PrincessJasmine

So I'm going to see some live music tonight. I was feeling excited then thought "uh oh, is this excitement to go out? or excitement for a drink?" They are indistinguishable to me since I always get excited for a night out but a night out would always mean at least 2 drinks. This is my first ever attempt at sobriety so I just don't know what I'm feeling right now. It's kind of a butterflies in the stomach kind of feeling so maybe I'm nervous that the temptation will just be too great? I really don't know. It's making me very nervous about tonight though. Am I just putting myself in a too difficult situation? Or am I over thinking it? I'm not worried that I'd overdo it. I never do when out on the town. I just don't want to let myself down.

PrincessJasmine

Oh and to top it off, a normal night out would mean a responsible 2 drinks while out and then a shared bottle of wine once home. So, that's 2 hurdles tonight

Croissant

Hi Jasmine. I think it's good to be prepared for the AV that will pop in your head during this first outing. The first few times are quite confronting....being worried whether you will give in, watching others drinking it all got a bit distracting for me from the event itself!

Once we were past the first drinks hurdle nd everyone kept drinking, I started to see why I was glad I wasn't drinking. Try to remember why you want to stop.

The best you can do is be prepared for it. Things will get better.

KristyCat

Hi Princess, let us know how it goes. I hope you do find the inner strength to stay sober. <3 I too had an invitation to go out tonight, I'm 2 months since last relapse and decided it would be too much temptation and too scary for me.

Do you have a sober buddy to go with you? I think that's what i'll do the first time I venture out. I hope you have a good time w/o alcohol.

PrincessJasmine

Croissant- yes I like the idea of truly noticing how everyone else acts when drunk. Good idea. Thanks
Cristycat- thanks I will report back. Sober buddy? Well kind of. Hubby says he'll go it sober with me tonight. But, he's a fairly big drinker himself and has no commitment to sobriety other than doing this with me. So, I'm pretty sure if I was trying to give in, he'd have no problem with that whatsoever. So, its pretty much up to me

Eleni58

I am confused. Did you completely quit drinking or are you trying to moderate? Excuse me but the fact that your hubby is a heavy drinker will make it tons harder on you to quit.

jaynie04

So weird, I read the words "live music" and had a physical reaction. I had flashbacks of sitting in smoky clubs (shows how old I am) with a crappy clear plastic cup full of warm white wine.

I have a vision of my neural pathways....

Live music................>>>>>>zoom..............>>>>> white wine.

Unbelievable. I know they can be retrained, it's just these early days I still have training wheels on and I know that what I have is still fragile. Before I got sober I could drink because a lampshade was crooked. So I guess I have a lot of neural exercising ahead to get those puppies retrained.

PJ have fun, it's good to have a plan if it gets too tough early on. Take care!

PrincessJasmine

Hi eleni-I'm confused too. Lol. I've never tried to quit in my life. (Well except when I was pregnant but that was no problem) so I don't know what I'm doing. I believe that I over-drink sometimes. So, I am trying to cut it out completely. At least for now. I can't think about an entire future where I never drink again so I'm just dealing with it "one day at a time" As time goes on, i might try counseling or something to determine where to go from there. And yes, I'm fully aware of it being more difficult with the hubby still drinking. I was hoping to be a positive example to him.

PrincessJasmine

Thanks jaynie. That IS interesting (and scary) how our minds connect these things

George3334

I hear ya! That very similar thought has been going through my mind a lot lately..... Went to a couple concerts this past summer and went straight to the bar. It just fit like a glove....
The relationship between going-out and having a drink has been so intertwined for so many years.

I've been to social gatherings since making the decision to quit alcohol in early August, and one thing that seems to be helping is telling myself beforehand that I'm not going to drink. I treated it sort of like an experiment. The experiment was simply: Let's see if I can go to this event without a drink and still have fun. That pre-determined mindset has definitely worked for me the few times I've been out since quitting. At the end of the day, I found that I enjoyed the event without a drink as much as I did when I drank. The biggest hurdle has been avoiding the first drink, and it's something that I think I'll be struggling with for a long time, maybe forever.

I hope you enjoyed the night out. Best wishes.

ReadyAtLast

I hope you got through the night without drinking

for me, I would not have been able to go to an old drinking venue in early sobriety without drinking. If I did manage to not drink the torture and temptation would have been too much- I just didnt need that sort of temptation so early on.

Whether it's association or something else I don't know.I had to change my life as well as just not picking up.I would recommend listening to your inner voice-if you're nervous,scared etc then maybe it's for a reason

Banquo

Hope you enjoyed your night out. I went out last night, a meal at a great Portuguese Tapas Bar. I drove so it was lovely to appreciate the wonderful food and not get drunk and resent eating as it wasted valuable drinking time. It's the little things like this that keeps me clean and realise that my life is far more better now.

PrincessJasmine

Thanks everybody! I didn't drink last night!!!!! yay me!!!!
Ok, so first off, I was hungry so that was adding to my stomach feeling weird. I ate before we left and felt MUCH better.
Secondly, I think I was nervous. I wasn't sure how I would react in that situation. As I said, I never over-do it when out on the town but there is always a couple drinks involved so I was afraid the association would be too great and I would give in. But I didn't!!!!
Third, I think I was genuinely excited to go out. I'm a wife, mom, grown-up so i dont get out as often as I'd like. But, I'm also a very fun-loving gal (sometimes to the extreme) so I was legitimately excited.

Main thing I'm taking from this is:posting here helped ease most of that anxiety and renewed my resolve to not drink!

Thanks for the experiment idea. I did go into it like that. Lets see if I can have a great time without drinking and I did. I had fun! If I'm being 100% honest did I have as much as I would have if I'd had a couple drinks? No, not AS much. It was live music so I would've not been as self conscious about dancing around and singing along if I'd had a couple drinks at the place. But, I did still dance and sing along (a little more timidly but that's ok). It's ok because 2 drinks at the bar would've turned into several more at home and I'd feel crappy this morning. Instead, I feel great! And I feel proud of hubby and me, he didn't have any either...yay!
Thanks so much for helping me make it to day 14!

Eleni58

Way to go! Proud of you!

KristyCat

Wow that's awesome Princess!!!

You sound very insightful and I think it's great you have a plan. I hope to one day be able to go out and dance, have fun without a drink. It's a huge huge hurdle for me, sort of more of a long-term goal. I have a lot of social anxiety so it's really difficult. But anyways. Congratulations to you for having a sober fun night out! Really happy to hear your hubby didn't drink as well. <3

dwtbd

I have gone on a vacation and attended several social events since quitting(very recent), and each time I think about what the time will be like I feel I have to prepare myself for a let down because of not drinking. I really haven't felt that I was enjoying the events any less, very unexpected. Some have been boring, but they would have been whether I was drinking or not, heck I'm pretty boring(but I like that ), what I have noticed though is that after the events I don't miss, nor do I think standing in my garage for hours on end would be as 'enjoyable'.
I'm starting to think the remembered enjoyment of those events because of drinking was a mirage.

George3334

Fantastic! I'm glad to hear it went well for you and thank you for the honesty about the mixed emotions you felt. I, too, admit that when I'm surrounded by alcohol at an event that I'm thinking, "A drink would improve this situation."

The problem for me, though, and what really started to freak me out, was that I was getting to the point where I almost couldn't think of a situation in which a drink would not improve a situation. "Had a good day?" Let's celebrate. "Had a bad day?" I need a drink. etc.

Hang in there. I'm glad it worked for you last night.

Tang

A lot if people say avoid social drinking situations in early sobriety. Personally, I don't think you can avoid them all (and in some cases it may be mandatory for work). Each successful event you get past is a learning experience IMHO. Great job!

Jeepgirl95

I have been to clubs to see live music many times in sobriety. The questions I was told to ask myself is "what is my motivation for going to this venue?" Is it music and fellowship? is it sneak a drink? I have to be vigilant about where my head is and where my heart is. I was also told not to go alone (have someone with me who I can count on when I say, "I'm overwhelmed/uncomfortable/scared"). And to remember that I can bail ANYTIME I WANT, I don't have to stay the whole night!

Good luck and be true to yourself

George3334

You nailed it! Thanks for sharing. I'm very new to sobriety and was somewhat relieved that I had to pass on an opportunity to attend a convention this weekend due to another commitment. I was bummed that I couldn't make it, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that a major motivation for attending was to drink and hit the bars with my convention buddies.