Flying4Life

Hi everyone,

I am working on this sobriety thing one day at a time. I struggle with it a lot, always debating in my mind about it. I am having many more sober days than drinking days right now so I am feeling good about that.

I don't really like thinking about it as all or nothing long-term. Tonight I am sober and I know that I am happier this way. So often things come up that make me want to escape. I am working on dealing with my feelings sober and it isn't always easy. I feel lonely a lot and I think it is because I have this tendency to isolate.

I have attended AA in the past briefly, and many many Al-anon meetings (my mother was a raging alcoholic... it hurts just thinking about it). The biggest consequence of my relationship with alcohol is endless worrying, feelings of guilt, increased anxiety and depression.

When I write them out like that, they seem like pretty serious consequences to me... I want to live a good full life. I want to live up to my full potential.

I hope there is someone out there who is willing to give me some open-hearted support. I am getting tired of struggling with this alone.

Dee74

There's as much support as you want here, Flying4life - good to see you

D

Ornithology

Flying4life, it sounds like you have already figured it out. No one lives a full life or realizes their potential while drinking. It took me nearly a lifetime to figure that out.

forabetterlife

FlyingforLife, I can totally relate. I enjoy being sober in every way imaginable more than I enjoy drinking or its effects on me psychologically and physically (hangovers). Yet, something keeps pulling me back to drinking (or wanting to) despite knowing how much better life is without it. All or nothing scares me too. I'm at the point where when I really think about it, I realize that drinking does nothing for me anymore..but yet not ready to say I will never drink again. So, maybe like you said...knowing that we won't drink TODAY, is good enough for right now. Why stress about tomorrow?

I isolate as well. Sometimes I isolate just as much when I'm sober as I do when I'm drinking. Strange.

Like you, I know in my heart, that I can only be my best self without alcohol. Drinking, for me, has become like half-as*ed way of going through life. It keeps me stuck and not growing. I think the more we learn about ourselves and our relationship with alcohol (triggers, cravings, etc..) we can find ways of getting through those moments and tough times. Because we know that we will only wake up the next day so grateful that we did.

AlefVavResh

Welcome! Lots of support here. Read, write, and keep us posted. So many people here are going through exactly what you are going through. Spending hours here my first week kept me in line

Slammy1

This is what the board is for, we support each other. I'm working on recovery myself, I think it will be a life time project.

Flying4Life

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. I needed to read your messages. This is such a learning process and I am glad that I am not really alone in it.

It is too easy for me to minimize the consequences of this problem. I am afraid of progressing down a path of self-destruction and I know that just focusing on being sober and living life is what can prevent all of that.

I have such a hard time talking about this stuff with the people in my life. It seems like they either judge me or tell me that I am wrong... I'd like to be wrong but once you admit something to yourself it doesn't really go away no matter what other people say.

I am 26 and I am pretty sure I could keep hiding my problem for awhile yet but I would rather deal with it...even if it is hard.

When I am sober the world has so much to offer me, and I have so much to offer the world.

Thanks again everyone, I am hanging in.

forabetterlife

The only person we have to answer to is ourselves. I don't talk about drinking or about being sober with anyone in my life, except right here on SR. I hid my problem for so many years, almost getting a thrill out of getting away with all that drinking with no one knowing and not facing any real consequences. But now, ten years later, I am realizing that the only one I was hurting was myself. I lost so many nights drinking and days being hungover, struggling to get through the day at work or whatever I had to do. I never had the luxury of "nursing a hangover", that's for sure.
Good for you for realizing it so young and taking control. Take care, we are here for you. You certainly are not alone.

Slammy1

Much better to deal with it now, it only gets harder. I gave up drinking 1 month before I turned 26, a New Year's resolution. I was working and just starting grad school and was tired of the hang overs. I'd worked my way through my bachelors, sometimes working 2 jobs and going to school full time (I was a champ at time management, 3-4 hours sleep and running between places in between. Jump out of bed, 20 pushups, go to school, go home, shower, work, on the weekends I'd do my second job.

The drugs took that strength away, although I have to blame life some. I take full responsibility for how I allowed it to affect me.

July2413

I was going to start my own thread tonight but you basically said what I have been thinking about.

I'm also 26. I know I could have continued to hide my addiction for a while longer. I'm happy I haven't and I'm sober now since July 24th. This week a good friend was diagnosed with cancer, very far spread. It doesn't look good. I don't know how to accept feelings anymore because I'm used to just drinking them away. I know I need to let them out somehow but I'm afraid to feel them or what will happen when I do. I cried a little but it felt so unnatural, not a relief really. It was genuine but I guess I can't just sit and feel very well anymore... I feel like I just need to pick up and move on to the next task and keep burying things. I don't want to drink and I only feel a mild temptation now but I know I need to figure out how to feel again. Thanks for posting your struggle tonight. It helped me feel less alone.

Flying4Life

July, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. That is tough. But I am glad you are here. I don't know why feelings are so hard for me to understand...they are constantly changing, sometimes I can keep them in check by being busy but other times it feels like they just swallow me up and it seems like I am totally lost. Other times I am so happy and grateful for all the wonderful things in my life. I am proud of you for having the courage to feel what you feel. I hope I can stay strong too.

CuteNGayYay

Welcome! Lots of support here 24/7

FeenixxRising

Welcome Flying, most of us have debated whether we really needed to quit for good or was it possible to find some way to moderate. And most of us realized that stopping was the only rational and reasonable approach. You're still young, and I don't know your drinking history, but if you find that most or many of your problems are related to drinking, then it's probably a good idea to make some serious decisions.

So welcome again and stick around, you will find a lot of support here.

ZeldaFan

Hello Flying. I went through the struggle of trying to decide if I could make not drinking a long-term decision or not. Over the years I would go days without drinking and then have a drink and fall back into my addiction. I thought I was getting away with drinking without anyone noticing but I realized I was not. The people around me just didn't say anything to me about it until recently.

When I finally learned my drinking was noticed and worrying people that changed things for me. I finally realized it was a choice I had to make for myself not to drink anymore and it's been a struggle over my short time recently sober that took me years to realize. I will say reading this form helped me greatly in coming to my decision. I can tell you that you are in good company here after watching this community for a year now.

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome, Flying4Life! It's good to have you here. You probably don't know it yet but you just joined one of the best, most compassionate group of people you'll ever meet in this life. SR is here for you, to support without judgement. We've been where you are, and we know what you're going through.