seriously, what's wrong with me?
Crazy Cat Lady
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
seriously, what's wrong with me?
I was doing well but everything crashed around me last week. I felt it coming too and i just sat by and watched everything happen like it was a trainwreck. I pulled away and isolated and that landed me back in the drink. I know what i should have done (meetings, sponsor, here) but by then my train was already off the tracks. I'm so ashamed.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I've been thinking of you and wondering how you were doing.
So pleased to see you back and posting x
Well, back to what was working for you, but time to push that little bit harder again maybe? When I've had my rocky times and felt disillusioned and anxious, if I've reached out for help and managed to get through it, a huge step forward in my personal growth seems to follow. Every challenge faced successfully has made me stronger and less likely to fall back into old ways.
You can do this DG. Remember next time things get tough, a better day is just around the corner x
So pleased to see you back and posting x
Well, back to what was working for you, but time to push that little bit harder again maybe? When I've had my rocky times and felt disillusioned and anxious, if I've reached out for help and managed to get through it, a huge step forward in my personal growth seems to follow. Every challenge faced successfully has made me stronger and less likely to fall back into old ways.
You can do this DG. Remember next time things get tough, a better day is just around the corner x
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
GRIT's ,
You've had a learning experience , it's sad when we drink and don't want to but you're here now and with all of us .
When i learned to ride a bike i kept falling off, shame wasn't useful to learning how to skillfully ride a bike and anger only insofar as motivation , i think the same can be said for sobriety .
Bestwishes, m
You've had a learning experience , it's sad when we drink and don't want to but you're here now and with all of us .
When i learned to ride a bike i kept falling off, shame wasn't useful to learning how to skillfully ride a bike and anger only insofar as motivation , i think the same can be said for sobriety .
Bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 480
DG - it's not uncommon for at least one relapse. It took me umpteen attempts to quit smoking before I did - and that's with having power over that addiction!
And that shame, that toxic emotion? You have a disease process at work, here. Sounds like you're going the AA route so you've done some more research on your first step: we have lost the choice in drink. If I have no choice but to breathe, I'm going to breathe - there's no shame in doing something I have no choice but to do! As one who has lost choice, I just have to find that power that can remove that cunning, insidious obsession, the steps are the vehicle (for me, and sounds like, for you also).
So glad you were able to come right back and are getting right back to AA. Some can't make it back; it took me 13 years.
And that shame, that toxic emotion? You have a disease process at work, here. Sounds like you're going the AA route so you've done some more research on your first step: we have lost the choice in drink. If I have no choice but to breathe, I'm going to breathe - there's no shame in doing something I have no choice but to do! As one who has lost choice, I just have to find that power that can remove that cunning, insidious obsession, the steps are the vehicle (for me, and sounds like, for you also).
So glad you were able to come right back and are getting right back to AA. Some can't make it back; it took me 13 years.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hey Grits.
I needed to fall apart in order to come together. And when I did, I left behind a lot of bad stuff that had nothing to do with my drinking. For that, I will be forever grateful.
There's a guy in AA I respect, and he'll often say, "Don't drink, go to meetings, and change your whole phucking life."
When we do too much cherry-picking in deciding how we'll get sober, then we end up with nothing. There's a line in the AA Big Book that speaks to this: "Half measures availed us nothing." It doesn't say that half measures will give us fifty percent, twenty percent, or even five percent. Not giving sobriety our best efforts only buys us some dry time. We are not set free, but are set loose.
If my own life is not valuable enough for me to fight for, then what's the point of going on in life?
Stay together.
I needed to fall apart in order to come together. And when I did, I left behind a lot of bad stuff that had nothing to do with my drinking. For that, I will be forever grateful.
There's a guy in AA I respect, and he'll often say, "Don't drink, go to meetings, and change your whole phucking life."
When we do too much cherry-picking in deciding how we'll get sober, then we end up with nothing. There's a line in the AA Big Book that speaks to this: "Half measures availed us nothing." It doesn't say that half measures will give us fifty percent, twenty percent, or even five percent. Not giving sobriety our best efforts only buys us some dry time. We are not set free, but are set loose.
If my own life is not valuable enough for me to fight for, then what's the point of going on in life?
Stay together.
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