Moderation is the addict's Santa Claus...
All or nothing for me, to walk away from a bar or a drink after having two drinks is a lot harder to do than if id had none. Always think if I only have enough money in my pocket for a pint or soft drink id take the soft drink because 'one' pint isn't enough to quench my thirst but one soft drink is. I never have a soft drink and then get up straight away and get another one but always do after a pint of beer. This is because im an alcoholic, and it amazes me when I see non-alcoholic friends and family casually leave it after one or a couple of alcoholic drinks- they're just wired up differently I guess
I remember the last time I relapsed all too clearly last fall. It went like this:
I've been sober six months I feel so good and strong!
A glass of wine sounds good for some reason. Awwww I can handle it.
Drinking a glass of wine, I had two simultaneous thoughts: "yuck I hate this feeling, I feel all wrong!! Ill drink another!"
Those thoughts were immediately followed by a quick mental calculation of how much more wine I could have that night without getting caught.
A week later, I was far less concerned with getting caught. Two months after that, I was back in the same mental hell I'd worked so hard to get out of and didn't pull myself from the quicksand until February.
Ironically, those "why not have a drink?" Thoughts are creeping in again. So thank you for this thread. Moderation for me is more elusive than the Easter Bunny and sillier than the Rock dressed up as the Tooth Fairy.
I've been sober six months I feel so good and strong!
A glass of wine sounds good for some reason. Awwww I can handle it.
Drinking a glass of wine, I had two simultaneous thoughts: "yuck I hate this feeling, I feel all wrong!! Ill drink another!"
Those thoughts were immediately followed by a quick mental calculation of how much more wine I could have that night without getting caught.
A week later, I was far less concerned with getting caught. Two months after that, I was back in the same mental hell I'd worked so hard to get out of and didn't pull myself from the quicksand until February.
Ironically, those "why not have a drink?" Thoughts are creeping in again. So thank you for this thread. Moderation for me is more elusive than the Easter Bunny and sillier than the Rock dressed up as the Tooth Fairy.
moderation for me is short sighted, instead of getting caught up in the now and "I'll just try to have one" which quite frankly is exhausting and a waste of my time. I need to look to the rest of my life, without the drinks.
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