. We can learn the lesson our pain is trying to teach us.
If we are being pelted by pain, there is a lesson. Trust that idea. Something is being worked out in us. The answer will not come from addictive or other compulsive behaviors; we will receive the answer when we feel our feelings.
It takes courage to be willing to stand still and feel what we must feel. Sometimes, we have what seems like endless layers of pain inside us. Pain hurts. Grief hurts. Sadness hurts. It does not feel good. But neither does denying what is already there; neither does living a lifetime with old and new pockets of pain packed, stored, and stacked within.
It will only hurt for a while, no longer than necessary, to heal us. We can trust that if we must feel pain, it is part of healing, and it is good. We can become willing to surrender to and accept the inevitable painful feelings that are a good part of recovery.
Go with the flow, even when the flow takes us through uncomfortable feelings. Release, freedom, healing, and good feelings are on the other side.
Today, I am open and willing to feel what I need to feel. I am willing to stop my compulsive behaviors. I am willing to let go of my denial. I am willing to feel what I need to feel to be healed, healthy, and whole.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Pain means there is something wrong that needs to be fixed. When our body feels physical pain it is a warning to take care of whatever is causing the pain...that's something that comes naturally and easy to all of us. If we have a blister, we treat it and cover it and take care of it until it heals.
When we feel emotional pain, we should also pay attention and take pause to see what is causing it. If it persists, we need to change something or risk the pain increasing until we do.
How simple that all sounds. How "used to the pain" I allowed myself to get many years ago. Pain was my "normal", if I didn't feel pain I would do something that would cause it because I didn't know how to live life without pain.
Recovery taught me how distorted that was, recovery taught me to pay attention to any kind of pain. Pain is my body's way of telling me to tend to my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being. Today I pay attention and live a relatively pain free life. Who knew?
Hugs
When we feel emotional pain, we should also pay attention and take pause to see what is causing it. If it persists, we need to change something or risk the pain increasing until we do.
How simple that all sounds. How "used to the pain" I allowed myself to get many years ago. Pain was my "normal", if I didn't feel pain I would do something that would cause it because I didn't know how to live life without pain.
Recovery taught me how distorted that was, recovery taught me to pay attention to any kind of pain. Pain is my body's way of telling me to tend to my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being. Today I pay attention and live a relatively pain free life. Who knew?
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Ann 
How simple that all sounds. How "used to the pain" I allowed myself to get many years ago. Pain was my "normal", if I didn't feel pain I would do something that would cause it because I didn't know how to live life without pain.
Today, I don't live in pain. When it does happen, it's time to walk through it and come out on the other side, rather than "medicating" it with drugs, alcohol, and unhealthy relationships.
Thanks for the read and insight, Ann.
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