Acheleus

Ok I feel good on my own, I have no urge to drink and no worry, sadness, or anger. But when I get to this building at school where I work and teach classes I get depressed and filled with frustration and anger. I feel so bad here that all I want to do is get drunk to forget about all the mistakes I made that got me to this miserable place. I felt so good earlier, but as soon as I got here my mood plummetted. What the hell?

AugustWest11

I feel ya ach. I have places like that as well. Hated school as well; ended up quiting & hitting the road seeing the Dead. One of the best times of my life; but at the same time1 of my biggest mistakes as well as biggest regrets. Take deep breaths & picture everyone in pink bunny suits. An old therapist told me that; didn't work for as I am too stubborn; but hey could be the laugh you need to tolerate the place. Good Luck.

FeenixxRising

I'm glad both of you have posted in this thread; what I'm about to say isn't meant to be malicious. But both of you seem to be extreme "the-glass-is-half-empty" kind of guys. You both seem extremely focused on the negatives (which are always there) and unable to enjoy the positives (which are also always there). It just depends on what you focus on.

I feel for both of you, I've been there to some degree, but I don't think I've suffered through the prolonged negativity each of you seem to be dealing with.

Am I wrong about your negative outlooks on life in general?

AugustWest11

For mew; yea you are .. I was not like this 3 years ago; when I wasn't worried about living on the street; eating, being able to survive. I don't mean to sound sarcastic or biting; but that struck me ..

See him as I as You; we are all in different situations; and also handle things differently .. right now; in my life; the negatives far out weigh the positives .. Other then the fact I am breathing I can think of many .. I have a job; but am only allowed to work 19 hours a week .. How can anyone live on that ??

That said I do have a roof over my head for now; until the Ex. finally decides to put me out then I am left w\ 2 ugly choices .. So I mean as I said Yea I do focus on the negatives right now; b\c 29 years of drinking I never learned to cope nor should anyone have to cope w\ all this at once ..

foolsgold66

I think they're both on an emotional seesaw, and trying. Complain away if it helps guys, if it distracts you from drinking its all good, letting it out is healthy.

soberhawk

I hope things get better for you AugustWest.

AugustWest11

Thank you for seeing what my whining is about. I literally have no one right now; except for the great people here. Once some of the red tape of my issues clears up; hopefully I will see the bright side. But until that time I will continue to whine as I face this alone. Again TY fg

FeenixxRising

As I said August, It's not my attempt to be malicious. I understand you're in a rough spot now, and there are many negatives, but do you see any brightness in the future? Also, are you 29 years old, or are you saying you have been drinking for 29 years?

If you're 29 years old, you are young and you have a long live ahead of you.

And as I also said above, I feel for both of you. I saddens me that two people appear to have such heavy burdens. I'll not bother with any motivational clichés, but really, happiness, or least avoiding unhappiness and bitterness, is often a state of mind.

AugustWest11

Thanx SH.. as I just posted while you were, once things clear up I will have a better view ..

drunkyjules

I can say I sympathize with the whole job making me want to use issue. I've been doing pretty good here recently, but several months ago I started a new job and really went through some times where I wanted to drown out some negative feelings. It was really a lot harder on me than I had ever anticipated - completely new job, new environment, new co-workers and all that stuff.

I had some very downer days and some days I just wanted to get high or drunk. I'm glad I didn't and it has started to get better, now most days are ok with only a few bad. But I would send my sister texts messages about somehow just walking into the place brought me down - just really depressed me. So I try to get out and take walks, get fresh air for lunch etc.

I guess if your job makes you feel this way maybe its time to look at what you can do about it? Its good to be grateful for having a job but is there something else. Or is there something else you can identify in your attitude that may be blocking you from enjoying your job? Maybe a little soul searching is in order.

Good luck!

AugustWest11

I am 42yo; been drinking\partying more or less for 29years .. as for brightness; right now, no can't say that I do It saddens me that it has come to that; But I really don't right now.. It is laterally out of my hands .. That has laid a heavy burden on me .. The fact I have no control is what has been dragging me down .. Hence I love when I do work .. It gives me time where I have no need to think I just "do" the task lol So when I was told I can only work 19 hours; that was another blow to me .. and I could go on; but I don't want to hijack Ach's thread :p

Carlotta

Have you thought about making a gratitude list?
As in
- I still have a job...
also you said that the building is depressing and it sounds like for you teaching in this environment is a step down...maybe your students feel the same way (depressed and feeling less that because they are stuck studying in that miserable place.
What about making it a daily challenge to bring them a ray of sunshine by giving 1000% to your lessons?
I don't know how old your students are but believe me when I tell you that they probably catch on (even if only subconsciously) to your attitude.
Other suggestion to stop feeling sorry for yourself: volunteer and help those who have less than you do.

FeenixxRising

Do you find any solace and contentment from having a job, attending school and teaching classes? It seems you're at least moving in the right direction as far as education and building a career are concerned.

You mention the mistakes you made, but you've apparently made some good choices, specifically the choice to continue your education. I'm guessing you've made other good choices. As for mistakes, well there's no one on this site--or in the world for that matter--who hasn't' made a lot of mistakes. Mistakes are nothing but experiences we can use to grow better.

AugustWest11

RIGHT ON .. This is where I am having problems coping myself; realizing that as Dee once said; I think .. What's done is done; no need to dwell on it nmow .. Or something to that effect .. So Ach; maybe We just need to work on dropping the "looking" over our shoulder thing of the past and focus on the here and now .. Thanx Fee for reminding me that .. I know it is tough Ach; trust me I know .. But that seems like what ya need to try and do ..

Acheleus

Sorry for being negative again. I am grateful but I think I need to not get so worried about failing. My students laugh at things I say and my sense of humor. We had a fun class today, so I do try to do my job well and I care about the students. I am just lonely and I want a woman. I will not post negative things anymore.

ON THE SUFFERINGS OF THE WORLD - Arthur Schopenhauer - YouTube

AugustWest11

Guy; if posting negative is helpful to get it out then by all means DO .. If nothing else then I won't be the only one :p

hayley86

I think everyone is here to support and encourage each other. You should feel free to post whatever you are feeling. If you associate where you work with past mistakes maybe you could try and focus on the good aspects of working there. As you say, you care about your students and try to do your job well. Try and keep that in mind if you feel negative when going there. Also try and leave any negative feelings behind when you leave to go home. Where you live should be a place where you feel peaceful. Congrats on your sober time.

foolsgold66

I hated school too. I like ducks though.

Dee74

glad the day got better Ach

D

quitforme79

ach, post whatever you want...this is not a place you should have to feel the need to filter. We have to do that in all other aspects of life -work mostly. I get down sometimes too. And feel real negative. But so far it has always passed and I believe it will for you too